Yes, your world has changed in every way yet the world just carries on as normal. One does not know what to do with it all..I know. I am the same.
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Iām so sorry Stephen. Your brother, on the surface sounds very insensitive, but perhaps heās struggling with your mamās death too. Some men have difficulty expressing their emotions. Maybe he feels guilty about not visiting more often. Is there a bereavement group you could go to? Itās not for everyone but maybe talking to other bereaved people would help.
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Hi Stephen
Do you live anywhere near Leeds I have just been told about a bereavement gardening place which sounds good its only got a few members I am not sure myself about going as I cannot.get down to weed would never be able to get back up 
bieng honest but thought it might help you if you lived near it just a thought
Sweetlady
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Hi Norma 1
Thank you for replying. I have tried where I live and there arenāt any face to face bereavement groups. They do have one each in Doncaster, Barnsley and Rotherham, but they are attached to an hospice and you need a referral to join. I am starting the Marie Curie 6 sessions over 6 weeks over the phone in early June though. This is separate to the Marie Curie volunteers who I have spoken to about four times.
You could be right about my brother. He isnāt as open or as good at showing his emotions as I am. It is just his way I suppose. I know he loved mam very much, but it would be good to see more of him. He has never been one for saying I love you, whereas I am and would tell mam this several times a day and she always said it to me.
I truly appreciate your reply and thank you for your kind words and support.
Best wishes and kindest regards: Stephen
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Hi Sweetlady
It is so good of you to think of me. I live about 40 miles from Leeds, so a bit far. I did work in Northwest Leeds for 30 years before early retirement.
Plus i am not a gardening fan. Me and mam employ a gardener who comes once a fortnight. I could do it, but every time I get bitten by insects, I always end up with an infected bite. Last one four weeks ago meant two courses of antibiotics to clear it up.
Hope you are keeping as well as you can. I know it is difficult. I cry all the time. I was at the hospital today. I was stood outside looking up. One of the volunteers who works there came to have a chat. He mentioned the solar panels on the hospital roof. I told him in-between crying almost none stop, that I was looking up at a window on the 8th floor which was mamās room window when she was in hospital for nearly three weeks. I sat with mam every day for 12 hours a day occasionally looking out of the window.
God bless and all my best wishes. Stephen.
Hi Stephen
Thank you for your kind words I know what you mean about gardening i have a gardener as its to much for me and that is why I have not gone to the bereavement garden as I cannot get down to weed , you say you live about 40miles from leeds do you drive at all and if you do would you like to meet up for a coffee and a chat and now doubt a cry 
thatās only if you would like to it might cheer us both up you never know it is just a coffee and chat.
Sweetlady
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Hi Sweetlady.
Thank you for your kindness. It is something worth considering. Currently though, what with my hospital appointments and mamās interment coming up i donāt think I could make it quite yet but maybe in the next few months. Hope you have a good a day as you possibly can. I know I say that, but I know really given the loss of our loved ones, that is nearly impossible.
God bless and sending you all my best wishes. Stephen
Hi Stephen
Sorry to hear of your hospital appointments I did a lot of them.with paul and his stays in hospital if you ever feel you need a friend to go with you to them please feel free to ask i do drive and have my own car so it would be so easy then we could go.and have a.coffee afterwards if there is time of course I am also sorry to here about your mams interment anytime you need that shoulder to cry on I am here for you its so hard I know hugs 
Sarah
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Hello Sarah.
Thanks for your very kind offer. It is good of you. Years ago, when I was ill in my late teens early twenties, mam always was with me at the hospital.
As time went on and my health improved, I didnāt have appointments. When they started again I usually went straight from work. Now I work them into my day depending on their timing. I generally get taxis because parking is a problem
Once again thank you for your support. I appreciate it. Take care and all my best wishes. Stephen