Loneliness and empyness

I lost my husband in April 2020 am a lady in her 40s. I am struggling with feeling lonely and empty. I still am struggling to accept that this is it. We had been in a 10 year relationship. Everything has changed.
People have moved on with their lifes and I feel stuck and often I just tell people am okay because I dont think they understand how am feeling even .
How does one cope really? How can I distract myself I often sit on the television and struggle to concentrate.It’s very difficult if I have some important news to share i just deal with it myself, Today was difficult I had to go and see the GP because I I was unwell and then I realised that I am now really on my own.
I found the trip to the GP very stressful being alone
the stress of even going to the Drs in such difficult times . Normally am a very health person who hasn’t required visiting Drs but with the stress my body has become run down and thus unwell.
This grief is very very hard.I appreciate the opportunity to be here and be able to just say exactly how am feeling which is lonely and empty

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Hello Natalie. I think that we on here, can all relate to how you’re feeling. The place I hate going the most is the dentist. We always went there together, always. Even if I was going for treatment my husband would still come with me. There was no sitting in the waiting room either, he always came into the surgery with me. Now when I go, I feel so alone. I hate it!
I hope you’re feeling better after your doctor’s visit Natalie.
Take care. Sending love xx

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Thanks Kate.
Yes the dentist is a tricky one as well.
We just have to keep going.

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We were the same Kate we had the same Dentist so used to get a double appointment. Same hairdresser so once again double appointment so we always went together. We didn’t have a double appointment at the nail bar :joy: but Colin always came with me and had a laugh with the girls while I was getting done then we would go out for lunch. So many things we now have to do on our own :frowning: x

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We had special relationships with our men, didn’t we girls? :heart: David and I used to go to the chiropodist together too. He hated having his feet touched though, whereas I love it. He went because I said he needed to. I love a man who does as he’s told :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::rofl:

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Yes we did crazy Kate, and that’s why we’re feeling so lost and alone… All those lovely memories are so painful for us as we struggle on alone but one day they will bring us happiness, I am sure. Or I hope! x

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:joy: Colin did as he was told as well bless him. I miss him giving me a foot massage and tickling my back in bed :grin: taking me to the theatre even when he hated it :joy: It went both ways though, the amount of times I sat frozen watching him clay pigeon shooting or flying his remote control helicopter :roll_eyes: but hey that’s what love is all about :two_hearts:

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Hi Natalie, yes it’s all the things that you used to do together that now you have to do on your own. I hate the weekly shop. No more ‘Dine in for two meals ‘. Portions too big for one, or you have every thing two days running. Coming into an empty house. Making every decision on your own, I’ve made lots of silly mistakes. It is exhausting having to be in charge of everything - pink and blue jobs! Initially I was on some mad rollercoaster- trying to keep on top of everything. Now I just try to slow down, I think we all try to keep busy to stop us thinks about our loved ones but we just end up physically and mentally exhausted.

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I understand. I’m in my 40’s and was married for nearly 23 years. We were an item and totally enjoying life till the doctor’s diagnosed menapause when it was actually cancer. We had just over 2 days together. Funeral was yesterday. Even us lads struggle with nights, days, going to shops and every day things like hearing the hairdryer.
I’m totally devistated and feel I can’t cope.

So sad for you. , but you will cope, even though you can’t imagine it. I felt just like you and it’s now 8 weeks. I can’t say it’s all good because of course it never will be. But the walking around feeling like you’re sleepwalking in some terrible kind of nightmare will lessen. I still have terrible days whenI just cry but on other days I can laugh a little and feel a bit like the old me for a short while. Just manage one day at a time and tell yourself what an achievement that is. . I find writing a diary helps and keep posting here. Everyone is so kind and understands exactly what you’re going through. I know it feels like it, but you’re not alone. Sending courage and lovex

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It’s this group that keeps me going. All the contact I had when she passed 2 weeks ago has ended. I find it helpful I can put how I feel on here knowing most understand. I really appreciate the comments and support as I don’t have it from anywhere else. Thank you

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Always here for you and everyone so caring . Sending lovex

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I feel your pain, my wife died 4 weeks ago on Saturday, we has such a loving relationship and I don’t know how I will cope, these last 4 weeks have been filled with so much pain, I can’t sleep in our bed so sleep on the sofa with the TV on for company. I try and take a day at a time but its so tough and this Sunday, the 21st will be my birthday, how can cope with that, I wish I could sleep through it.

It’s been 7 weeks since my wife was snatched from my life and the overwhelming grief keeps increasing. The first few weeks were not quite as bad probably due to shock and disbelief. I still can’t believe she is not coming back. I am keeping the house and garden tidy, secretly hoping I’ll get some praise when she returns. I then breakdown when I realise she is not coming back. We held the funeral the day after my birthday and next Tuesday would have been our 56 year anniversary.
So I’m wishing love and strength to all of you because we need loads of it through these unbearable days.

Al, I really feel for you and relate to how you’re feeling. When we’ve been with our partner for such a long time, 52 years for us, life without them is just unimaginable and all so unreal. Like you I expect him to be in his shed so I can show him something I’ve planted or expect him to come upstairs in the morning with a cup of tea, something he always did. Then the realisation sets in again and cuts like a knife, hurting more each time it happens. It’s been eight weeks now and I had the same experience, numbness and sleepwalking through the first couple of weeks but now this is it , so final as we loved them so much and it’s virtually impossible to function without them. We have to accept our lives will never be the same again and try to make some sense of it and somehow get through,. Thinking of you and sending love.

Yes you’re right, it’s all the little things that set me off. Little things that no one else would understand. I miss our routine and find it very hard to understand this new routine. But, as you say, we have to accept our lives will never be the same again. It does upset me when I read about others who are years into grief and still finding it hard going. I don’t expect it to switch off but I hate the thought that it may control the rest of my life…you have to say “what’s the point?”
Anyway, sorry about that little rant!
Thank you for your kind words which resonate with my feelings.
Thinking of you and sending love through these hard days.

That was no rant! Obviously everyone reacts differently and grieves in different time frames. At the moment we don’t feel we’ll ever properly get over it, I think eventually some sort of resignation must kick in but I must admit I’m feeling like my life’s over now. which is pretty pathetic so having words with myself! You take care and keep going !

It’s not pathetic. If it is I would definitely be in that club. It’s how your feeling and emotions and loss play havoc. Some have lost partners,parents or children and what I have noticed I’m 3 weeks in from losing my wife others have been a lot longer and some deal with it quickly others take a lot longer or even never get over it.

Sobering thought though isn’t it? Let’s hope we find some sort of peace with it all x

I want peace but never forget the pain of losing her. She was my everything I could have ever asked in a loving wife. Even in her last hours she thought about looking after me when she’s not here