Desr Romi
Thsnk you for taking time to reply with your busy schedule and stresfull situation. It is trully appreciated.
Its your and your daughters birthday so wish you both a peaceful day and as happy as you can manage with family and friends. May be a difficult day but you are strong and you are not alone.
Big hug
De xx
Hello Romy,
āHappy birthdayā I hope you and your daughter manage to have a nice day. I know it wonāt be easy though. Sending you both my warmest wishes.
Lesley x
Hi Romy hope you and your daughter managed to get through the day and by 9pm tonight you can relax and get that Proseco.
I donāt know about you going to counselling I think you should book him in somewhere. I donāt know either how I would deal with him, probably I would either blow or say nowt, smile sweetly and do my own thing anyway. Difficult days that you donāt need.
Anyway enjoy whatās left of your birthday with the people who do care, pointless wasting energy or thoughts on Mr Grumpy. You donāt need him.
Hugs Jx
Hello Ray p.
I really feel for your loss because I lost my husband in October last year to lung cancer. He was 63 and Iām 58!!!
I keep panicking because I now have to run this home alone plus pay the bills plus go out to work 8hours a day, itās just horrific all the sorting out every thing you have to do.
I just feel numb most days I donāt even know whatās making me get out of bed in the morning because thereās nothing to look forward to no more! Just exciting at the moment getting through every day best I can ! I went back to work 4 weeks ago because staying in the house alone was driving me nuts.
When my husband was ill we had loads of people coming round.
Carers 4 times a day. Dr nearly every day.
District nurse.
Community matron.
Social worker!
But as soon as my husband passed away every one stopped coming! I was in this house 2 weeks no one called! And the phone never rang once to see how I was coping!!!
Unbelievable to think weāre forgotten about when we have been the ones caring for our husband/ wife and now we donāt matter no more.
Yes the pain is unbearable at times this is the hardest thing I have gone through and after being at work with all my friends and then I come home to an empty house no one to talk to or to share my day with is what I find the hardest.
Probably the same as you all our plans were cancelled last year as hubby to ill to do anything it was just heart breaking.
I donāt know what the future holds to be honest all I can say is get out every day and keep your self busy! I have taken up running again after 30 years itās a good stress reliever.
Wishing you all the best for the future whatever you decide to do.
I have a Son who is 34 in the armed forces so I am completely alone as donāt get to see him much.
Sending you lots of love and hugs you can do this!!! There is light at the end of the tunnel but itās a very long tunnel we are going through and the end isnt in sight for a while! But we will come out thee other end one day to brighter days than we are having now!!!
I have to believe this to keep myself going other wise what is the point in life at all. Xxxxxx
You are fabulous June
Having Indian takeaway next with my mum , my girls and their boys
Today hasnāt been too bad considering
Itās a bit of a slog to keep upbeat but we are all doing our bit to make it as ok as possible
Love Romy xxxxx
I lost my dad they say time is a Healer but itās not to me I feel like Iām in a black hole no light just darkness I feel so alone I have a big family but still feel so alone I was there I feel Guilty I told him it was ok to sleep it was ok to go he never woke up I have to live with that everyday
Hi Christinaosul
You have nothing to feel guilty about, if your dad was very ill it would have happened anyway, but you gave him permission to let go. You say you were there, but it could have happened when you left the room.
My dad was ill and in hospital but we were told he was stable. We had just got home whe we got the call that he had passed, we would have stayed. Mum was upset because he died on his own. So when my mum was ill the only thing she said was that when her time came she didnāt want to be alone. Her last words to me were āK sera sera what will be will beā(.spelling,) , I was there when my husband died on the cruise ship, and Iām glad I was ever though was traumatic. We were there for them at end of their lives and thatās all we can do.
Grief is lonely place, sometimes we accept the situation because we have no choice, other times itās hard to understand and our minds and emotions are all over the place, itās like a rollercoaster and its like you say a black hole.
Keep posting on here as we all understand what you are going through and everyone has been where you are and there is a lot of support if you want to have a rant
Hope you get some sleep
Jx
Ray I know how you feel, my children are older than yours and I live alone. Iām only 57 and looking forwards is really bleak. But what can we do, we have to look after the kids and crack on. So sorry. Itās so tough x
This question of guilt arises so often. I left my wife in the care home an hour before she died. Should I have been there? How was I to know it was near the end? But guilt is such a corrosive thing. It can eat at you and make things worse. None of us act out of unkindness. We do what we think right at the time. Looking back, well, maybe we could have done better, but hindsight is all very well. If we truly Love then Love and forgiveness go hand in hand. THEY would have forgiven us long ago, but we still hang on to guilt, or some of us do. If we act out of Love then we can do no wrong because true Love is all pervading and unconditional. The thing with me is that I want some sign, some indication that my wife is OK wherever she is. I pray often and talk to her, but it still leaves me empty when I get no reply. People tell me ātime and patienceā but they are not going through it. My wife wanted a burial so she was buried in a church close by. I visit the grave sometimes but am left feeling numb as if there is no feeling left. It would be so easy to just give up and sit around, but I try to get out as much as possible. I have no immediate family but, as I live in a community, I have many helpful friends. I would say yes, loneliness is the biggest problem. People have their own lives to lead and canāt be with me all the time, neither would I expect it. But when I open the front door and come in the silence and emptiness really hit me. Blessings to everyone on this lovely site, and my grateful thanks to the organisers. Blessings to all.
Hi
Totally agree I also refuse to just sit about I try and go out as much as possible. The feeling when you return to a lonely empty home is horrendous and at times completely unbearable. Only when it happens to you do you understand no one else gets it
William
Hi
Likewise i pray and hope to have a sign that my husband is ok wherever he is. So i hope we get that one day soon.
Take care
My husband of 53 years passed away 21sr of August last year , l canāt believe I have got through six whole months without seeing him ,talking to him and all the other little mundaying things we did together , itās those ordinary little things I miss the most . I have had such a bad week just when I thought I was beginning to muddle through each day , that incredible deep sadness is unbearable .
I know exactly what you mean when you say itās like a bad dream that you canāt wake up from, you have such a lot to cope with I do hope you get support from the childrenās grand parents.
This is the thing, itās been a few months now. Before this I hadnāt gone a day even 2 hours without talking to Denise. This is really doing me in. Every night Iām dreaming that she is here and Iām telling her it was a mistake, that sheās OK. Iām trying but how. Much more I can take I donāt know. The pain is as much now as it was. Whatās the point in prolonging whatās going to happen eventually anyway x
HI Shirley I know exactly how you feel I dont think we will ever get through without those horrific moments, but we know we have to go forward . I wonder how many people are going through what we are going through but donāt go on this sort of forum and donāt talk to anyone,it must be terrible. Another day tomorrow and another day you have survived ā¦hugs Jx
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I have only recently picked up courage to join this forum and it has very much brought home the fact that I am just one of millions , I just wish that I could say that helps but I can honestly say it doesnāt .
Stevie, letās play reverse roles. If you had gone and your beautiful wife was left alone as you are what would you wish for her?
Would you wish constant pain and misery. Would you wish her to give up her life. Would you wish her to cry every single day. Would you wish her to think the way youāre thinkingā¦or, would you wish her to carry you in her heart and soul every minute of the day, think of you often and cry sometimes but, mostly smile. Would you wish her to miss you but not at the detriment of giving up on her life, would you wish her to continue to love you and speak to you often whilst at the same getting on with her dayā¦what would you wish? Reverse roles rememberā¦!
Now youāve answered that question and, I bet it didnāt take you long, why would your wife not want the same for you?
You owe it to her firstly, and then, you owe it to yourself to try your very best to live that life. She loves you Stevie. She wants the best for you in death just as Iām sure she always, always did in life. Make her hopes and wishes come true and, whatās the betting sheāll be right there waiting for you when itās naturally your time, and not before.
Please know I write these words with tears running down my face and an ache in my heart that Iāve accepted already will never go away. Not ever. But as Godās my judge I will make my husband proud of my efforts if nothing else. Not quite worked out how Iāll manage it yet but, I sure as hell will and Iām pretty sure his will continue to be the hand on my back, just as it always was. Please God xxx
Well done you. That was very well put and just as I keep telling myself, it all makes perfect sense. You sound like youāve got the will and determination to make it happen, whatever it may be in your case. I hope you can keep telling yourself all that or maybe just write it out as a statement of intent.
I often write in tears on here. Itās just how it is. Who are we really writing for.
If youād finished your last sentence with a question mark YorkshireLad Iād say thatās a million dollar question. In this case, itās a million dollar statement! I thought the same, several times. Maybe I just wrote my statement of intentā¦?! In the hope it will also psyche Stevie up at the same time. Double whammy. Perhaps?!
God really does work in mysterious ways, in my opinion.
We should take over a Shearings hotel up in the Lake District every 6 months, the lot of us. Kick, scream, chat, laugh and cry. Then go for a walk, followed by coffee and cake. And thenā¦repeat the day after.
Have a word whilst youāre there. See if they can do a block booking for the Sue Ryder forum friends. United in grief, and all that. Get us a decent deal. Youāre YorkshireLad. If anyone can, itās you!!!
How well put cw13. I read it with tears running down my face. If I can keep those sentiments going in my head it may help. My son would want all those things for me. I want him to be proud of me.
I was just thinking of my relationship with the hotel. Iām booked in for 3 nights in March and then thatās it. Itās served itās purpose and Iām not sure I will ever come back. Iāve a lot of recent memories now of staying here. This stage is coming to an end and the next one may reveal itself and beckon. I think Iāve learned a lot from this stage and itās time to build on that. To live Forward. The Lakes will still have the same pull but as the days lengthen they will have strong competition from a lot of other places.
A week today Iām setting off for deepest Surrey for the wedding of one of my daughters. Now that is a challenge at the best of times, but this time Iām absolutely dreading it, despite being surrounded by the 15 people that mean so much to me. Iām not sure exactly what Iām dreading but Iām just avoiding developing that theme.