Karenlouise,
I do understand what you say and I think I understand what you mean. When my loving wife first died, I was looking for her to come home from work at the “normal” time. I was expecting my loving wife to hold my hand in bed like she always did. It is all of the little things that over the 35 years we were together that were as you say routine. I miss my loving wife’s smile and her “look” when she was in a mood-good or bad. I agree that to me at least it is not getting any easier and in fact it seems harder each day. I have stated that I LOVED my loving wife more each day than the day before AND now I MISS my loving wife MORE each day than the day before. I understand that some people are able to move forward and deal with this grieving, I am not one of them. My loving wife was my whole world and I am nothing without her. I too hate existing without my loving wife, I can’t say this is living because my life ended when my loving wife died. I have cried everyday and every night since my loving wife died (352 days) and I believe I will until I die too. take care, John
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