Morning Jackie
You’re right about life being chapters. This being our final one. My husband and I spoke of how life would be when one of us was left alone, but nothing can ever prepare us for this loneliness. I’m sure you’re told to join groups, take up a new hobby etc. But It’s very difficult to motivate ones self to do this. I have recently adopted an older cat from a local cat protection charity. She is good company and gives me someone to look after and talk to. It’s been 15 months since I lost my husband, I had hoped that after the first anniversary life would become easier, how wrong I was !
Take care
Lucy
Lucy…
… i too lost my Richard last April at age 74 to a heart blockage…no nothing prepares us to the day of reality, even if we know this day will come at some point, whether it be us or our partner, this day will come, just when it does it hits us a like a rock…
Jackie…
Hi. Jackie. At the risk of repeating myself you are right again. ‘The book of life’. Chapter after chapter passes. We do have to be careful though because we can become impatient and jump to the last chapter rather than read it all. When we find ‘the butler did it’ after all, it can be disappointing. Life unfolds at it’s own pace. ‘The book of life’ has to read slowly.
“The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on. Not all thy piety or wit can remove one word of it”.
There’s not a thing we can do about the past. But the future is in our hands no matter what age we are.
The question of mediums came up again and I echo the words about being sure it’s genuine. Many have this insight into another world, and although it’s a wonderful gift there are many so called 'mediums. who exploit the suffering. We are so vulnerable at this time and will often accept things that we are told because they bring comfort. That’s fine as far as it goes, but the genuine experience is beyond just comfort. There is a ‘knowing’ which is difficult to explain. If a medium comes by recommendation check up on him/her. Be cautious but don’t give up on them all. There is so much we don’t know about a life beyond this one. My wife was very psychic but hardly ever talked about it. People who know little about mediumship tend to dismiss it out of hand.
Take care all. Love and Blessings.
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Dear Sheila,
Thank you for your reply, I am sorry that you are still coughing, I think you were very wise to make a futher appointment with your doctor. It is far easier to cancel than obtaing an appointment. I have a gardener coming on Thursday of this week, I loved gardening but obviously I cannot do it. Stan was the main gardener, he loved his garden, I should have realised that he wasn’t well when he hardly touched it last summer. Have you found that you thoughts run riot, when grieving,? mine do, I think all sorts of daft things. All being well, our daughter will be coming on Monday, she is bringing Polly back, she has been quite ill with this horrible virus which is inflicting it’s self on a lot of people. Do you think that you have had it too? I know that you are not well, far from it.
Take good care of yourself and do not do too much in the garden.
Love,
Mary x
p.s. Our son is coming next Thursday, all being well.
How I feel too. I try so hard. My husband died a year ago on 15th February, so nearly a year without him. I miss him so much. Love to you all.
Hello Sheila
You made a really good point regarding grieving about our earlier lives. I also think back to happy times when we were younger. It amazing how grief hits you hard on a particular day and then other days one can feel optimistic.
I remember that song, Teen- angel from the 60s. I’ve just listened to it again on YouTube .
I’ve just looked at your photo, what a lovely looking couple you are.
Take care
Lucy x
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Dear Sheila,
Thank you for your reply, one of the reasons I was admitted to the hospital was that I had a virus infection on my chest together with gastro-enteritis. Have you thought about contacting Age UK?, I think it used to be Age Concern, I did for recommendations for a gardener, they appear to have a list of reliable work men, they seem to have one for every trade. There is a telephone number on the internet. The road to L is paved with good intentions, I said I was going to start putting my face on today, ha, I haven’t even got dressed yet, it is another one of those days when it is difficult to become motivated. I do keep thinking about Stan more than usual and I woke up feeling numb, I am still feeling numb.
Will you tell me the name of your coffee maker please?
Take care,
Love,
Mary x
Hello again, Sheila,
Thank you for your reply, I have never heard such rubbish as the Age rep. told you, I am not on benefits, and the one I spoke to was very helpful. Luckily, we have a smallish garden, compared to your’s, the gardener who came (recommended) by Age UK is willing to take ours on, I spoke to him the other day and he is coming next Thursday, to take a look. His price last October was very reasonable. I do hope that you find a good one who doesn’t charge the earth.
I hope that the lump in your stomach is sorted for you, it is very worrying to find these lumps and bumps.
I shall message you again, take care,
Love,
Mary x
Hi I have got angel around me which I was told that’s my dog and my ex I can see these in my lounge as I have a camara , it really piecefull to no that they are still with me . I believe in reading and they do make you feel much better .
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Tracy…
… you have been blessed…i do believe in our spiritual world…although i have yet to experience, nor yet to sense my Richard, my three dogs, or angels being around me…I do have on show my three dogs ashes containers and four photos, one each of our three dogs and my Richards photo i have placed nearest his " favourite " although Richard would tell me all three are-were his favourites, his favourite dog, or rather the one he was the closet too, maybe he was because he was a he, our other two were the girls…and it is as if all four are looking directly at me…my dog number one especially is looking straight at me…
Jackie…
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Good for you, Sheila, I am sure that you will receive your target.
Love
Mary x
I don’t think so, Sheila, you look far from a roly-poly to me, in fact, you look very glamourous in your photo.
I am just the opposite, but then Stan passed away suddenly. I have lost loads of weight since. I eat well, I get ready meals from Wiltshire Farm Foods and recently I have bought them from Oakhouse Farm. They are quite adequate for me, I cannot bend down to the oven, so the microwave gets some stick. Stan did all the cooking, he really enjoyed preparing meals, we struck a deal when I became so disabled. I think I have told you, I took over paying all the bills and he did the cooking and shopping. I have never learned to drive and our arrangement worked out fine for both of us. Good luck with your diet.
Love,
Mary x
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Hi Deidre
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and support,I’m so grateful for all the support I’ve had since joining,by people who understand,none of us wanted to be members of this site,but sadly here we all are,we all have a long road ahead of us,I hope and pray we can all find peace,I looked after my wife at home for the last 8 weeks of her life,Christine was able to enjoy her 65 birthday on 12th July with her family,before she passed away on 21st July,I’ll always be grateful for that,I brought my wife’s ashes home,I always have Lilly’s next to her,I hope you also find peace and comfort.
Mike
Dear Sheila,
Thank you for your reply, I am sure when we have loved someone as we have loved, we never get over it. I am just going to make a cup of tea and have a few chocolate biscuits. I had one of my Oakhouse meals for my lunch, it was delicious. They provide mini-meals too for anyone who hasn’t a large appetite, I have tried them too and they are perfectly adequate.
Take care,
Love
Mary x
For me it is just microwave ready meals or salads…long gone are the days, the mornings i would make a large crockpot ( LeCreuset ) trial and error vegetable stews-soups, where i would get my Richard to sit at the dinner table with me, and both sampling yet another one of my stews…Richard always preferred a blitzed smooth blended soup whereas i preferred mine chunky…the we would give marks on my efforts, always were filling and tasty…I do remember one which turned out a very strange colour, we laughed over that one but it was tasty and we ate it all the same…I still have the crockpot but cant ever see me using it, would just bring back the memories, and start me off crying again…I would have often been making these early in the morning, probably just before Richard came downstairs and our three dogs would be hovering around watching me chopping up vegetables thinking i was chopping up pieces of chicken for them, i can still picture them now, how disappointed when they never got any as it wasn’t chicken i was cutting up…
Hi Sheila
Thank you for your kind post,I too talk to my wife everyday,we lived in our home for over 38 years together,they hold such lovely memories of our love ones,I have my wife’s ashes in our living room,and I sit beside her everyday,I say the same things as you each day to my lovely
Take care Mike X
They tell us " life is too short…" whether it is 20 - 30 - 40 or 50 years we had spent with our loved one, life is too short…when i think back to our weekends and Bank Holidays, so many where we had stayed indoors, as i had often said to Richard…" doing nothing, going nowhere, "one day one of us wont be here to do anything, go anywhere, well here it is…Oh dont get me wrong, we had many good weekends, our long walks with our three dogs, several villages open gardens, the next villages annual allotments society show, the village scarecrow competition, Bank Holidays of going to Stately Homes their craft fares, the open gardens, both villages and Manor Houses, the large annual country shows, we had even tried mushroom foraging in private grounds with an expert and a group of us but, there were also many wasted weekends too…looking back, life is so precious and as and when possible we should grab every day but it is not always possible as i am now finding out due to my autoimmune disease, of course now i am angry with myself that these days are now in the past, and these days, these weekends we can never get back, they are over with, oh yes, there will always be days, there will always be weekends, even long after we too depart this earth…maybe a message to pass onto our younger generation, our children, grands and great grands, to make the most of every day, every worthwhile opportunity to spend with their family members, and more so, to stop arguing, and just get on with each other as one never knows whether that argument or whatever, will be there last memory of that person…and as we all now know, we have left it too late to apologise and to say i love you, i want you, i did not mean what i said…
Jackie…
Dear Sheila, Ive just read your recent post to Lucy. You are right, in our grief for our beloved, we also grieve for our ‘lost’ selves - our lovely life with our loved one over the years. Remembering the fun time, the ‘normal’ times just getting up together, going out to work in the mornings and being so glad to be back together in the evenings. The joyful times with our children and the later years of ‘just us’! Your mention of music and a particular song brought back memories to me. As we did much dancing over the years, I have many memories of beautiful tunes we loved and to which we danced. At that time, the last Waltz was often played to ‘I’ll be loving you Always’, which was our favourite song and tune. When choosing music for Alan’s funeral in Church, after two lovely hymns for the main part of the service, I chose for the exiting music ‘I’ll Be Loving You Always’ sung by Frank Sonatra. To me this was most fitting. Strangely, I can now listen to this via the computer, and enjoy the memories. Back to reality, I had better get on with my ‘new’ life. Love and blessings. Deidre.
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Shela…
…you and me both have " hit the nail on the head "…our men have worked all their working life only to take early retirement only to not live long enough to benefit from it, enjoy it nor their money, now what is fare about that…yes robbed is the only expression i can think of…
My Richard and a few others in his management team were offered to take an earlier retirement package and a sum of money, which at 39 years continual employment my Richard jumped at, this was the starting of our future, our engagement, our setting up our home together…Yes after 30 years just one year shy of matching his father at the same large car plant company…I feel so angry that my MS stopped us in our tracks otherwise we would have never have moved home, we would have continued going to the places we had been going to…we had a good ten or so years ahead of us, at least another ten or more, we have been both robbed when there are still able bodied couples still going out and about visiting these same places we once visited…
Jackie…
In reply to Jackie and Sheila, You have both written on ‘life is too short’ and the way in which our ‘working’ lives prevented us stopping us doing what we might have done. I can entirely agree with you, as I worked most of my married life. However, in discussing life with my daughter, who is now doing much the same as I did, is married with two adult sons, busy running her home and family life with her husband. My daughter often says we all do what we feel is the best at the time! I think she is right. When I think of the decisions Alan and I made over the years, different decisions could have been made, but we chose a certain path, followed it and happily on the whole we survived. Work is part of life, it has gone on since time began. The older generations, such as my own parents’ experienced the hard times of the thirties. Sometimes in work, sometimes not. Yet, they later brought up their family to appreciate life, and the fact that we have to work hard to achieve our dreams and desires. Like others, I have lived to see my children do some of the things we did with them, taking their children out, holidays to the same places, introduced them to hobbies that will sustain them for a lifetime, music, outdoor life, we took them on camping holidays. I could go on. On refection, each of us may think we worked too hard, but we would, no doubt, not have had the lives we enjoyed, without our effort and work. I was fortunate in that I enjoyed my working life. I still find that I like to keep up a ‘routine’ if possible, as I did when having to get out to work. For some years I used my secretarial skills voluntarily, and found doing ‘voluntary work’ was just as satisfying to me as holding a paid job. Yes, as a pensioner, grandmother, I can see how the younger ones live these days, busy, but so were we, no computers, mobile phones, expensive holidays, but much love and happiness. Didn’t intend to lecture, just giving a different point of view! Love to all. Deidre