Pattidot, well done. Your getting on with stuff, I’ve got a greenhouse, problem is it’s in the garage in 5 boxes. It was delivered and I have to build it. I keep stepping over it and telling myself to build it but I always find a way out. It’s a shame this site can’t post pictures, I’d love to see things your all doing.
It sounds like you are wanting to push close to your limits. Like they say… No gain without pain.
I’ve always thought that the most effective learning opportunities are the most painful. I’m presuming you reflect on what happened and why. Just completing the Learning Cycle by deciding how to use all that and work out how to do it differently next time, and that’s the way forward.
I like reading your posts but I always feel I need a rest after. Keep on keeping on and you’ll get there.
Hi Pattidot,
I have so many of those days. Though some things turn out better than I anticipate. For instance my heating and water system stopped working, I had people in to check it and was told I needed a whole new system. I had a meltdown about it as I didn’t want the system taken out that my husband had installed. I read the manual constantly for four days, and managed, so how, to narrow it down to just needing a new fan. £40 for fan £40 to have it fitted, job done and all still working 3 months later.
So very chuffed with myself. And I get to keep the original system for a bit longer.
Lesley x
Well done you.
You can achieve anything if you want to the problem is believing it.
William
Thank you William, how are you ?
Lesley x
Thank you William, how are you ?
Lesley x
Hanging in there working this weekend. Not been on too much but still read a lot of posts. Not had a great week the horrible sadness feeling was a bit too much.
But I’m still here and trying as best I can.
How are you.
William
The same as you I suppose. Some days not as bad as other days. I don’t get any good days, but some ok. I don’t like feeling ok as it seems disloyal somehow ? It’s just about getting through.
Are you getting out much ?
Lesley x
Hi Lesley, I’m getting a new kitchen put in this week as the old one was falling apart. It’s very stressful and I keep wondering if the workmen are “at it” as they know I’m on my own! I’m sure they’re not, I’m just being ridiculous. You asked William if he’s getting out much. We’re all similar time frames. I’m not - other than with the dog - up and down dale and a couple of cinema trips. What are you managing? Cx
Hello Cristal,
Good luck with the kitchen installation. I’m sure they are honest tradesman. I’m getting out a bit more, I too have a dog. She is 16 weeks old, a German Shepard. So I have to walk her. I struggle most days to cope, but I am having ok days. It feels awful to say that. I just don’t want to be ok really. This is such a confusing time.
How are you doing ?
Lesley x
Yes I make myself do things and try and get out as much as possible. A few Christmas’s ago Margaret had gotten me an electric guitar as I love my rock music and she was always on at me to learn so I’ve started lessons which I enjoy. It’s a little step but as you say you sometimes feel guilty and coming home after learning a new song and there’s no one to share it with can be heartbreaking.
I just try and get through for the kids and little granddaughter who by the way is sleeping in her cot beside me as I am minding her tonight. Very bittersweet as I know how much Margaret would love to be here with her.
All we can do is try and live the best we can and hope there will be a glimmer of light somewhere in the future but im nowhere near that yet.
How are you managing are you doing things and getting out even for a walk I find walking the dog a great help and I talk to Margaret on my walks people must think I’m mad.
Take care
William
Ahh bless, that is a nice image. I expect it is bittersweet. Yes I have a new pup, Lottie, a German Shepard 16 weeks, so I’m out every day. I still cry a lot, and at those times Lottie comes and comforts me. She is lovely.
Hope little one sleeps through for you. How are the kids now ?
Lesley X
It’s very hard for me to judge. Curtis seems to be coping a little better I think little Ella keeps him busy. Darren lives with his girl and her mum so I’m hoping he’s getting support there and Louise still doesn’t like to talk about it. Louise is still living wth me but her new house will be ready to move into at the end of March so I’ll have to be careful then as that will be me totally alone for the first time ever. How’s your family coping with things.
William
We are getting through. The kids seem to cope for the most time, but it doesn’t take much to knock them back. It’s just under the surface, I wish I could make it better for them. I hate seeing them hurting.
Lesley
Morning Lesley
Sorry for not getting back as had to sort out Ella who had bit of a diva fit. She’s back with mum and dad this morning as I had to go to work.
It’s trying to find a balance with the kids I try and talk to them about all our feelings while trying not to over burden them.
It’s almost 8 months and most people don’t want to know anymore which makes it more lonely and isolating.
Take care
William
That’s ok, she’s allowed to be a deva, she’s a girl !
I know what you mean about people not really wanting to know, it’s been 8 months for me, and it’s just as raw now as it was at the beginning. Though I could talk for hours and hours about Rich. I suppose there’s a limit to what others want to hear. At some point they must want to say “change the subject” but he was my life, and still is.
How are things with you ? On a going forward theme ? I ask because I don’t see a way of going forward myself, I know I will but I am fighting it all the way.
Lesley x
Hi
At the moment I feel I’m like you standing still. Maybe that’s ok as I can’t see a life going forward without Margaret it’s just to painful. My councillor thinks I’m starting to move a little I think she was worried that I might through a rope up if only it was that easy. Not a great day at work people booking holidays just makes me Feel very down. Margaret took Ill at a Bryan Adams concert and he is playing Belfast next week so that is throwing my emotions all over the place his songs are on radio advertising the show constantly.
I’m still getting up and going to bed so that’s something.
Well back to work hope you have a bit better Sunday evening I finish at 8 so will check back later.
Take care
William x
Ok, have a good evening at work. I will be here for a chatter later if you like ?
Lesley x
Hello Yorkshire Lad. A bit late coming on line today been busy. Yes, you are quite right I do push myself to the limit. When we retired Brian said I was hard work as I couldn’t keep still. He couldn’t understand why I had to be doing things all the time. So we had to compromise. While he shut himself away painting or on the computer sorting through his photographs I took myself off to the gym or allotments. I still do everything we used to do together except that he isn’t with me physically or on the end of the phone. Yet like you all, I feel so alone, yet no matter how many people was with me I would feel no different as the one person I want isn’t there. I don’t mind my own company at the moment. I can be emotional as and when I want to. I struggle every day though. .
Hi Christine. I lost my partner last May. I dropped him of for a minor keyhole procedure and he had a major stroke. Whilst He had some health problems it came as a complete shock! We had been together for 54 years and I couldn’t remember life without him in it. Whilst I have a great family with daughters and grandchildren its not the same and you still have to shut the door at night on your own. I did what everyone says not to. moved house! A complete nightmare but am now in a Retirement Village and am trying to build a new life. I seem to be continuing “killing” time and did realise after a while that I was in denial thinking if I was good and brave he would come back. Fortunately I am an extravert so can make friends fairly easy but not being able to share the simplest of things with Brian is so hard and I wonder if it will ever get easy. Everyone says how proud they are of me and how brave I am. They haven’t got a clue!!