Loneliness, and the future !

thankyou,Corinna xx

Hi Cristal,
Really sad to read your post, as it could have been me righting it. I know what you mean about going back to work, I know I should go back but it feels like going back to normal life and thatā€™s not ever happening. It feels like my husband is in the past, Iā€™m not ready for that. Itā€™s been 7 months now, we were together for 40 years and married for 30 years, how is life ever going to be normal again. I too have children to look after, 3, 25 and 22 twins girls. Iā€™m still in a fog, and canā€™t find a way through. Itā€™s like being a member of a club that I didnā€™t ask to join. How do we get through ?
Iā€™m here, up most of the night if you fancy a chat ?

BW Lesley

can hardly write through my tears,so many of us feeling the same way,Indeed,how do we get through?Roy and i were together 30 years and had such a wonderfull life together,he has been gone seven and a half months now and life is now so black,like the joy has gone out of everything.I have gone back to work and i do have a great job and good support but i think i am becoming a bit too good at hiding what i am really feeling inside,just going through the motions like a zombie,so worried that some people will think iā€™m ok,and iā€™m really not.It is also totally draining being around ā€˜normalā€™ people,i am so exhausted all the time,and you still have to function and do your other thing,looking after children animals etc.I am a vet nurse so lucky that i spend a lot of time with patients who are not 'trying to say the right thingā€™and usually getting it badly wrong,and i have to say you canā€™t beat a bit of kitten therapy!I am knew to this sight so thankyou all for your words,not sure how we will do it but we have each other.Thinking of you all,Corinna xx

Ray, I cannot begin to imagine how much that loss hurts. Iā€™m so sorry it happened to you. The loneliness isnā€™t something I can relate to but the pain is definitely something I can. My beloved grandma passed away a week after my 20th birthday last year, her husband (my grandad) 3 weeks later. Two months later my cousin contracted sepsis and passed. The weeks after that my hamster passed and I couldnā€™t cope at all. Then a few months after that my other grandad. It has been a really tough year and Iā€™m really struggling today with it all. The whole new year, better times thing isnā€™t jelling with me right now. The pain that comes after a single thought of my grandma is unbearable. But you have to breathe through it and remember the precious times you had with them. Helena

Dear All, donā€™t know the answer to ā€œ how will we get through this?ā€ But I do know that we will. We will all have our own wee coping strategies, Iā€™ve listed my top 3 somewhere on this site ( I jump threads!) also I think itā€™s impirtant to set one tiny target for the day and achieve it. This gives me a sense of being in control, being out of control is what I find really difficult in all of this. Today my target was to contact the painter to see about getting a quote for my kitchen being decorated. Not much but Iā€™ve achieved it!
Iā€™m also going to dip into a couple of books recommended by folks on this site. Iā€™ve downloaded Iā€™m grieving as fast as I can- for young widows/widowers. Looking forward to any type of help to get me though this misery. :-/

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Hi Corinna,
What you write is just so how I feel, its only been five weeks since my Jackies death and 10 days since her funeral.
I went back to work today, after doing the school run, I then picked the kids up from school cooked them tea and ironed the school uniforms for tomorrow.
All done in a sort of blur, and me thinking, well this is it now, this is the pattern for my life from now on, my kids are in their rooms, and I sit in the lounge desperately missing my beautiful wife.
I am hoping so badly that the pain will ease in time, donā€™t want to feel like this for months and months.
I wish you the joy back in your life, but guess it is hard to see light at the end of the tunnel.
Some of the threads on hear show people are so down and depressed even a year or so after the death of a loved one, I feel as if I am existing but not living .

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Ray, so sorry to hear of Jackieā€™s passing. Life does indeed go on but I can tell you something, the pain you feel at first fades bit by bit, day by day and even though a year on you still feel sadness itā€™s nothing compared to what it was. Smile through the pain the memories stir and remember them for who they were. Sending so much support. Helena

Itā€™s tough isnā€™t it,really really tough,Iā€™ve been to see my cruse counsellor today,much needed after Christmas and three weeks trying to fend for myself.Might you consider counselling?I realise it cannot change anything but it helps me understand why I feel like I feel and that it is 'normalā€™in this abnormal life we now live in.It is also an hour when you can just be yourself and not pretend,I donā€™t have kids but dogs cats and ponies!Just finished sorting them all out,been off today but working tomorrow.Exhausted and emotional now,time for a huge glass of wine!Thinking of you,Corinna

Thank you Helena, Your message came just at the right moment, I am just reading the letter she wrote me before her death, its heart breaking.
But your message has given me some hope for the future.

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Thanks, I have counselling in a week, and have already had a Skype session with a Sue Ryder counsellor. It helped to clear my mind a little, I have two dogs, six chickens, a cat and two children, so daily tasks to perform like you,
I just hope this black feeling does not last for months, I am normally a confident outgoing guy, but I think on reflection that is because I had such a strong ā€˜anchorā€™ in my life you know what I mean ā€™ someone to come home toā€™ its a huge adjustment isnā€™t it! I think of it like a ā€˜tsunamiā€™ washing over me. I think a large G &T for me .

Itā€™s a huge adjustment ,our lives have been turned upside down so no wonder we feel like we do,enjoy your G&T(that was my Royā€™s favourite,I even smuggled him one into hospital in a water bottle the day before he died!)Take care

I am so grateful for your reply and the fact that my message helped you is overwhelming. Thankyou, there is always hope.

Sorry if I am hijacking this post. Why is it that when something horrible happens then life just has a habit of kicking you when you are down? As per my previous post, I lost the love of my life on 2 November 2018. So i decided to go back to work in March to try and get some structure and focus back in my life if nothing else. Then I get a phone call to attend a meeting at work only to be told my role is being made redundant. I think the worse thing for me was not being able to come back to the house and speak to my hubby about this. Life really sucks at times.

Dear Junebug . Thatā€™s just awful ā€¦
words fail me
Talk about kicking someone when they are down
Romy xxxxx

Hello Ray, how are things? I lost my husband on 27th February last year after 28 years of marriage, so itā€™s been almost a year for me. At first life was a huge struggle, but gradually I managed to establish new routines and take up new interests. I think that one of the most important things to remember is that the loss does become easier to bear. Some people will be unintentionally insensitive, some will be incredibly kind and compassionate. But whatever happens, always remember to be self compassionate and factor some ā€˜me timeā€™ into your life. Bereavement is a very lonely experience and the journey through your grief will be long and difficult, although your loss will become easier to bear. Take care, and keep posting. Jayne x

Hi, and sorry for your loss. Your post stood out to me as I know exactly what you mean about the physical pain, it really hurts.I lost my beautiful son age 25 on the 14th of Jan. Iā€™m struggling beyond belief and miss him so much.Iā€™ve had an ache in my heart that never subsides. Tracey x

Dear Allā€¦ I am new and I would like to say very sorry for your loss. I too lost my dearest husband on the 21st November after 20 days of being told he had secondary cancer and he was in hospital only 7 days. we were not expecting this as we thought there was some kind of ā€œhopeā€ā€¦ I miss his terribly, my whole world is gone. we were married for 30 years, he was just 60!. Unfortunately we didnā€™t have children but we dedicated our lives to support anyone that needed us. for us, we started at home. So have a lovely family supporting me now, but nothing absolutely nothing make my pain, loneliness go away. I cannot still accept that he is gone and miss him terribly. Wake up in the morning believing it was a bad dream. when I see his photos I think he was a dream. life is so cruel I would just like to hear that he is ok. such a lovely and gentle man. Gone when we both were just retiring and beginning to think we were going to have time to do things without the restrictions of work leave. Very sorry you are in such a pain. I do understand so well. I wish we had a child to see his life through him/her. it was not happen. feel so so lonely.
De

Dear De . I feel your pain . I lost my lovely husband also 60 very suddenly and unexpectedly at the end of July
It is a hard journey getting through everyday without him but the people on here are lovely and so supportive
We have three daughters aged between 21 and 30 and they have been a comfort to me along with their boyfriends and my mum and some really supportive friends of mine and my husbandā€™s
Iā€™m glad you have a lovely family offering you support and love . I know itā€™s not the same as having our husbands around and for you not the same as having children but some friends can be even closer than family . My in laws have been pretty rubbish and downright aggressive towards me and my girls on some occasions since my husband died
Sending you a big hug and the strength to keep going
Romy xxxxx

Hi De,welcome but so sorry you have to join us.Words cannot describe can they,the intense pain,and bleakness that we are in.The people here are so kind and compassionate,and there is a strange comfort in knowing we all feel the same.Much love to you and everyone,Corinna xx

Hi Romy, Roy and Corinna. thank you so so much for replying so soon. it has and will be a very difficult journey that I am not sure I feel strong enough to go through. My family is very small. my two older sisters live abroad but one came to keep me company for three months and leaving soon (immigration restrictions)ā€¦. I am scared of more loneliness when she goes. but have 2 nieces and one nephew that live in the UK and are trying their best, although have their own lives and responsibilities. So I feel many times like an orphan and abandoned by the circumstances.
My in laws have been good but they too have their own families to look after. From mum uncles and brothers my darling husband was the youngest! his mum/uncle/ auntie are in their 92 and 98. Can you believe it?
I am all so confused, I keep asking why why why. my faith tells me he is gone to eternal life. I just want to know he is ok, that he has forgiven me if I ever hurt him if I I could have make his last days better, if I could have done something else. We were so much there for each-other. I feel i failed him badly. i don care if he comes again and forgets where to put the crockery, if he doesnā€™t shut the drawers, if the tap is running, if the cushions are on the floor i just want a few more minutes with him to tell him how much i love him, how much i miss him, how essential he is in my life to keep living, how much a long for a big cuddle and how much i miss his lovely smile. I fear always the next minute, the next hour, the next day. My heart turns when i realise he is not with me!.

Dear Romy very sorry that your in laws support is not there, but glad you got your girls
.
Love to all. ( I was so looking forward to hear from anyone. first time for me to do things on line)!..xxx