Life since my Soulmate died

It was 6 months yesterday since my wonderful husband passed away totally unexpectedly. Also this week it was 44 years since our eyes met and I fell in love with him. I 've cried more this week than since the week he died. Felt like the reality that I will never see him, talk to him or touch him ever again suddenly sunk in.
I saw this post on FB and it sums up what life is like now :sob:

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Polly that posting from Facebook really sums it up. My husband died in November after his cancer diagnosis in September. He was only 62 and as I had just claimed my state pension he too had retired. The life we thought we would have has vanished. I miss him so much, I miss that we has become I and I miss all the little things about sharing my life. He would have been 63 on 28th February and usually we would be on holiday or at least go out for a meal. It so so sad and heartbreaking

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Polly1962,
I am sorry for your loss. My loving wife died suddenly and unexpectedly in March 2021 and the posting that you show is sadly so true. I have had many deaths in my life from my Mother at age 2 and more after my loving wife, but none have affected me like her death. She was my whole world and each day is worse than the day before. I have cried everyday and night since my loving wife died and I don’t think my existence will ever change for the better. Take care, John

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Meseaber,
I am sorry for your loss. I completely understand the comment about us becoming me, even though you said we/I. It is not what any of us ever thought we would or should be dealing with at this point in our life. My loving wife was only 53 when she died suddenly and unexpectedly and we thought we had many more years ahead of us. This is by far the worst experience in my life as far as dealing with grief. I can say that grief brain is a real thing. Take care, John

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Hi Polly

The post from Facebook sums up exactly how I feel. It will be 34 weeks this Friday that Ian passed away suddenly after being with each other for over 40 years.

It is like living in a nightmare that one can never wake up from. I’m isolated with close friends and family a long way away. I have no interest in my garden and that is something I used to love doing. I’ve a few new ‘friends’ but I just miss being with Ian. A few people have said to me that it’s hard living alone but I’ll get used to it. The hard part about being alone is being without Ian and I’ll never get used to that!

I’m not the person I used to be, in fact I’m just a shell of my former self. It is so hard to keep going ….

Julie x

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Hi Julie,
I know exactly what you mean. I feel like the light has gone out of my life and I can’t find any enjoyment in anything. My grown up children want me to pick somewhere we can all go on holiday but I can’t bear to look at any because it’s something ny husband and I did together, planning where we would go etc. I have grandchildren and I struggle to enjoy time with them because all I can think about is how much their grandad is missing. He was only 65 and would have been retiring next month and we had so many plans. I take it one day at a time. I can’t look forward. Life has no meaning to it. I’m just glad I was married to the love of my life. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but I am honoured that he spent the rest of his life with me. I hope you are OK. Thinking of you xx

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Trixie1,
I have had people say to me also that I will or would get used to being by myself, they can’t understand that isn’t what “we” wanted and it isn’t what I want. I am also not anywhere near my former self, because that person died when my loving wife died. Everything I did was for my loving wife and now I have no purpose or desire to do anything. The fire went out of me when my loving wife died and took my broken heart and soul with her. I have said I do barely what I must do and that is a struggle. I fight to stay in bed and I have to fight to get out of bed, the physical pains make me have to get up and the emotional pains are why I don’t want to. I am at 47 weeks and it is worse each day. Take care, John

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Polly1962,
I too am having trouble thinking about and doing anything that my loving wife and I did. We had been caring for a friend of mine who died in January 2021 and for her Mother who had dementia and we were looking forward to our time together when we were done caring for everyone else. We didn’t make plans but as my loving wife used to say we were talking about it. I hate that we all lost or future with our LOVED ones. I like that you say that you were married to the love of your life and wanted to spend the rest of your life with him and that he was able to spend the rest of his with you. I feel the same way and if you don’t mind I might steal that saying from you. My loving wife was my FIRST and ONLY LOVE and she will be my LAST. I will always LOVE her and I will always MISS her. Take care, John

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Hi Polly

‘ The light has gone out of my life’ sums up exactly how I feel. I don’t get real enjoyment out of anything anymore. I can smile and laugh but it’s all on the surface, nothing meaningful underneath.
I have been let down by some friends and some family but I don’t seem to care anymore, in fact I just expect it now. Even my counsellor has let me down as she went on holiday and I haven’t heard from her since. I should feel angry or upset but I don’t feel any of these emotions.
In fact the only emotion I do feel is that of wanting my husband back and a return to the life we had together.
I don’t want a future without him.

Take care of yourself,
X Julie

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Hi Polly,
I’m so sorry for your loss and I feel exactly the same as you.
I actually posted this same thing on Fb a few days ago as it a true reflection of what my life is like now.
My wonderful partner Pete passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly 11 weeks ago.
He was 59, we had been together just under 5 years, he was my soul mate and we had so many plans for the future.
We were blissfully happy, Pete was very tactile always holding my hand and he said he would tell me he loved me every day for the rest of my life, that’s a promise he kept for the rest of his.
He went out jogging, something he had done all his life and was very fit, and then the police came to my door to tell me he had been found on the side of the road.
I feel like my world ended that day and I just don’t know how to live my life without him.
His last words as I left the house that morning were “Love you!”
I just can’t understand why this happened to such a good man.
Life can be so unfair.

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Muldool,
I am sorry for your loss, my loving wife died unexpectedly and suddenly almost a year ago and I am still in a fog. I don’t know what to do or how to do it without my loving wife. We were together for 35 years and married for 34 years, we really only wanted to be with each other and I too don’t understand the why of any of this. I can say that our life died when my loving wife died and I really don’t know how to be alone anymore which I didn’t ever want. I don’t feel this is a life anymore but an existence and it is just so wrong. Take care, John

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Julie,
I am sorry to say I feel the same about this existence I am forced to endure. There is no joy, no pleasure and no real understanding of the why this happened. There is really very few people who have been here for me and even those don’t seem to want to talk about my loving wife. It is almost as if I am the only one who remembers my loving wife anymore. I am angry and frustrated and I get upset over the slightest things and I don’t like it. I don’t feel I have a future without my loving wife just more endless pain and suffering. I just hope that one day I am allowed to be with my loving wife again. Take care, John

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I know how you are feeling, it will be 13 weeks this Saturday since my Pete passed away and I am trying to be strong but it’s just so hard.
Every Saturday morning I relive what happened and I can’t believe I will never see him again.
We bought a little cottage in the countryside and spent all summer decorating and getting it the way we wanted it but Pete only got to live in it for 6 months and 3 days, he worked so hard and was so excited for our future.
I feel completely robbed, he was everything to me and like you I find no joy in anything anymore, my family and friends have been great in supporting me but unless you are in this position you can’t know how much it hurts and how sad I am.
Pete was so loving, kind, thoughtful and tactile. I miss my hand in his and his hugs, he said he would tell me he loved me every day for the rest of my life but it turned out to be for the rest of his.
People keep telling me it’s early days but I just can’t think about planning any kind of future, I don’t care about myself anymore and I tried to explain to my friend that recently that I’m not suicidal but I have no fear of dying because I could be wherever Pete is.
Life can be so cruel.

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Muldool,
I have said and continue to say the same thing about not fearing death, My loving wife was the only reason I ever wanted to be alive. We were supposed to be able to enjoy our future together after we were finished caring for my friend and her Mother. My friend died in January 2021 right before my loving wife died suddenly in March 2021 and then MIL died in August 2021. I am so tired and worn out from everything and you are correct that nobody can or will understand the pain and loneliness and every other emotion we are going through. As far as it being early in your grief, I am almost 11 months in and feel the same as I did at the beginning. For me each day is worse and the lack of support and my broken sleep and everything else just compounds it. I won’t end my life because I am afraid if I did I would never have a chance to be with my loving wife again. My loving wife was my world and because I LOVE(D) her so much my pain is that much worse. Take care, John

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Lonely,
I am sorry for your loss, whenever it was because I am not sure if I have ever interacted with you before. I too had experienced many deaths in my long life starting with my Mother when I was 2, and nothing compares or really prepares you for this kind of grief. For me the deeper our LOVE the more painful the loss. We had so much more to do and wanted to enjoy our golden years together. My loving wife was cheated out of her golden years because she had worked very hard since 1989 and worked up until the day she went into the Hospital and never got to enjoy the benefits of that hard work. She died 3 days later suddenly and unexpectedly and I will never fully understand why. The medical reasons don’t make any sense and that is what I keep saying nothing makes any sense anymore. Take care, John

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Lonely,
Thank you for the comments, I am basically all alone now since MIL died in August. I tried as hard as I could to care for her by myself and she just had too much medically wrong and her body just quit. Our son lives with me but he is never here so I am very lonely after having someone very important in my life for 35 years and it hurts without my loving wife here with me. Take care, John

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Hi John

Like you , I’m all alone. Family live far away and I have no real close friends just acquaintances. Ian and I only needed each other really and after being together for nearly forty years, it’s impossible to imagine a future without him. In fact, he passed away 34 weeks today and yet it seems like yesterday still. We were told he had a year but seven weeks later he was gone ………

How can life be so cruel,

Julie x

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I too now live alone, Pete and I moved here to start a new chapter in our lives and to be close to his elderly parents and sister, my family live a 3 and a half hour drive away.
They call me every day and visit as often as they can but have their own lives and families.
We moved here 9 months ago and Pete died 3 months ago, my neighbours and Petes family are all very kind and always asking if there is anything they can do to help me, but unfortunately the only thing that would help is Pete to walk back in the door, I just miss him so very much and my heart aches for him every second of every day.
He had no health issues and had a medical for his pilots licence in September which didn’t pick anything up. He left the house smiling and never came back. His last words to me were “I love you”

I miss everything about him and his coat still hangs in the hall, the clothes he was wearing that morning are still on a chair in our bedroom, I just can face moving them, his razor is still on the shelf in our bathroom.
These things bring me a little comfort, I don’t know how to live without my darling man.

Yvonne x

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Julie,
My loving wife died 335 days ago and it seems to me it was 335 years ago, we were together 35 years and it seems like minutes. Like you my loving wife and I were all each of us needed and we were happiest when together. take care, John

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Yvonne,
My loving wife and I never left each other without saying I LOVE you, because you never knew if it was the last. I say that because I have had many deaths in my life and never got to say it. One of my problems is that I didn’t get to hear my loving wife say I LOVE you because she had an oxygen mask on and I couldn’t hear her sweet voice. I also was not aware that she was as bad as she was when I left her, because I never would have left her. I am unable to find any real comfort right now as much as I try. I just want all of this to be over and be with my loving wife if possible again soon. Take care, John

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