I know how you feel I feel exactly the same. In my case I’m good at putting on persona where everyone thinks I’m fine when really I’m not. I’m very use to doing this as I have so many other stressful situations in my life to deal with. I keep thinking this really isn’t fair why my mom she never did any harm to anybody why did she have to be in pain in her final days. Why not all these nasty people that are in the world. Also people are sympathetic at first but it soon wears off and they expect you to just get on with things, and revert to talking about their lives and plans like nothing has happened to you. When I feel like screaming do you not know that I’m still not ok.
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@Louib exactly! I burst into tears yesterday & my friend said “whats wrong?” … seriously???
Like you im good at putting on the mask, but i choose not to with this. It hurts & im not going to pretend to anyone it doesnt. 4 days since funeral & like with you , people already expecting normal from me. Its laughable how supprtove are until they then assume the fineral and that fact you start grieving before they die when they have non treatable cancer means youll somehow get over it quicker wjen they are gone.
Yes, it’s a cruel world, your mum , my mum didnt deserve it, we dont deserve it, not when there a so many vile people ruining the world 
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@Keith68 yes it is early days which is why im struggling with those things you point out , loss of my mum & death. I know i will need to come to terms with it but right now, thats a long long way away
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Sending you some much love thank god for sites like this where can share how we’re feeling 
@Louib definitely, when others dont seem to understand, at least on here people do. Just had one of those “waves” where it hit me its 4 weeks almost since i spoke to my mum for the last time. Its still not real 
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I know it will be 4 weeks short of a day when we have the funeral this Thursday coming like you say it’s still doesn’t seem real. I still think I can call her to tell her about my day but I can’t I miss her so much 
x x
@Louib i know that feeling. A friend suggested i send her pictures of my day or message or leave voicemails. I have her phone still & the last messages we shared was her saying she loved me& me sending her a few photos we took together of her last days. Then i exported our chat incase it disappears.
Last night, watching TV there were ads for new programmes & i thought ooh mum would like that one, not sure how we ever get used to that. Maybe we arent meant to. X
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I know what you mean I normally delete my voicemails but I came across 2 my mom had left me asking how my day was,I’m going to cherish them as I don’t want to forget what she sounds like 
x x
@Louib thats lovely, even without the voicemails youll never forget her voice & words but being able to listen to her for real will always be a comfort for her asking after you & how much she thought of you
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Had a blazing row with my partner. Lashed out. He really doesnt understand how hard this is. I feel sorry for him not knowing what to do. Grieving is very undignified.
@ least you not going through it alone, harder if you are on your own. In the same flat you shared with your mum.
Though it may seem im not alone, i am. Alot of people in relationships feel lonely, which feels worse. Someone whos meant to support you, watching you fall apart doing nothing to help before during & after. Watching you cry, just sitting there saying nothing, no hug nothing. Its not support its demoralising for me feeling like i cant grieve in front of him. Its been like this for months. Worse now after the funeral apparently i need to get on with it
@Keith68 it must be very hard being on your own but at least you have your memories of your mom before she got dementia to look back on, if it’s hard being in the flat you shared together is no way you could look at moving or is it a comfort
@Ribena99 did he actually say you need to get on with things now 
that’s not very supportive is it, the trouble is unless it happens to them people say they understand but they really don’t.i’m sorry that you feel you have no support around you. Do you have any siblings you can talk to I can’t remember if you said you were an only child ? Or if you are an only child are then any other family members you could talk to about how your feeling that have also suffered the loss of your mom and will be better equipped to understand.
@Ribena99 I’ve just gone back over your posts and realise you did actually say you have no other siblings or family that are close, I’m sorry to hear this. Have you been with your partner a long time sorry to pry, maybe calmly sit him done and explain that you are finding it really hard to cope and it’s still very early days for you. Surely if he cares enough for you he will try and help however he can .
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Don’t agree with that, that’s a selfish trait, we are all different. I was close to my mum, no doubt you was too. Maybe he’s not had that ? like I said we all very different so he should understand that. You have to come to terms with the loss in your own terms otherwise you will just close off to him. I know because I do the same with friends, it’s a gut instinct. Not only that but I also need my own space and need to deal with the loss in my terms no one elses. As that would feel controlling by the other person. What you do need is support, we all need that at the moment. Your problem might be the same as mine, you want that same connection you had with mum and you not getting it. It’s hard to replicate that special bond. I had that with mum and she understood me and how I felt.
Moving at the moment is kind of a no go, I physically wouldn’t be able to do it at the moment. I lost my mum August 23, June this year I was diagnosed with Myeloma cancer. I not long sorted out my mum’s late will, it was delayed by the DWP. The day my sister visited me in hospital with paperwork from the solicitor was the day I got diagnosed.
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Yes, he really did say that. He is selfish with a good heart, but the selfishness is magnified to me because i dont need that trait now. He is very close to his own mum. So that makes it worse. Ive tried to speak to him, more than once, even friends of his stepped in to say how unsupportive. So its very lonely & soul destroying with that on top of losing my mum. Thats why sometimes ive lashed out because im breaking & he barely acknowledges it
Sorry to hear about your diagnose hope you will make a full recovery with the right treatment etc
Myself and my partner have our extreme ups and downs but one thing I will say is he can recognise when I’m suffering even though I do a good job of hiding it most of the time. Yes everyone deals with situations differently but it must be really hard to feel like you have little to no support.
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