I hope we all get strength and understanding from this forum.
I am just finding it all really difficult at the moment.
I know I’ll come through the other side eventually but it’s the getting there that difficult.
Take care X
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Hi, it’s nice for someone else to be honest. We will never be able to move on. When the biggest part of your life dies, how can you. The only difference between us, I have never called it limbo, but it is appropriate. I call it Groundhog Day. It’s absolutely non ending. Struggle through one day, struggle through the night, then the next day, and the next, ad infinitum. 
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Hi CathPhil, why act, why pretend. Sod everyone else. I haven’t had any joy, haven’t laughed, don’t sleep, still sleeping on the sofa, hardly eat, lost over 4 stone. That’s in 13 weeks, which is exactly 3 months this Tuesday since my sweetheart Mandy died. I long every night it’s my last. Life has utterly no meaning or point. This isn’t depression talking, it’s just not liking or wanting this life I’ve ended up with.
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Hi @swojto
You are absolutely right, how can we move on when our lives are unbearably changed from the wonderful and happy ones we had?
I am still sitting in bed reading these posts for support whilst remember our precious Sundays together. What I wouldn’t give to be cooking our Sunday lunches again. Richard always liked to prepare and cook the veg.
Every day is a struggle. I look forward to going to bed.
Try and keep strong.
Love and hugs everyone xx
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My other struggle is my 5 year old grandson who was very close to his grandad and takes his anger and frustration out on me, saying he hates me and wishes it was me not his grandad, then he’s said he wants to be with his grandad, and that shatters the remaining part of my heart even more.
Stay strong everyone. X
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Hi Rome, if you’re dreading it, don’t do it. Keep your love’s ashes. When you pass away have your ashes mixed and get a relative to deliver both your ashes to where your husband wanted. You will be happier ( if you can call it that) and your husband’s promise will be kept. You are the one who needs the most comfort at the awful time.
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I am so very sorry to hear @Deedee62 of your added problem with your grandson, it must unbearable. I hope he soon recovers. Grief affects us all in many ways, young or old!
Sending hugs xx
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Deedee62
Bless you that must be horrendous for you
Big hugs,
My grandchildren live a 5 hour drive for me so I facetime them mostly as I have lost my confidence to drive far I shall see them over the summer hols ,
When my father passed away my son was in a terrible state as he was close to his grandad ,
Thinking of you take care xxx
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Hi Deedee, just remember he’s only 5. You are understandably very emotional at this awful time. Just don’t take it to heart. Your grandson may be grieving in his own way.
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Thank you @swojto.
I really do not have a choice, and if I don’t keep my promise, I will feel forever that I let him down I loved him so much. Also, we have a number of the family travelling from overseas and arrangements are in hand with the vicar, who will be taking the service in the memorial garden.
I am going to keep some of his ashes to bring home.
Life is horrible when once it was so happy and fulfilling. Oh, to have peace and contentment again! I know that will never be and I have to remember how it was.
Hugs xxx
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Hi Rome, you do have a choice. It’s you who needs all the comfort at this moment. Your husband would want you to find any peace you can to get through these horrible days. If you want your ashes mixed just tell everybody. Most will understand, those who don’t, sod them. You promise will be kept and your husband would think that outcome with you both together a great comfort as well. Just remember, brides cancel at the altar. You look after yourself, nobody else will. XX💔
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Hello everyone.
Thank you for all the responses to my thread about ‘Living in limbo’
This site is amazing .
And it’s so comforting to read that we all have the same feelings about living in limbo, painting smiles, pretending, feeling our lives stopped when our soulmates died, feeling like we’ve lost the old me, not liking our new me’s
etc etc…
Which is why losing a husband/wife/ partner is like no other loss.
And why it’s so hard for those who have not walked in our shoes to understand.
Big hugs to you all, we’ve made it half way through Sunday. Well done my lovelies 
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Cathphil and all on this forum
Life is so different without our loved ones,
I cannot sleep at night ,and I think I have Widows Fog as I cannot think straight at times and my husband is in my mind all the time ,
I still have all his clothes in the wardrobe,I cannot face sorting them out ,
I’ve been to visit his grave this morning and also there Thursday,it just gives me some comfort,
I’ve not had coucilling,I don’t know if that has helped anyone on here ,
Take care and big hugs to all of you
Sue xx
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Hello again Cathphil.
I’m not sure if I am going to say the wrong thing but I do contradict those members that are in very early days of the grieving and say that it will never change for them. True, you will never forget. True, your life has changed. True you will probably never be the same person again but you can overcome the deep loss and misery that you are feeling at this moment and life will start to have some joy and acceptance in it again. I know, I’ve been there as so many other people have and now after four years on the merry go round, the crashing of the waves, the ups and downs I can say I do find some pleasure in my life again. Perhaps I have not expected too much in life and decided to search for the simple things that gave me some pleasure. Walking my dogs, alone or with friends, watching my dogs play with their many friends. Enjoying the countryside and what nature has to offer, my allotments and the veg I grow and the companionship of other members, my own garden. All simple things and not that exciting but I have adapted. My husband isn’t coming back but I have kept him in my heart and my everyday life and that alone has helped me.
What does it matter if people don’t understand, why should they. It’s our loss and our grief and belongs to us. No one can know how we feel. They might feel sorrow for us but it doesn’t affect their lives. When the loss has blown ours apart. Did any of us understand previously, did we act with compassion. I know I didn’t. It wasn’t my grief as sorry as I felt for them.
It is a totally different life for many of us but we have to make it a livable life and I found that being grateful for what I did have and anything that was remotely pleasurable and not for what I had lost helped me.
Pat
xx
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Hi Sheila
I think we can prove that life does go on and we can adapt. Like you it was an uphill struggle but with determination we can get there. I don’t buy clothes or jewellery and don’t dress up (except for an outing) as my life is completely different to yours. I am continually outdoors, walking or gardening, growing my veg etc but I have continued with something that gives me pleasure and that is the most important.
I can still have a cry but I don’t fear it anymore and can now cope with living alone and not lonely and look for the positives.
Now you have made me smile. I also have my music on. fixed into my ears as I also dance in the garden or anywhere in the house for that matter to 60’s/70’s music. Yes, painting the fence and pruning the shrubs.
You mention using a telescopic hedge trimmer. I have to get one to keep next doors overhang under control. I presume a woman can hold them. I was worried about their weight.
Pat
xx
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@Deedee62 I’m also 8 weeks on from losing my husband who was also only 63, it’s like existing in a living hell, so many different emotions on different days, I know people say remember the happy times but it’s those times that makes missing them harder because there will never be precious moments again, this site definitely is helping me as we’re all going through the same nightmare , love and hugs to you 
xx
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So sorry to hear your struggle.
I’m also 8 weeks in. My husband was only 55. Today was particularly difficult. I hate the weekends. I totally agree, I break down in uncontrollable sobs if i think of any of our many good moments. I just don’t know what to do with myself each day, nothing gives me any kind of positive feeling right now.
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Dear Sheila
I went to my brother’s for lunch and so I made a special effort to dress up. I really need to buy some new clothes. I looked after Richard for over two years and before that, there was lock down and so I did not have a lot of time or opportunity to buy ‘stuff’ or feel like it.
Since he passed away in January, I have worn what I already had, not that I have been out a great deal. I am going to treat myself now.
Like you say, we get out of dressing up, make-up, etc when we haven’t done it for a while. I have decided to throw everything away in my cosmetic bag and start again. I still lack confidence and a girl friend is going with me to do a real ‘girlie’ shop.
I live in an apartment but we do have a lovely garden and can sit out there and do the odd weeding if we feel like it. A gardener comes fortnightly, so it’s always in good shape. I think you are amazing … cutting hedges and painting fences!
I totally dislike living alone and talk to Richard constantly. I miss him so much, it hurts, just like you with Peter. I cry and cry and get through boxes of Kleenex. I still cannot listen to music and mostly watch old quiz programmes. I cannot risk hearing/seeing our favourites.
I do worry about my future and hope I can manage as well as you have done. It is early days for me and I do struggle without my wonderful husband.
You are inspirational - thank you.
Take care.
Love
Rosemary x
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Don’t know what to say apart from I feel similar (no-one feels the same) and wish you well. All though I have everything as such, can’t live without my Joan and quite happily go just to be with her.
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@Pattidot I agree we have to try and move forward and find things that we enjoy doing. I do think it’s easier if you enjoy more solitary hobbies like walking, pets & gardening. The things my husband and I enjoyed together were travelling, eating out and the theatre. These are activities that are much more challenging on my own. While I have friends and family to accompany me occasionally it’s not the same as having a constant companion. But life goes on and I have to try to live it so will make an effort.
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