Hi Roo
I lost my lovely husband on the 5th February. He went into hospital to have a stomach procedure that didn’t go well for him. The procedure gave him severe pancreatitis, he just couldn’t eat anything and remained in hospital for 15 days. He came home to me still very unwell, couldn’t get him to eat anything and he was suffering so much pain he had to go back into hospital. He caught the virus and didn’t want to suffer or fight anymore. He was simply the best husband, dad and grandad, we had been together for 50 years. I have very supportive family and friends but I just miss him so much, I cry everyday for him. We loved sharing our lives together.
This is the hardest pain that I have ever had to go through. I go on one day at a time, I try to keep busy as that distracts my mind for a little while. You are not alone in this grief there are so many people out there suffering the way that we are. As time goes by I am hoping that my grief will get easier and softer. X
Hi Roo , I also lost my husband of 53 years in March , this grief road is endless I miss him so . I also have tried occupying myself but I suddenly am hit with sudden sadness . I am at the moment unable to take in I won’t touch him talk to him plan our week to come . People say as time goes on you will start to rebuild a life without him but at this time I don’t want to build a life without him . I am so sad at his sudden loss . He never woke up in the morning I was just nattering away to him as I opened the curtains and he never answered me he just looked like he was asleep . When I go to bed it’s like a camera going off in my brain a picture of him in bed . I now sleep on his side of the bed and sob myself to sleep only people who have gone through losing a partner can understand this it’s horrendous , my life without him is empty . 
I could have written exactly the same. What is left to us is just- loneliness of no boundary. The life we’ve lost was so sweet no sane people would like to leave it behind
Hi,
I am so sorry for your loss. My wife of 34 years died suddenly and unexpectedly in March. I am only able to function to care for MIL who has dementia to honor my wife. It has been a terrible 18 months for me as I am sure it was for you and others. We lost 3 of our pets last year, I was a caregiver for a friend for 11 years and he died in January My wife died in March and I had to euthanize our last dog 2 weeks ago. I hate my life now and dread the night I hate being alone I go to sleep crying I wake up crying and cry all day long for “no” reason except thinking about her. I have no friends to talk to about this which is why I have started posting on this forum. I used to think in terms of good days and bad days, now it’s bad and worse. I can truly understand how you feel about how you feel. The only ones who know this are the ones who are going through this and it is terrible and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I lost my whole world when my wife died she was my everything she was my soulmate and she was my life. Honestly I am surprised I am still alive because it feels like my heart was ripped out and my head exploded.
I am so sorry for your loss John it’s a terrible time for us all and nothing seems to ease the pain. I lost my husband in April last year to COVID I have never been one to post on things like this but I think it was January when started to post my thoughts and I do feel that it’s helping putting my thoughts out there and realising that other people out there understand what I am feeling because they are going through the same thing. I really hope it helps you too.
There really a lot of us going through exactly the same thing.
I am thinking of you.
God bless
That is so true
Me and my husband were together for 34 years as well. He died suddenly in March and we are still waiting to know why. He went out for a run and never came back. He was my everything and we never got to say goodbye. He spent the past 5 months doing the lion’s share of caring for my mum who has dementia. What is heartbreaking is that his mother’s health has declined because she can’t cope with losing him and she is now bed bound but I am not allowed to see her (one visitor only) so I can’t do right by him and look after her. I can’t even talk to her. Watching this and the pain my children are in makes me wonder what life is all about.
Hi,
Thank you. I found that if I talk it helps me for a “minute” This is just too much too soon and I am so lost without her. I feel for anyone who has ever had to suffer through this type of grief. I am just trying to do what I can for as long as I can.
Aw John9,
What tragic losses you have gone through! Keep posting on here because even a ‘minute’ is better than nothing. I was just making a card (my hobby) for my daughter for her brother and so suddenly burst into tears. It is two and a half years for me now, but I still miss my husband so much! Together from 18 until he went in hospital on my 65th birthday and died four days later - I just really expected him to come home as he has done many times before. This grief is awful - what I will say is I do have short spells of a bit of laughter with my two grandchildren, but always in the back of my mind is my husband should be seeing them growing up too. Please keep trying and posting - it is all we can do 
xx
My wife started having what we were told was a “good” reaction to the first Covid vaccine. She had a fever and headache and felt like crap, but she went to work and soldiered on. After a couple days she called 24 Nurse hotline and was told it was a good thing body was building immunity take Tylenol and if it continued to call her Doctor. It continued she called the Doctor office and was told the same thing. She finally thought maybe she actually had Covid and was tested with 2 tests, 15 minute and 24 hour ones. Both came back negative. She went to work on Monday, 10 days after vaccine called her Doctor he said maybe she had pneumonia and ordered antibiotics and x-ray. Tuesday got the x-ray Wednesday results said no pneumonia Thursday she went to work, they sent her home because she looked like crap. Doctors office called and said go to ER. I took her to hospital and because of MIL I couldn’t be with her. She called later to say she had an infection and they were going to admit her. I saw her Thursday night and she was “hot” but thought it was going to be okay. I went home to care for MIL. Thursday night she sent text to say still hot and we would talk in the morning. Friday morning received a call from hospital that she was having chest pains and the were going to do a catheterization of heart. Asked if I wanted to be there I said my MIL was not awake and hadn’t been fed yet and I was unable. Doctor called after procedure and said she had a 100% blockage on widowmaker artery and they put in stent. I was told to wait and call after awhile. I called and talked to her and she was unable to talk because of recovery time. She called later and said she had been told Thursday night after I left that Doctor thought she might have had a heart issue. We talked for a minute and they came in room to do something. They had to insert an IV into her neck to deliver medication directly in bloodstream Her blood pressure was too low and heart rate was too fast. I saw her Friday night and all things considered she looked good.
I went home to care for MIL said I would talk to her in the morning. I called Saturday morning and she didn’t answer, I called to speak to nurse and was told she was busy and she would call me, she didn’t. I went to hospital and when I got to the room my wife was in terrible “shape” she had an oxygen mask on a was fighting it and they wanted to insert a breathing tube and an IV directly into her hand and she never liked to be restrained and was in bad state. The Doctor asked to speak to me in the hall and said to me she was in a critical state and septic and that was the first time anyone indicated how bad things might be. I had to leave because I was not allowed in the room while they did the procedures and had to go home to care for MIL. We never left each other without saying I love you and I said it and I believe she said it too but I couldn’t “understand” her words. I received a call an hour later and the Doctor said that they reached out to U of M hospital to see if they would “take” her and they would let me know. After a few hours of not hearing anything I called and was told that they had just left with her but it took 30 minutes to stabilize her for transport. The nurse gave me the information where she was going and said to wait about an hour before calling, I never got to call because the Doctor called me to say her heart and lungs had stopped and asked what I wanted them to do, I said do all you can and she said okay. I prayed to God with all I could for her to be okay. About 30 minutes later the Doctor called back and said she was gone. At that moment I realized God said no. I went to the hospital after having someone come for MIL so I could get closure even though I knew she was gone. Longest drive in my life (both ways). The official cause of death is listed as a heart attack and narrowing of carotid artery with pneumonia listed way bown on death certificate, none of it makes any sense then or now.
I am so sorry for all that you and your lovely wife went through. It is just a living nightmare and it’s hard to make any sense of it. My husband had COVID last year (I gave it to him and cannot forgive myself for that). He didn’t recover quickly and was sent for chest X-ray and ECG but everything was supposedly clear. Each time he spoke to a doctor about the fact that he wasn’t back to his normal self they didn’t seem concerned. He was fine to do his usual day to day things and was trying to gradually improve his fitness again. He had his vaccination exactly a week before he died so I don’t know whether this had any effect or not. Still waiting for the report - over 12 weeks on now. I want someone to tell me that it was something that we couldn’t have done anything about and would have happened anyway - but I don’t think they will.
After my wife died they wanted an autopsy and I said no because it won’t change anything and I couldn’t have that hanging over me for up to 6 months. I accept the cause listed because those facts are real. They checked for what they could with the time they had. I can tell you what she didn’t have not what caused the infection. I need to get all of my paperwork in order so my son is protected when I die because I don’t want him to have that to deal with. I know Doctors rarely want to implicate anyone or anything so I think you are right about that.
We don’t get a choice here. The first Post mortem didn’t show anything so they had to do a second.
Because she was under a Doctors care as long as they “had” a cause it was up to me. I didn’t want her cutup, and it may sound weird because she was cremated but that was my belief. It was just too fast. We didn’t even have a service because it was too hard for MIL, son and me. We agreed that we couldn’t handle people we didn’t “know” telling us how good she looked or how she is in a better place because she isn’t. I’m sure you have had those comments too and it’s wrong even though it isn’t said to be mean it isn’t helpful. How is her not being with her family a better place, how is not being with her soulmate a better place. My neighbor made a comment when she died that out of all of the married couples he knew “my wife and I actually liked each other” That is partly why it is so hard I would rather spend time with her than do anything else, now I can’t.
People said we were like one. We were - we just got on so we’ll together. We’d grown up together from being teenagers. He did so much good and his passing has caused so much harm - his mother is now in hospital and can’t cope with the heartbreak so has retreated into her own world. I just don’t understand life.
I always thought that after the things that happened in my life I “knew” how it was. I always told my son that life isn’t fair and if you think it is you are wrong. I accepted this to be true but didn’t need to slapped in the face with it either. I first saw my wife in late 1985 and I believed in love at first sight, she needed a little longer. We got together in 1986 and married in 1987 we had 34 years of marriage and we were in a very good place. We were dealing with the various caretaking responsibilities between my friend and MIL and the stresses of that but it seemed to be nothing we as a team couldn’t handle. Now alone it is overwhelming and it is killing me. Sadly no one can help and 2 of MIL sisters have never even called to see how she is doing after the death of her daughter.
Sounds very similar to us. We got together at 16, he was absolutely sure it was for life, I wasn’t at that point. We’d been together for 34 years. Had stresses over the last 8 months as my mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia. He was brilliant with her and we worked as a team. She had just gone into a home 5 days before he died. Now his mother is worse (she wasn’t before his death) but I can’t help as she is only allowed one visitor and that’s her daughter. He would want to be here to help her, especially after being so great with my mum. Life is cruel - I now have to watch as she gives up.
That is why “we” decided to care for her mother when she was diagnosed 5 years ago, we saw my wife’s grandma go into a facility and give up and die too quickly, then grandpa died 2 weeks later. MIL has gone down faster than before but not sure if only because of wife or if at that stage. I know my wife would be crushed having to see this happening with her mother so quickly but I would have been there for her and now she can’t be here with me. I said she was my everything and that also meant my best friend and I need my best friend here to help me with this.