Living alone after 53 years !

Hi,I lost my lovely wife in july ,after 53 years of being of in love,I’ve never felt so awful and alone,my daughters pop in ,and chat quiet often,I’m grateful for them but it only eases the pain for a few moments, I can’t explain such sadness, I have only joined this website today,I hope it will help me!

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Dear @Alan1 I’m sorry you have lost your lovely wife and everyone on this forum will have an understanding of the grief you are experiencing so you have come to the right place.
I lost my husband 4 months ago and I have found comfort here as sometimes you need the time to say how you really feel and have no judgment passed or rushing you into “moving on” we all need time to adjust and there are no timescales.
Sending my best wishes
Jen

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Thank you Jennifer for taking the time to reply,it means a great deal .

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You are very welcome you take care and please use this forum as and when you need it. You may also find helpful the sue Ryder grief coach… it has helped me immensely

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So sorry Alan, I’m sure posting your thoughts and feelings here will
Help you, I’m new on here too
Grieving is awful especially a partner who you loved so much, it’s like part of us has gone with them, hope you start to get some healing and keep posting how you feel, it will help a lot knowing others who understand, take care, Dee

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Dee101,thank you for your lovely words,I don’t know what my future holds,but coming to terms with the realisation that it’s will be just me is horrible ,I can’t believe that we won’t have any more holidays or cheeky last minute breaks which we both enjoyed so much ,I didn’t give it a second thought that I would be spending my old age alone without Anne,nothing to look forward to any more!

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Aww bless your heart, I was the same, later found trying to find things to look forward to again and you will, then keeping a little busy will help when your down the road a bit, some days are easier than others but the easier days will eventually start to out number those unbearable, desperate lonely days, little steps for now Alan, sadly this is the price we pay for love, in the meantime do keep sharing your feelings it’s good to express and even vent
Hope this has helped you a little bit and remember your Anne would want you to take care of yourself, and have some happy times ahead One Day at a time for now x

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Thank you X

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Anytime Alan , you take care x

If you have any pictures then have a slow look through them and try to remember when,who and why it was taken, and i hope you smile when you look at each picture that you look at. talk about her as often as you can. I have found by remembering silly things that happened with my mum and dad has helped me to cope with both of their deaths, i also got a new puppy to help me take my mind of the silly things that make me cry. Try to keep yourself as busy as you are able to do, try to go out at least twice a week, it helps me to get out and see people because quite often they have forgotten about the loss of your loved one so you will find it will be a general chat of whats been happening and stuff.

I lost my partner in 2007 of 12 years of marriage and i felt like i could carry on, I wished the earth would open up and swallow me up, but they my mum came and visited me and said come on shopping, and i found the distraction worked, but only while i was out and about, i always found that returning to our home was the hardest. but while your remembering her your keeping her memory alive. this may not work for you as it dont work for everyone but give it a try.
I am sorry to hear of your loss.

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Thank you Coco1,I have lots of lovely photos of Anne each one is a different cherished memory,I do try and go out, but all I see is happy couples,I have booked a small coach break next week,it will be my first time away without Anne,I hope I don’t show myself up.
Thank you for taking the time talking to me its comforting,hope all is well with you!

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Dear Alan, I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear wife. My dad is in the same position as you after nearly 57 years, my lovely mum died in September. My heart breaks for him and everyone in this position. I can’t offer you much help either but hope it helps knowing there are people who really care.

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Hi thank you it does help ,be there for your dad !

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My mum lost her husband of 34 years June 2014, and she became very ill, the doctor gave her 3 weeks to live when i finally got her to see a doctor, i managed to nurse her back to health and she lived another 8 years and she passed away at home with me by her side on 2nd of September, i feel like my whole world has been turned upside down, and not only was i very close to her but i was her carer i was also her eldest child of 3, so everything has fallen on my shoulders and i seem to go well for about 4 days and then suddenly everything gets on top of me and i crumble, i cry my eyes out, and i have taken my anger out on my brother as we are close, if not closer since mum passed. Its hard but you will get through it and with family and friends support you will begin to get your life back on track.

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Dear Alan 1. I know exactly how you are feeling. I miss my Husband dearly but most of all it’s the loneliness. Having not lived alone for 40 years I’m finding it hard.
I do have a daughter who lives nearby but she has a family and a full time job.
So I’m struggling at the moment. Your not on your own with this

Hi Alan.
I know how lost and lonely you are feeling just now.
I lost my husband Ken in August after 53 years together, life is very cruel at times.
Take care

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Hi. I lost my wife of 50 years back in April. I so remember those initial days and weeks when everything was black, thinking of what my life would be like in the future.
The only thing I knew for sure was that it wou NEVER EVER be the same. I later met a lady in a pavement cafe and she said “well, how would you like your life to be in the future?”

So I got a pen and paper and defined it. It went something like this:-

I’ll cry when I feel like it
I’m going to stay living in the only house we ever shared.
I’ll never turn away from things she loved, I’ll keep feeding the birds, and I’ll start rescuing hedgehogs, I’ll give away all her clothes to charity, and give her jewellery to all her best friends.
I’m going to be open to talking to strangers who might become friends
I’ll listen the friends advice and take it if it suits me.
I’m going to make sure our dogs have the best life possible.
I’m going to make my life gentle, kind, low cost, low risk, ignore world events (Putin etc)
Go to bed and get up when it pleases me
Unclutter the house
Not to create any “shrine” to her memory (that is and will always be in my heart, anyway)
Travel to those places I wanted to visit, but never did.
etc.

I’ve worked hard at achieving my new life.

After 7 months my life is pretty good again, she is never far from my thoughts, and I have the odd emotional moment, some tears but some smiles as well.

My life is ok, I’m more content than I ever thought I could be again.

But we have to be positive about it. If we just sit back and “hope” it happens, it’s most unlikely that it will.

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Hi,I’m in the same position married 52 very happy and loving years,I too am not letting world news drag me down,I’m just getting on with it,knowing my life will ever be so wonderful, she in my heart and in my thoughts always !

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Oh my goodness, this is amazing. I think this is marvellous advice for us all, thank you very much for sharing it.

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Thankyou Moosey. One of the things I didn’t mention was that a couple of weeks ago, I began to think “When do I finish grieving?”
The answer came to me fairly quickly and was “When I choose it to be finished”.
If I kept telling myself I’m grieving, then I’ll always be grieving. My life had improved so that I can be content again (not quite as content as I was).
I’m now 74 and did I want to spend the rest of my life beating myself up. I know my Wife would never want this to be my life for the rest of my days, she would want me to enjoy it.
So one morning when I woke up, I said to myself, “That’s it, grieving is done, get on with it”

It’ll be never like it was, I will often have sad spells, but it will be the best that it can be, and it’s ok.

When we get to this point is of course a personal choice, but allowing it to go on year after year can’t be good.

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