Your definitely not mad as you say it keeps them close 
xx
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The dreaded C word has been here for some time now. I think it magnifies loneliness & isolation. I decided not to take friends offers for lunch tomorrow, no buying of gifts etc. Its just too much. Ive donated to charity instead. Making those decisions has helped me cope so far.
Its my first christmas without my mum. My mum loved Christmas. Im letting the grief seep in tonight. Recalling the memories, the memories we will never get to make.
Friends want to visit tonight, tomorrow, the well wishing thinking of you messages have started. But all i want to do is recall how broken i am. How unfair it is. Choosing not to offload on them & spoil their mood and christmas because mine is simply not how it should be. Never will be. Same for everyone else here. Wishing things were different.
I hope anyone struggling manages to cope the next few days as best they can. Its ok to be sad. Its ok to selfish X
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Met up today with friends for Christmas drinks but I’m glad I’m home to be honest, pubs were noisy. I visited mum and nannar yesterday and went to see mum on what would of been her birthday.
Im glad you met for drinks with friends. Albeit, you are glad to be home but its nice you did. I cant face the noise right now.
I havent been on here for a while. Have you a memorial now for your mum for you to visit? Is your mums birthday close to Christmas then? Its tough.
I started looking at photos of mum tonight but it screams “its real , she is gone” . Im not in denial. But it hurts too much to fully let the pain in.
Mum birthday was the 15th December, a headstone has been erected now. I put up with it, but like I said was happier to be out the pubs.
Understandable but at least you got out for a bit. Double tough christmas time with your mums birthday being so close. Hope you manage to get through the next few days. Take care