Hi cathphil, i can resonate with what you say and feel. My husband, soul mate, best friend died suddenly 12 weeks ago. After sharing with a family member how much I am missing him i was asked if i felt depressed and to make sure i was eating.
Family have also said we will have triggers at certain times like birthdays etc and im trying to get them to understand that im feeling lost, in pain, sad, lonely etc every moment of everyday.
Its like im expected to now just move on and however im feeling to just keep quiet as everyone else is getting on with their lives but ive lost the love of my life, my future and feel so disconnected.
Hugs to you x
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Lucy’s
I understand how you are feeling,
It was my husband Birthday last Friday,
And I had a meltdown on the Thursday when I visited his grave
I have my Birthday in August and them September our anniversary and then October it will be 12 months since he passed
Life is so different for us all since we lost our soulmates,I met my husband when I was 19
I do go out walking ,and my husband cousin has been my rock,she gets me out once a week
Big hugs take care
Sue x
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Dear Sheila
Thank you for your sound advice, I will try and not think too much about the future as I have been doing such a lot, and take each day at a time.
Richard loved tennis and was still playing at 73. We loved watching all of the tournaments together and Wimbledon starts today. I will have great difficulty watching it without him. In fact, will no doubt find it too painful to watch.
Missing him more than ever this morning, must get on with chores and cheer up, Shopping later, more upset as I have to look away from his favourites.
Although my heart is breaking, I am thankful I had his love and a wonderful life.
I hope you have a nice day.
Love
Rosemary x
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Thank you Sue for your message. Im glad your husbands cousin is there for you.
Everything is different and empty but i dont feel able to accept that yet but im sure i will. X
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Lucy
Thank you for your kind words,
Take care of yourself, big hugs
Everyone is so supportive on this forum
X
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Hi all, i was 9 months exactly yesterday, the date and the day and ive been feeling low the last few days in the build up to it. I was busy the beginning of the week but not having anything to do or any motivation to do the last few days didnt help.
I too feel like im living in limbo, @Jan17 mentioned grounhog day, thats exactly how i described it to a friend the other day. I try and keep busy in the day, but the evenings are so long and lonely without my man to chat and just be with. Then i go to bed and wake up and the next day is just the same. Im sorry this post isnt very positive just wanted to vent with you all, i know you all understand. Just abit low these last few days xx
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Hi Sheila
Thanks for the info about the hedge trimmer. I want a corded one as I will use it on my allotments and there is no electricity. I don’t shop with Amazon as I have had problems with them wanting Brian’s details all the time. I have a different laptop and my own email address now but I still have the problem although Brian’s details have been deleted, so I have given up on them. But I will do my research for a trimmer that I can handle. Just annoyed that I am having to trim back next doors tree’s from coming over MY fence. I feel like swearing at their overhang.
You know Sheila I also get the heeby jeebies but at the thought of shopping. I hate it. I have plenty of clothes and had to get rid of bag loads of smart outfits when I gave up work. I just didn’t need them any longer. My jewelery also went. Not much use for them now. I don’t go out at night and don’t want to anymore. Neither do I want to go on holidays although we travelled extensively.
I also love my gardening and with two large allotment plots (mine and Brian’s) and my own garden which I enjoy looking after and keeping it tidy, Walking my beloved dogs and meeting up with walking friends I am kept pretty busy. I have my home and do all my own decorating (just about to start some more) Not enough hours in the day sometimes.
Like you I would never want to go out with anyone (unless it was a toyboy) as I might find myself having to look after them if they had bad health and as much as I would have looked after my Brian for ever and a day I don’t want to ever find myself in that position again. I am now used to my own independence.
I am also lucky enough to be fit and healthy with no illness or medication. Love my gym workouts and now do my dancing at home (lockdown closed it) plus 20 minutes of Yoga every night. (have you tried dancing around to Stevie Wonder, I love his music)
Like you in my own way I am happy enough. I quite like my peace and quiet and only see family about once a month. I appreciate what I have. A nice home, enough to live on and good health to enjoy my activities. I hope those members that are suffering will take heart that we can forge ahead and find some contentment again and we do learn to live with and control our grief. Although in the early days we are all lost souls.
PS. I remember Dave Clark five and the stamping of the feet.
Love Pat
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Hi Sheila
I do so agree with you in many ways. I also love the sixties jive music. I learned to jive to Paul Anka’s Diana, Runaround Sue is one of my favourites, I bet some members haven’t a clue what were on about and I also lost interest with the likes of the Beetles. I looooove Rock and Roll music and met my first husband because I could jive well and after dancing with me all evening he decided that he would marry me. I was sixteen. We entered many jive competitions and I also don’t recognise the ‘jive’ they do on Strictly.
Like you I have learned to like my life as it is and I have enough money to live comfortably but don’t have much to spend it on now. (Sods law when I was so hard up when my children were small and hubby walked away from us).
So I think we are proving that we can lead a comfortable life once again but remember our men every day.
Pat
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Dear Sheila and Pat
Richard and I didn’t meet until our early 40’s but we were still passionate about 60’s music, especially Richard. He compiled his own music stick of our favourites.
The trouble is at the moment, I cannot listen to it without sobbing from the memories of singing along and enjoying it with him.
We have so many memories of our wonderful husbands and I thank God every day for the precious years we were together.
Today has been awful!
Love Rosemary x
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Dear Sheila
Although our apartment is a good size, I cannot really do too much manoeuvring of things around. I suppose subconsciously I realise that and have managed to sit in the lounge and actually feel Richard there. I have completely changed the bedroom where he had to use a hospital bed. All new furniture but I still hate going in there.
I hope I shall be able to listen to music, watch our type of programmes on tv and read books before too long.
I realise that my life will never be the same but am determined to remember him and our life in every way possible so that he remains with me.
I constantly talk to him and hug his coats every time I go into the hall cupboard. His tennis racket has pride of place, and his piano is as he last played it showing the piece of music he played … Scott Joplin. Oh, to hear him play again!
The more I think and remember him, the more I love him. I just wish I could tell him.
Love
Rosemary x
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@Lucys
Thank you for your reply
It helps so much to know others feel the same.
Big hugs to you from me 
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@Skip
Dear Skip I am sorry you are having a bad time. I understand how you feel. On 28th of this month it will be nine months for me also.
I don’t know if you feel the same but sometimes it feels like the months have flown by then another time it is yesterday again.
I tried to motivate myself today, I cut the front lawn then sat watching the tv for the rest of the day but not really seeing it.
I read posts from others who are further along on this journey and I feel hopeful for my future. The loneliness and the quiet in the evening is so hard but I put on the tv or radio so I don’t feel so alone.
I hope you start having better days soon.
Sending love and hugs your way xxx
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Thanks for your reply @Alir, yes i did alot of reflecting yesterday, some things were very clear, other things a blur and cant believe its 9 mths.
im finding it hard to motivate myself to do anything but i have very good friends who organise walks and coffee dates. Ive discovered i enjoy gardening, its my little safe haven. this forum is a lifesaver and gives hope and support, thank you. Love and hugs to you @Alir
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Everything that has been said is the way I have been feeling, groundhog day and altered universe. Because my husband died suddenly I have to deal with the police, health and safety and the inquest system - I feel I have been so tormented by the thoughts of all these things, I haven’t grieved for my husband in the way he deserves. After about 8 months, I got to the stage when people asked me how I was, I said fine yeh better. What do they expect us to say? If I told them exactly how I was feeling, they wouldn’t want to hear it. If you ever watched Harry Potter, do you remember the scene in the tent when they were depressed and lonely and a tune came on the radio and then they danced and smiled and laughed, but when the song ended they went straight back to the depressed state they were before, well that’s me, gardening, meeting people, listening to music is good while it lasts, but nothing helps - not really. I hate travelling and I’ve been on two weekend breaks already this year and have planned to go on two more holidays later in the year… I am hoping as time passes it will improve.
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@No-words thats alot to deal with, as well as your grief. I hope things get easier soon.
I like your way of describing it. I havent been on holiday yet, not quite brave enough to go on my own. We used to do alot of holidays/weekend breaks, i really miss those. I hope they get easier for you xx
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Hi Jan just looked back and picked up on your reply. Sorry for the delay.
I have to agree with you it is probably easier if we can do things on our own. I had been a decent distance walker for years before I met my husband so was used to it being me and the dogs and the open countryside I liked my own company. Although we was also members of the Ramblers together. I was lucky that my husband also enjoyed walking, gardening and cycling. I love gardening and now have both our allotments to get on with, again on my own but with members stopping for a chat plus I have my own garden. It all helped. However we also travelled extensively, went to the theatre and out for a meal at least once a week. The latter activities I have more or less given up. I don’t go to the theatre anymore, or go out for meals unless invited by family or friends and I don’t want to go on holidays (not a good traveller anyway), I have sand , sea and lovely countryside all around me and that suits me. Keep making that effort it will pay off in the end.
Pat xx
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@Pattidot thank you for your reply. Gosh you are doing so much, I take my hat off to you. Although I keep myself busy not a patch on you. You obviously quite like your own company. I’m the opposite, I’ve never been a solitary person and hate it even more now. You gave up some of the pastimes you and your husband enjoyed (but kept others). That is my worry that I will stop doing the things I enjoyed with my husband, like the theatre, meals, holidays etc. I’m making a conscience effort to keep doing the things we loved as I’m sure he would want me to. Just back from a short break with my granddaughters and although it was hard I did it. Take care.
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Well done @Jan17 that is what it is all about, pushing ourselves and even going out of our comfort zone. I had no choice but to keep walking as I had my dogs and found that combined with the effects of nature and the exercise I felt that much better and positive, even if it only lasted a short while in the beginning. I tried going out for meals but the food tasted like sawdust and I didn’t really enjoy it although I am adapting a bit better now when I meet up with friends or family. I tried pushing myself early on but eventually found I was better just keeping to the things I enjoyed the most rather than struggling with new things. Lockdown helped there, I had no choice but to get used to my own company but I did go for long walks everyday and enjoyed my allotments and all this helped me in the long run.
I can honestly say I don’t know what my husband would have wanted of me but I do know he would have wondered what all the fuss was about when I was crying continually. He loved his own space and enjoying his painting, music and photography so I know he would have been just fine if he had been left so I try to follow his example.
I found it was fine to just let life happen and not worry what you would or wouldn’t do. I kept to the things that came to me naturally and I enjoyed and felt comfortable with. I did find that thrown in amongst a lot of people (even those I knew well) I just wasn’t comfortable and felt the odd one out all the time although I have no trouble talking to anyone usually. We was also keen cyclists but I gave this up as I preferred to walk with my dogs rather than leave them behind. So see how it goes, you will know if something is what you want.
Pat
xx
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I understand your sentiments exactly .
I lost my partner after 17 years after agreeing to early semi retirement last October and so we planned our future together.
On Valentines morning I found her slumped on the toilet she had suffered a heart attack .
Everyone tells me it will get better in time well for me it simply has not . I try and live as normal life as I can, but in reality it is not the life I chose or wanted it is purely and existence living from one day to the next .
Every day is a challenge I cannot stop thinking about Jane I cry uncontrollably whether is a memory a song on the radio I am simply living in hell.
I feel I am walking on long pathway with no sunshine walls either side and I have to keep walking not really knowing where I am walking to or where the path is leading. On my pathway there are no exits so I just keep walking it is a lonely journey I do not see anybody I feel numb .
I wish the path would end I would never take my own life as I do have two wonderful daughters and four lovely grandchildren but the truth is I do not want to be walking the pathway and I will be so happy when I am at the end and can be reunited with Jane once more.
Living with grief is living in your own bubble watching the world go by people leading normal lives, but no one understands what you are truly going through I just want my bubble to burst.
John
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@JohnP1961 so sorry for your loss. I can relate to some of what you say. My husband passed away in April this year from cancer. We were married nearly 35 years. In the beginning I felt a lot of what you are feeling. Now 3 and a bit months on I feel slightly more in control and don’t feel the utter despair & meltdowns as often as I did in the beginning. However, no matter how busy I keep I feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness and sadness. I too struggle to understand how I’m going to have a meaningful future. But I do take comfort from people on here who are further on this journey and have meaningful lives. I have found this forum a huge help being able to share with others who truly understand what it’s like to lose your partner/soulmate/love of your life. Take care
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