One of my wife’s favourite songs was “You’re my best friend” by Don Williams. It says it all. I know all the words but can’t listen to it yet.
Mark wasn’t really into country music but he liked that one
XXXXX
Hi
Believe it or not I also know all the words to that song.
When I was young my father got his first car that came with an old 8 track stereo and a don williams cassette he played it non stop it still gets me when I here it and think of him he passed 2 years ago.
Margaret’s sister died of a brain haemorrhage at 34 her dad died 7 years ago my mum died 6 years ago my dad died 2 years ago and then Margaret last July a complete nightmare.
William
The first line: You put gold on my finger…
At our ‘wedding disco’ in 1979, they played for us, Freda Payne’s, Band of Gold,
Now that you’re gone
All that’s left is a band of gold
All that’s left of the dreams I hold
Is a band of gold
Seems more apt 40 years later…happy anniversary wherever you are, x
Band of gold. One of those enduring songs. It seems like yesterday. I’m sat in the waiting room on Skipton Station and I need to put Band of Gold out of my head quickly as train due in 5 minutes.
I know she made other singles but they were obviously forgettable.
Hi Romy
I sometimes think the only way forward is not to think. It’s not long for you and because you had no warning it’s a shock because it’s the unthinkable, and let’s be honest we never think too much about our mortality until we have to otherwise we would be nervous wrecks, but even I can’t believe that my husband has gone and yet I knew he would only get worse and I would end up where I am now. I can understand how tense you can be about the future because you were well and truly side winded and didn’t see it coming.
Years ago my husbands Grandma died and at the funeral his Grandad was quite cheerful. He told me that he was enjoying himself because he wouldn’t be there at his funeral and that he would be joining her soon. Two weeks later we had a call that his bungalow had caught fire and he had died. Not sure whether he had a heart attack and dropped his cigarette or dropped the cigarette and the shock of the fire caused the heart attack. But he said he wouldn’t be living without her only existing.
What I mean is that I want to live not just exist, at the moment we are all grieving and in limbo and could do with some sort of survival map and a book of instructions how to be happy. I get fed up doing things on my own .Yes for me when I see the family things feel normal for a while, but then on the other days unless I go out I don’t speak to anyone, but I don’t want to join “clubs” so I’ve got to sort myself out. Head like a bag of spanners
I wish I had a remedy for us all, but there are some on here who seem to be coming out of the clouds and I’m really pleased for them.
Have a good evening after all your chores .hugs Jx
I think you put that really well in that you clearly identified the problem, or should that be the obstacles, and also what you want, as opposed to what you don’t want.
That’s pretty much how I feel. You are right about thinking but we can’t not think. It’s what we are and what we do. I think it’s more about overthinking, not letting our internal chatter run away with us. I try hard to not do that but it’s a constant battle. I’m sure that’s going to be the key to things.
The second dilemma you identified which I picked up on is how to speak to people without some drastic intervention. There was an interesting article in the Yorkshire Post on Saturday about their loneliness campaign and I realised that it could be even worse to be trapped by mobility. Esther Rantzen was a contributor and she wrote about Silver line and befriending services. For a few months my daughter did some befriending with young adults.
I’ve come from home via bus and train to a hotel in Windermere and spoken to three people all day. I will go down to dinner soon and may have conversation with the waiting staff. I could change that and just start conversation with anyone I see but I know I won’t. Clubs and groups have been invaluable for me, particularly those that promote discussion, but it still takes effort.
It all takes effort. Maybe thinking doesn’t. It’s our default option.
Dear Romy.
I know how you feel. Its too soon and we will feel like for a while. I know we can see it. The pain, loneliness will be there but hope we will be find the way ti manage it.
So painful to see our husbands leaving that way so young . (Too soon to fast) no time to think or react. Not fair at all, My darling was just 60 and 4 months.
Just 3 months ago he was alive. He was Healthy (we thought)… didn’t smoke or drink, lots of cycling, hill walking, gardening, did tai chi, healthy food. I though he would be like his parents . Dad 92 when he passed away 4 years ago and mum 98 still dou8ng everything’s for herself .not a single outside help.
Whats was there to worry?
Today i have just gone almost every hour on the hour on what we did back on the 12th of november… my eyes are sored and running out of tears.
What a position we are in. Our lives are too exposed to feeling we never knew existed in such depth, we are doing things we didnt know we would ever do, we are talking to people we never met (in a nice way) about our most deep feelings and talking about the very own and only person that knew us inside out. It bounds to be so confusing to our system. Nothing makes sense , but i hope it makes sense what i am trying to say. Particularly in a day when i feel vunerable, sad and confused.
Dear Romy i hope you find some peace for tomorrow for you and your daughter.
Will be thinking of you.
De xx
My Husband was a Country and Western singer for thirty years. Don Williams was one of his favourites He sang “your my best friend” and I very nearly played it at his funeral, however I decided to have “Some broken hearts never mend” instead. I had a CD of him singing with the band and he sang at his own funeral. The photo we had was one of him at a charity do and he has his guitar and hat on and looks so great with a big grin on his face. The photo is on the coffee table now, so he’s always smiling at me.
When I met him we was just friends at first, I had no idea he was in a band until I went to a do and he was on the stage. He was a very quiet man and I couldn’t understand what on earth he was going to do. I wasn’t really a country and western fan until then and I soon became one and our friendship moved on and we was married nine months later. I have just got all his guitars ready for someone to come and look at and I’m finding it heartbreaking.
That’s a lovely personal touch for a funeral. It’s a great song but so is the one you chose. I chose “Always on my mind” and it had to be Elvis for my wife. For me it would have been Willie Nelson.
I remember selling my guitars about 30 years ago. Soon got over it. I always fancied being a saxophonist like Andy Mckay in Roxy Music but couldn’t master it so that went as well. Maybe you need to keep them a bit longer…what is the rush.
Dear Lesley
Hope you are doing best you can, and not ad i am these days. Its awful to wake up in the mornings and see another empty and lonely day ahead. I am aching all of the time that feeling doesnt go away even for a second like a frightening feeling.
When meeting people i seem to hear them but not listening to them. I hope i am not saying no when it should be yes.
Keep strong and keep writing look forward to hearing how are you doing.
De xx
Your probably right but I don’t have that big a house and don’t really want them to spend their life in the loft. I also found a sort of big banjo, that’s how I have to describe it as I don’t know it’s proper name and two beautiful accordion’s which are still in their boxes. Might end up sending them to an auction as I know nothing about these items. All so sad but I like to see things used not put away to gather dust, seems a waste of such nice equipment.
Dear De,
That aching feeling, and the sudden frightening feeling never leaves me. I’m just getting better at distracting myself. The dread of going to bed still haunts me, because I know when I wake up I have to deal with the reality. I stay away from get-to-together, because I constantly compare my life to other people’s life, everyone seems to be so happy !
I don’t like the new normal, but I don’t have a choice. Somehow we have to find a way forward. I just don’t know how ! We can support each other, we are the only ones who know how it feels to have our worlds ripped apart !
Lesley xx
Dear June
Thank you for taking the time to message me . Today has been draining . Stuff happening in work about boundaries and the forecourt being refurbished and my father in law telling me what he thinks of me . He takes his anger out on me for what he sees as the natural order of things …him being predeceased by my husband …being thrown up into the air and me being made the majority shareholder . He is so arrogant . Tried not to get wound up in response but it is very hurtful . He has no compassion
It’s mine and my youngest daughters birthday tomorrow too , then Valentine’s Day and then a meeting with him and the accountants.
Wish me luck . I’m going to need it to get through the next few days
Sending love
Romy xxxxx
I know De . I am having to deal with stuff I never thought I would have to and with people who are showing their true colours in a bad way
There are of course people who have shown themselves to be loving and loyal and thank goodness for that
Like you said we are also talking and sharing our innermost feelings on here with people we have never met and I am truly grateful for the support you have all given me . Don’t know what I would do without it . It gives me a lot of comfort
I do sometimes worry though that I am spilling my guts out on here and that there are probably lots of people reading about my feelings and my life but not contributing anything themselves . Perhaps I am just being a bit paranoid today because I have had a stressful time with one of my in laws
Anyway I am pretty much an open book these days .
I have no filter . I have had to toughen up because I have had no choice and what you see is what you get with me . Some people like that , some people don’t . And to be honest I don’t really care any more !
What you have said to makes perfect sense to me . It is such a struggle to keep going when you feel vulnerable and sad . I don’t think some people appreciate the effort we are making to try to carry on as normally as possible .
You are a lovely person and I hope we all have a better day tomorrow
Sending hugs
Romy xxxxx
Hi Romy
I say all good thoughts for you on your birthday, whether it will be happy will be debatable with the Ogre around. From where I’m sitting I almost wonder if he’s breaking up but maybe he’s always been difficult and nasty, anyway you are strong and you will,rise above it or your birthday cake might end up,wrapped round his neck, now that’s a thought, hope it’s a chocolate one with a lot of runny cream.
Hope all goes well anyway, do you have to,work with him every day? Must be draining, at these times he should be glad of you still,being in the business and doing your bit because he must be getting on in years. Best of luck, try to enjoy something about your birthday even if it’s only a glass of wine when you get home.
Hugs Jx
Hi thanks for you observations. Enjoy your time in the Lake District, we loved to go there as well but you are braver than me. For the moment I would find it difficult to go there on my own. Ilkley was a favorite place and we have been to the Cow and Calf many many times for a meal, both with family, friends and just us. Fantastic in the summer and amazing in the winter when the wind is howling as it’s so cosy in there… Just have to watch out for the straying sheep.
Hope the weather is kind to you over the next couple of days
Jx
He’s always been a difficult man June but since Mark died he has taken it to a new level . I don’t go looking for conflict . I was told to ring him today and he had a list of stuff he wanted to say to me ! I try to spend as little time as possible with him in work cos it usually ends in tears ! I think he is psyching himself up this week for s mertjng with me and my daughter and the accountant . I feel like something is brewing . He is very old . Nothing wrong with that . Good on him that he still can but his attitude towards people on occasions leaves a lot to be desired . He is rude and used to having his own way and that’s when we clash because I won’t allow him to treat people badly and when I intervene he turns on me
Anyway tomorrow is another day . Actually it is tomorrow now , Happy birthday to me …what my husband would make of all this I really don’t know . Miss him so much and no choice other then to soldier on or curl up in a corner and give up . Never going to do that . He wouldn’t want me to .
Sending hugs . Will drink some Prosecco tomorrow night I’m sure
Lots of love
Romy xxxxx
Morning Romy, whatever is lined up for you today, your birthday, I send both strength and kind wishes, to get you through. Thinking of you, x
Thank you Rainbow . You really are like one of my good friends now with your wise words and kind thoughts
I will do my best today especially cos it’s my youngest daughter’s birthday too
We will help each other get through it and hopefully enjoy bits of it with the help of my two other daughters , their boys , my mum and all our friends
Thank you again . It means a lot
Romy xxxxx