That’s a problem and 1 that will get worse. Maybe some time out ? some space for you ? it’s still raw for you and we all different. I’ve had the distraction and vulnerability of Myeloma to deal with. If you not getting the support or love from your partner, have you thought of other ways to get that support ? ie church religion ? Because your life has changed and you have changed because death does that to us. Maybe you need to look else where ? you will have questions it’s understandable. Just a thought!
i’m taking it stage by stage, all I can do. I never been married so I tend to think of relationships that people maybe have it a little easier. But maybe not, sometimes you have to think outside the box and open yourself up to other things. There’s no right or wrong way to approach how to deal with loss.
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Its good to hear he pulls through for you when you need it (when you’re not hiding it)
Ive resolved that i simply dont have his support & now & then i flare up about it but our relationship issues etc ill broach when im in a better place. Things are still so raw & surreal, so im trying a few things to take better care of myself, not apologising for being sad or upset, & resetting my boundaries. I tried religion when my dad passed & i think it was me trying to replace the void of him because im not very religious so i wont be doing that this time but thank you for the suggestion
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I’m not either, but I now believe there’s a role for religion to play. I’m a person that wants and needs to understand. I went to church to light a candle for mum in November, I went alone. I felt it was the right thing to do to honor my mum, and I wanted to do it. I thought I be alone and was uneasy with that, but I wasn’t alone. Life a journey, I don’t know why but I kind of took a interest in NDE on You Tube and one day I want to see mum again and anything that helps me with that. Things happen for a reason, and life is a test, a challenge. Death is a test without a doubt and it will take you time to come to terms with it.
If thats what is helpful to you then go with it. Its nice you lit a candle for her & i hope it helped bring you some comfort.
For me, there is no reason, or test for me to pass with this. Its just utterly devastating to lose my mum so soon, so cruely. Thats my opinion. Its aboyt navigating life somehow & accepting shes gone with no explanation as to why my mum. Why yours. Why anyones elses. Its utterly devastating
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But has she gone ? is death the end ? I did a session last night on messenger video with a meduim. I done a few but never got a message. Last night was 1st one I done for months because of Myeloma. I got a message from Grandma sending love and uplifting. Ie healing, we all need that. I’m not sure on your believes but I’m open to everything. I think to heal you need to open up to everything. But we all very different, I like to understand stuff and class myself as very open minded. Not everyone is though!
I used to see psychics alot when i was younger & after my dad. Ive had a few where i think they are genuine readings but others not so. Over time I think i was searching for answers to situations i didnt like or scared for the future or wanting to be close to my dad but it didnt really help me because life & my attitude to it needed to change . But i am a believer that there is more outside our phyiscal life & that my mum is still here in someway, but i dont think ill be doing readings again. Perhaps more to avoid disappointment of not having an interaction.
Im glad you had a message from your grandma 
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We all need help, we wouldn’t be here if we didn’t. Different life’s with different journeys some tough some even tougher. We should keep an open mind dealing with those journeys and any help that comes our way we snatch it with both hands as these forums prove their is very little help out there.
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Yes, we all need support & its good that here there is support where there is understanding without judgement.
Everyday is a new challenge. I find i live hour to hour. Somedays having rage, tears, laughter & numbness all within a short window of time. Im told this is normal for us mourning. I don’t fight it anymore. If i feel it, I show it. Otherwise id go nuts trying to bury & avoid difficult emotions
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9 weeks since i lost my mum.
I know im not alone when i say that many people are clueless to the intensity of this grief. I get overwhlemed when i realise shes not coming back. I cant work out whether im in denial or if this is normal. Its confusing, draining heartbreaking. Im totally alone & the one person to bring me love & support, my mum, isnt here
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It can’t be easy not having the support of your partner, if you ever want to reach out I’m here, we’re all in this together 
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@Keith68 both my parents were cremated but my mum had paid for a plot in the crematorium garden to bury the ashes and get a headstone put up, my mum’s mum and dad were cremated and she always said she wished she had somewhere to go and visit so when my dad passed she made sure she picked a lovely spot for him , little did we know that we would be putting her ashes in at the same time as my dad’s 
but I think it really helps to have somewhere to go and talk to them, I’ve been taking fresh flowers down every week as my mum and dad loved their garden it was always full of flowers. It doesn’t ease my grief any but gives me comfort to know they are there x
I been a couple times to mum, but I had to sort the plot out service. Just waiting on the headstone now. My life been hectic and I’ve had so much to deal with. I come on here and read stuff and I be honest and know people are struggling with their loss and I totally get that and understand that But when you read someone put in a thread why me, what have I done to deserve this. I have to stop reading I’m like please. I lived with mum 50 odd years I had to apply for tenancy, mum’s estate went into probate, the DWP investigated that estate which delayed the process by almost a year. I continue to work in security to keep a roof over my head. I was having problems with my back and couldn’t even bend, dressing was really hard work, washing was upright and soaked everything. My GP was useless and just prescribed pain killers, had two sessions with a chiropractioner. Went to A and E doctor sent me home, went to work got stood down early, told to go A and E or walk in. I did the walk in they found something in my urine and told me to go to A and E straight away. I did and saw the same doctor who sent me home, he was going to do the same again. To I stood my ground and told him the walk in told me to go to A and E and they was like yes straight away I did get admitted I had high calcium levels in my blood. That hospital was going to discharge me when calcium levels were back to normal till I alerted them to a expert that had been visiting me. I got transfered eventually and now am getting the right help. High calcium levels in blood, 5 fractures now 7 in back. My diagnosis Myeloma Cancer which is blood cancer. There’s no cure as of yet but the condition is treatable!
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@Keith68 its really sh!t what youve been through and what you are having to contend with on top of that.
If im honest, i think “why” all the time. Why me? Why my mum? Why you? Why your mum? Why why why for everyone on this forum for all the crap that happens for no good reason & those they are grieving for. There is no answer as to why? There is no comfort to be found from the never ending turmoil we all face. its a perfectly normal question with no explanation. It sucks.
I think it’s a test to see how we cope. If you follow up on spiritually then in the afterlife we are judged on what we did on earth. We all have to face death which is a challenge in itself. Mum escaped here now mum is with her mum, I think she probably more happier then me.
I have no issue with peoples beliefs in spirituality & believe in some sort of higher powers myself. However, after years of suffering on my own personal journey & my mums suffering throughout her life i dont believe her death or my suffering is a test of how well i can cope or punishment for not being a better person.
Life is cruel.
There is no reason & seeing this as a test for me doesnt bring me comfort it only brings me more turmoil. Because ultimately if the reason were a test then i have failed badly despite trying so hard over the years to be a better person on earth. Im not just saying this but in no way am i a bad person & in no way have i deserved half the crap ive endured nor my mum.
The most horrific things happen to some of the best examples of compassionate caring people & i dont think there is any comfort for me in seeing it as a test.
If we try harder if we do this or that…
If we put in mental training for a quiz & see good scores then yes, test applies. If we physically train & run a marathon then a test applies. If we are kinder to eachother & animals & the planet but see thing’s as a test it makes no sense at all. Because, however pious we are, no amount of trying will contribute to a positive outcome to avoid the devastating things that have happened to any of us.
My bereavement journey is unique & personal to me, as is yours & other peoples , we take comfort where we can. But my own suffering, my mums death, my dads death are not tests for me to endure, believing that only brings me more turmoil.
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@Larkygirl, i think it’s lovely to continue with flowers & having somewhere to go. My dad was buried, i used to visit a lot the forst few years. Now i go less but i dont neglect him. When i chit chat about my day to people i never say ive been to my dads grave, it doesnt sound right, but i say ive been to see my dad. Sometimes when i visit him it helps when i am fretting.for him.
With my mum, she wanted a cremation, but didnt want to be buried or scattered. My mum asked for me to keep her with me & thats what i want too. Sometimes i feel so alone & lost and others, I feel like my mum is everywhere, when I walk in trees, the sound of a river, a feather falling from the sky.
Your mum & dad being together keeps them close to eachother which i hope comforts you, and as you say is a place for you to go to see them x
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@Keith68 I’m sorry you’re having such a sh*t time of it, as if you don’t have enough to deal with. I lost an uncle to blood cancer the week before my dad passed away, he had been in and out the beatson hospital. I’m glad you are getting the right help. I feel the why me? Why did it have to be my parents i just miss them both soo much x
@Ribena99 It is nice to have somewhere to go but I talk to my mum and dad all the time throughout the day as I find it I know exactly what they’re answers would be I know that sounds silly but I can hear their voice talking back to me, I feel my parents presence a lot and it brings me comfort xx
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@Larkygirl that doesnt sound silly at all. I do excactly the same. i sometimes wonder if Im mad, if talking to my mum is like me being in denial but i dont think so, i think it’s my way of keeping her close, as you say, a presence. x
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