Loneliness in grief

Coping with bereavement
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Interesting video by Sarah Bell about various aspects of loneliness in grief. Worth a watch.

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Thank you for this Wilson, I cried all the way through. Everything she says is correct, society has a long way to go when it comes to grief and bereavement.

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I totally agree with everything that is said. My mam passed away two weeks ago today, at home, undergoing palliative care. She was 82 years old. I am 60 years old. We have lived together for 60 years. Always together. In the last 3 years, mam was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. I helped mam every day from getting up to going to bed, with every day tasks. We had a special bond and now my world has fallen apart. Even after two weeks, most people, and there weren’t that many, are just carrying on. They don’t seem to care, understand or appreciate the utter desolation that I am feeling.

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Thanks for sharing its so true xx

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Dear Stephen being a carer is all consuming and exhausting, I’m sorry you lost your mum this way. I cared for my mum until her last moment then dad until his final couple of weeks. You must be shattered, I know I was.

It’s time now for you to make a new life, it’s awfully hard I know. Not just yet, you need time to recover but one day think maybe about volunteering (it sounds like you have lots of experience in care) or joining some groups. The bereavement group I go too is lovely. If you can’t find something local online contact your GP, they should have a social subscriber who can point you in the right direction.

Take care, Helen x

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Thank you Helen for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it. I would like to join a bereavement group. I think, as you said, it would really help. I might ask my GP, via the triage form they use now, whether there are any in my area. I think volunteering is a good idea too. I know it is a bit early for me yet, but I will definitely have a look round. I was just sat feeling very down and your reply has lifted my spirits a little. All my best wishes to you.

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Some groups are run by local hospices which you can self refer to.

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Thank you. I will have a look for my local area. Best wishes. Stephen

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Here if you need to talk.

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Thank you very much for your kindness. I really appreciate it very much. Best wishes. Stephen

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Good morning. Another long day alone in the house. I do continue to do all the jobs I did when mam was alive to occupy some of my time. It is that I see and hear mam in everything I do. It starts with breakfast for one instead of two. After this I used to do mam’s tablets and then get her washed and dressed and back in her chair. Once I had got myself sorted, we used to have a coffee. And so it goes until bedtime. I truly enjoyed looking after mam. It wasn’t a bore or a chore, it was me and mam living our lives together. She was such a beautiful person. Always smiling. Despite health issues, I never heard her complain. I miss her calling my name. Tomorrow, I am going to see mam at the chapel of rest. The thing is, once I get in to see her, I won’t want to leave her. When she was in hospital for nearly three weeks and I was with her all day and into the evening, when it came time to leave, I didnt want to leave her. I used to kiss her goodnight and go out of the room and then I had to go back in and eventually after mam had waved, I went home. However, I couldn’t wait until the next morning to get back to see her. I virtually ran into the hospital, got on the lift and went as quickly as I could onto the ward and the room where mam was. I couldn’t relax until I saw her beautiful face and spoke with her.

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So sorry for your loss @Stephen65

It sounds as if you and your mam were very close. She was a big part of your life for 60 years so, it’s going to be difficult for you to adjust to a life without her.

You will still be in shock and probably running on auto pilot so, just try to take care of yourself. Eat sensibly, keep hydrated, sleep when you feel tired and exercise if you can. There will come a time when you look back on this moment and wonder how you got through it, but you will. There are tough times ahead but you are stronger than you think and you will get through it.

Feel free to message if you need support.

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Thank you very much for your support, kind words and reply. I really appreciate your advice and I know mam would want me to get through this, but as you say, it is very difficult at this time.

Her funeral is next week so I am at the chapel of rest tomorrow. It sounds funny, but I really want to see mam and I will, but the biggest concern for me will be when I have to leave. When she was in hospital and I was there 10, 11 hours a day, I never wanted to leave her overnight. I was always going back in and giving her another kiss and even after that I still went back in.

I want to thank you again for getting in contact and helping me. I don’t have anyone really, so I thoroughly appreciate it. Stephen

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Thanks for posting Stephen.

Seeing my wife at the chapel of rest and her coffin at the funeral were both very emotional for me and my daughters and I have no doubt that it will be the same for you and your mam.

Try to remember your mam is gone, but she’s not lost. She lives on in your heart, in your choices, in your courage. So, if you can find a way of carrying both your grief and your love for her, you will find you are never truly alone.

You’ll be in my thoughts in the difficult days ahead.

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Wilson9. Thank you very much for your reply. My heart goes out to you at the loss of your wife. Your grief and your daughters ‘ grief must be all consuming. Your advice is so welcome at this time and I will take your kind words and use my grief and my love of mam, to take me forward. It is so good of you to keep me in your thoughts these coming days. It is people like you who are giving me some hope in these dark times.

Kindest regards: Stephen