Thanks for that Kate I also want to go to a medium and will go with an open mind. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to find one near to me as yet but will keep looking.
Pat xxxx
Hi Pat,
It is on my things to do list, I am anxious to visit a medium but we have to be careful that we choose someone who is genuine. Our son went to one, shortly after Stan died and he told me that his dad came through ( he was quite upset by this, our son) and he described his funeral (Stan’s ) exactly as it was.
I will let you know when I have been, I have to wait for the slightly warmer weather but not when it is too light. I haven’t been out since I was discharged from hospital.
Love,
Mary x
Hello everyone, I’ve just been reading your posts about your sleepless nights, and your super ideas of having chocolate drinks and biscuits in bed! I, too, miss my lovely husband and soulmate who died 21 months ago so much, and still do not sleep through the night. Regularly, I get out of bed around 3 am, walk to my kitchen, all on one level as I live in a bingalow, put the kettle on, get a few biscuits, or a dish of cereal and take them to the lounge and my favourite armchair to indulge! I may have woken from a sleep where I had been with my husband, and on awakening became tearful at the memory. Other times, I cry, howling at what seems the end of the world due to my loneliness, progressing mobility problems, or anything else under the sun. However, other times I realise I am the fortunate one here, I am alive, able to do what I wish, if my grief doesnt get in the way. I have just taken a big step, to move home! I have several reasons for choosing to do this. One, although I love the home in which Alan and I shared much happiness, I feel the loneliness so much being on my own. Also, partly due to the difficult terrain of my garden I can no longer tend it and have to pay a gardener, and in addition I hope to improve my financial situation by moving. It’s taken me a long time to make up my mind on how to improve my life and have taken the decision to live in a Retirement Complex apartment. Having just sold my home, and chosen my apartment there is much to be done. Sleep last night to me was practically non-existent. I was turning things over and over in my mind, glad that I had made the decision to make a new start for myself, but also sad that my beloved Alan was no longer by my side to make the move with me. My comfort is that I am sure that Alan would like the choice I have made for my future home and that he will be with me in spirit. I know he would be sad if I was for ever unhappy. Today I’ve had words of encouragement from friends and relatives that I’ve made a sensible decision. Time only will tell, but already I’m thinking about where I shall place the furniture in my apartment, and the legal work to get there has only just begun! So tonight I may drink my chocolate drink in bed with a hot water bottle beside me and trust that I will have a better night’s sleep. My new mindset on future plans should help, I think! Love and best wishes in your coping. Deidre
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Dear Deidre
Your post was a comfort to me and I hope that your imminent move will be a very positive step for you on your journey through this heartbreak. I lost my husband nearly six months ago and each day is no better than the one before. I am extremely lonely, John and I did everything together and were happy in each other’s company. I now finds the days unending.
I have a friend in a retirement complex in Banbury and I visit her there. It took a little while for her to settle but she is now much happier and the residents are kind and friendly.
I wish you all the best luck. I might be doing th3 same before long.
Barbara
Dear Sheila,
I do not believe that you are overthinking, moving house is a big decision to make, especially as you are leaving so many beautiful memories behind.
Stan and I bought this bungalow nearly 24 years ago, it was perfect for our needs, as I have told all of you, I cannot walk more than a few yards because of my injured spine. However, I am sure that moving was all part of God’s plan, we had never had any inclination to move, we lived in a semi-detached house, no mortgage, at our age nor should have had. The week starting the 12th April, 1996, I had had 2 falls one was really dangerous, Stan was bitten by a trout and had to be admitted to hospital with blood poisoning. I was browsing through our weekly local paper and I spotted this bungalow, I casually said to Stan would you like to live in a bungalow?. Why not? was the reply, I went to the phone rang the site agent and arranged a viewing, as soon as we walked in, both of us knew that we could live here. A month later we were living here, it all happened so quickly, my brother was horrified when I told him, you can’t move he said # 75 is my second home. we never regretted it and settled here from day 1.
Sorry for the long post and thank you for reading it, if you have read so far.
Love,
MaryL
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Dear Barbara, I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. I’m glad that my words were a comfort to you. I know only too well the various hard stages that we all go through in our grief. It is still early days for you and I hope you will soon find you are gaining in strength, able to cope and feel better. Like you and your husband, Alan and I always did everything together. I still miss him every day. I do find however that if I can be with friends for a while, maybe just a cup of tea and a chat or a browse round the shops together, I feel better afterwards. I have never been on my own. I grew up with 2 sisters and 2 brothers, met Alan when I was 17 and he was 21. We married when I was 21. We enjoyed our home, bringing up our son and daughter until they left home to make their way in the world. We then developed some new hobbies and returned to our earlier love of ballroom and folk dancing that led us into a contented retirement together, which included many caravan holidays and motoring. Alan died just a fortnight after our 59th Wedding Anniversary. I know that he would expect me to ‘get on with life’ and not sit about being sad. This is easier said than done and after 21 months without him, I’ve set myself a new challenge.
Thank you for your best wishes on my decision to move to a Retirement Complex. I am looking forward to my ‘fresh start’ in one way, but also feel somewhat apprehensive. I’ll let you all know how I get on in due course. Love and best wishes. Deidre.
Hi Deidre, last night I also had one of those nights. I woke up at about 1a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep and as I don’t drink coffee or drinking chocolate I decided after an hour of my mind running riot, I got hold of some of my gardening books and started checking up on some of the things I am growing. I then watched TV. I fell asleep at about 5.30a.m. so I expect to have a better night tonight.
You are very brave to move and I hope one day to get that feeling that it is now time for a move. I wonder if this house holds too many memories. I have also looked at these retirement complex’s but I have dogs which are not allowed. I know when the time is ready then it will happen and when I see that other people have managed to do it then I know I will also one day. Well done Deidre and good luck in your new home. Keep in touch and let us know how you get on.
Pat xxx
Hello Diedre just a little message to say I live in a Retirement complex and I am so glad to be living here. We moved here 12 years ago after a lot of thought because we were very happy in our Bungalow but my Ron did not have a good pension so that he could retire early because he had been ill we downsized. He always said that if anything happened to him he felt I was in the right place. We were married nearly 51 years when I lost him nearly 4 years ago. I miss him so much but living here in our little retirement cottage there are so many ladies who have also lost their loved ones so we all feel the same. By the way Pattidot because I am in a cottage with a little garden we are allowed pets so remember that if you ever decide to move. It is lovely keeping in touch with people on this wonderful site. Love and Hugs xx Carol xxx
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Thanks I will remember that. The retirement complex#s by us are flats though, very nice but not practical, however you have got me thinking and I pass them when out walking, might just call in and see what they are all about, can’t do any harm. Might take a look around though.
Again thanks
Pat
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Thank you Carol for your encouraging words. So glad you are enjoying living in a Retirement complex, and that you also had some years there with your late husband. On the whole I feel I will eventually settle into the Retirement complex that I have chosen, it is only 15 minutes drive from where I now live, and about ten minutes drive to my daughter’s home. I feel I cannot expect it to be ‘just right’ straight away, will have to get used to living in a community. I have friends who moved into Retirement Complexes together as couples, so that when anything happened to one, there would not be the necessity to look elsewhere to live. For me, 21 months after losing my Alan it is very much a different way of life ahead. However, I aim to keep positive most of the time. All for now. Love, Deidre.
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Thank you Pat for your kind words. Hope you have a better sleep pattern tonight, myself also, it is time I was thinking of getting there as I have a long day out tomorrow with my daughter visiting my son and his wife. Although I have sold my home, chosen my apartment in a very pleasant retirement complex, I am feeling the enormity of the decision. However, much to plan. I will let you all know how it goes. Love, Deidre
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I hope that you will be very happy, Carol in your new home. x
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Dear Sheila, Thank you for your lovely letter. I also have wonderful memories of 59 years of marriage with my dear husband Alan. Whereas you and your husband stayed in your first and only home, we moved for the first time when our son was only 19 months old to another house in the same village. Four years later our daughter was born and we continuing living in that house for twenty years, Our next move came when both children were studying in Further and Higher education, and later from where they each left to marry. After fifteen years in this our third home, we then became nearer to retirement age, ‘restless’ and decided to move house again ,this time downsizing. It became quite an interest setting up new homes and gardens, as well as keeping in touch with our old friends and making new ones. As our daughter by then had moved to a different area, we finally decided to move to the same area, 70 miles from our ‘roots’! We have not regretted a day since moving, it gave a whole new experience of life being somewhere new, and nearer the coast which is a delight. It is now seventeen years since our last move to our ‘new’ area. Our grandsons are grown up, two getting married this year. So in addition to moving on my own for the first time, I have a challenge and much to look forward to. Blessings to all. Love, Deidre
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Hi I agree with everything you have said,each day seems more lonely than the previous day,I just feel a numbness each day,people tell me take each day as it comes,not sure what the answer is.i just try to keep active.
Our home is not a home anymore without my lovely wife here.
Take care
Hi M50, First of all I am so sorry for your loss of your wife. I realise your home will not be the same without her. I hope you manage to cook and look after yourself. Keeping regular meals that you enjoy, can be a comfort, even if you have to prepare them yourself. If you are mobile try to get some fresh air each day if only a short walk from your home and back. I find if I walk locally I often meet someone I know with whom I can have a chat and pass the time of day. I more often than not drive to my local shops and from time to time may meet up with someone I know and stop for a friendly chat. Life when first bereaved is very traumatic, and most of us on this site confide in our feelings more easily here than within our own regular circles of friends, family or acquaintances. I trust you will find comfort from this site, and in your life generally. It may help to do some things at home the same way that your wife did them, thus feeling the familiar connection. Just perhaps the way she laid the table, displayed flowers, did certain jobs on particular days, all may help. Your wife would want you to remember the good times you had together and be glad of such memories. Wishing you all the best. Deidre.
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I have just woken up at 3 am , read your post. from 5 days ago. You describe exactly how I am feeling.
L
Life is like a book, we have the beginning, the middle and the ending…For all fof us who have lost our forever partner, our hubby or wife, we are of the older generation who for the ex amount of past years have known no different, been the same pattern throughout our coupled life, now we are facing our final chapter, or final chapter as i see it…and to say this is going to be frightening-maybe even exciting, but it will be unpredictable, and I can only assume for many will be thinking of leaving their family home for a rest of their life retirement complex if only for the security and company, and safety…our final chapter we are not wanting, were not expecting but are now needing…when all we want is the old familiar, our continuation of our previous life which to many of us doesn’t seem that too long ago…what happened to it, where did it go, why did it have to end, why oh why…
Jackie…
As the Bob Marley - Sam Cooke song goes…a " change is gonna come…We are now facing a " what we need rather than a what we want…" due t our now situation, maybe due to our own declining health issues, the safety aspect, and our now loneliness after the loss of our forever partner-our hubby-our wife…we have come to the ending of our previous chapter…and have no clues as to our next chapter, nor are anyone of us relishing in looking forwards to it…
Dear M50
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your dear wife and of the loneliness it has brought. I feel just the same after my husband died nearly 6 months ago. Each day seems just like the last one with nothing to look forward to and wishing he was here. I miss him more and more.
Writing on this site helps me, it is a comfort to know that others are going through the same heartbreak and understand the pain. It also helps to hear that they have survived and have found peace.
I hope you can find strength and comfort. Barbara
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Hello again, Sheila,
Thank you for your reply, you will know when the time is right for you to move.
How are you today?
Love
Mary