Loneliness

Fourteen weeks on, I am finding the loneliness of losing my husband unbearable. I do my housework, shopping etc and knit, read etc but not talking to anyone is destroying me. I live in a very quiet street and neighbours all work so I see no-one from one day to the next. What else can I do to make it better. I cry so much it hurts. I feel a wreck. Suggestions would be very welcome. I know I am not the only to feel like this but it seems as if I am. Anyone feeling as I do gets my full sympathy, it is awful.

Take care all

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MoGreg1,

I feel for you I really do, I’m also at the 14 weeks stage of this awful journey we have to travel.

The loneliness is awful, do you have any family or friends you can maybe phone call, or facetime,
you mentioned reading and knitting, is there a reading group at your local library you could join, or a local wool shop that has a knitting group, if only for an hour once a week it’s something to look forward to and would help you meet new people,

I’m sorry I don’t have any other suggestions, I’m very much like you, except I cant seem to get into reading like I used to do, I’m trying to build up into it again, knitting is OK, doesn’t take much, you don’t need to retain it in your brain,

We are all doing what’s best for each of us as best we can, I’ve found this site to be my life line, it’s not the same talking to family or friends who haven’t been in this situation, coming on here and reading what complete strangers are feeling, knowing its exactly how you are feeling has helped so much.

Hugs Chrissy3

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It does help knowing others are in a similar situation but it doesn’t cure it does it?

Hugs to you too xx

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Hi no you’re right the reality is that we are alone and I’ve found even going out with well meaning friends and family the feeling of being alone is still there, watching them chatting with no real idea of how your life is devastated, talking about all their future plans together it’s heartbreaking and torturous and I ask myself is this my life now forever lots hugs xx

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I am coming up on my first year in 2 weeks. I know how painful the loneliness can be. I too am an avid knitter for children’s charities. It keeps my mind and fingers busy. Have you thought of doing volunteer work. Perhaps googling “volunteer opportunities “ will get you out of the house and moving. I started doing that and I’m enjoying it.

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I feel sort of in limbo I’m not sure if I want to go back to my job as I’m an end of life nurse and think it’s too close to my situation and I can’t cope with other peoples emotions right now, I want to go back to the gym but don’t know if can face that either, I quite like the moments of reflection and sadness it’s only nine weeks and it’s my only connection left and I’m in this on my own and it’s my way of working it all out, trying to make sense of how it all happened so quickly and where do I go from here, so many questions but no answers but happy to just drift along for now in my sanctuary at home seeking for peace

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Hi all sat reading your post’s here lone unable to consider another minute feeling so lost & alone. I too have friends but I feel alone in a crowded room, have tried loads of different things in my ‘new’ life, a floristry course, volunteering but I just think what’s the point. My husband was my life, everything I wanted to do was with him, he with me for over 40 years. How can life & him disappear in a second.

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Life is cruel . I was with my Wife for 40 years and 2 years on still miss her so much. She, like your husband, was my whole world and losing her at 59 is wicked. I have a married neighbour who i go Dog walking with twice a day which gives me something to look forward to .She has been my rock and I would be lost without her. We have become great friends and i am lucky to have her, but there will never be a substitute for your soul mate. Good luck and take care x

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I understand completely. What I’ve learned now at my first anniversary in 2 weeks is that grief is a journey taken at your own personal timeframe. It really is. I see that now. Some things I did or didn’t want to do in the earlier months have changed now. I have become more accepting of the finality of losing him. I woke up this morning and took off my wedding band for the first time. I may put it back on but today it just seemed wrong to keep wearing it. It represents a living relationship. Why kid myself. I’m alone and single now. I hate it but I just feel I should be true to myself. One more step in trying to heal? Maybe.
Barbara❤️

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I am still grieving myself after loosing my mum last March 2020 after she suffered from a massive stroke and never regained consciousness and spending 4 nights in hospital.
It wasn’t until July this year that my sister and myself managed to go back upto see my dad and return with her ashes and bury her ashes with my late grandmother as it was my mum’s wishes and managed to do it the 2nd week of August.
I am still grieving for her and still really missing her, got plenty of pictures of her in my studio flat with flowers and some of her belongs to keep me to remember her.

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@Barb11. Your mention of taking off your wedding ring made me think of an earlier post with someone saying they still considered themselves to be married, another saying they refused to tick a box saying widow. I am a widow & an orphan & hate both these titles.

I asked my counsellor about being in love. Some people love deeply but aren’t in love, that I get. I am deeply in love, so where the hell does that go? What happens when/if I stop being in love with my husband. Can you only be in love if you can hold, touch, kiss, caress your love. She couldn’t answer. I am so scared of that happening, I would just die inside. What if memories just aren’t enough to keep being in love alive?

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I will always wear my wedding ring it is a sign of my love for my husband. In fact, after he died I had his wedding ring altered to fit me and wear that too. We were devoted to each other and that is how it will stay for me. No one will ever take his place. He was just so special.

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Dear Maigret and McGreg. I hear both of you. First of all, I can’t imagine falling out of love with our spouse even if they’re not here physically with us anymore. That just seems impossible to me. Secondly, in the early months, I swore I would never take my band off. Then out of the clear blue I woke up the other day and decided I would, in fact, take it off to see if that form of acceptance would further my healing. At that moment, I felt that wearing a wedding band signified a “living” marriage. I don’t know. We’ll see how I feel about it down the road. For now it’s satisfying enough to be married to him in my heart and in my memories. Ironically, my husband never wore one. And he loved me with all his heart.

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Dear Barb11, Of course you loved him you know that and he knew that too. The main thing is do whatever works for you. Your heart will give you the right answer.

Hugs Moira

Dear Mab so well said I feel exactly the same oh wow someone feels just like me Sending best wishes xx

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I can remember that stage. My friend were wonderful and so were my kids . Then at about 6 months my friends stopped coming and I was on my own with COVID. I developed anxiety and added up uwith a psychologist, she has been very helpful. Go out as much as you can and if you are under lockdown ring people up. I go out to morning tea every day and yes I do take drugs. I also go to various groups. But the loneliness can be crippling. I have written all the good things I v
Can remember about him because it is supposed to hgelp but it doesn’t. It helps the kids though.
Keep moving

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Dear Sharonbr I was quite happy when we went out for my husband to hold the floor and do the talking. Now I have to do that and even though I enjoy talking I’m finding it so hard I could always rely on him to take over he had such a big personality and knew a great deal of people and he was very well liked but now everything I say is down to me and me alone so I’m finding that I have to think before I open my mouth in case I put my foot in it :grin: not literally ha ha but that I find is one of the hardest things and after 2 yrs it’s not getting any easier I miss him so very much and always will
We had nearly 50 yrs together and I just ache for him Thanks for listening

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This is exactly how I feel. The loneliness is devastating. You are not really alone when we can chat on here

Take care Moira

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I know exactly what you mean. Life has no meaning without my husband. I keep on plodding on - working, visiting friends etc. but the whole point was being with him. Not sure how anything can ever make me see the point of things now. Take care

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I was at a relatives funeral today. The same crem. that I said the last goodbye to my husband. The vicar was very good and talked about sudden death. At the end of the Service and outside I was in tears and had to go and speak with the vicar to say that I hoped more than anything that my husband would be waiting for me - this is the only thing that keeps me going.

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