Loneliness

A street, shopping centre or park can be swarming with people, but, since the loss of my partner, I can now feel thoroughly lonely in such settings. My fellow human beings can be so close, yet so far away. My partner meant so much to me, whether we were watching TV, sitting in the garden, enjoying a holiday, or taking a quiet stroll together. I am simply not sure how to move on from where I find myself now.

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Dear @Michael17

Welcome to the Community, I so sorry to hear of the loss of your partner.

One of the most difficult parts of a bereavement can be the feelings of loneliness that comes with it, nothing can prepare you for it.

Sue Ryder has a Grief Self-Help Service that contains useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief, explore your emotions and feelings and hear from others experiencing grief. When you are ready, it would be worth taking a look at.

Cruse Bereavement have advice on how to cope with the Loneliness . It would be worth having a read to see how it can help you.

If you type in the search bar Loneliness you can connect with members here who have experienced and been in the same position as yourself.

I do hope the above will be of help to you. Please continue to reach out and take care of yourself.

Pepsi

I am so sorry for your loss Michael. I totally agree with what you say. My Husband passed away 10 months ago and I still feel incredibly lonely. At the moment my Daughter and her family are away on holiday and that has made the loneliness worse. I normally see her briefly most days when she passes my house on the school run. Yesterday I was at the hairdressers and the hairdresser asked me how I am enjoying my retirement - I really wanted to say all my hope’s and dreams had been shattered but to save her embarrassment I just said it was so so. Unfortunately I don’t have the answer about moving on. This is the second time that I have been widowed and I am definitely finding the loneliness and moving on much harder this time

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Hi so sorry for your loss . I understand about being lonely . My hubby died ten months ago . I still have my adult son living with me . And his girlfriend and daughter . So the house is not quiet . But I still feel so lonely without the one person that got me . I just miss the closeness we had . Even when just sitting watching tv . We didn’t always have to speak . A look between us said a thousand words . I miss and still love him so much . Hope you manage to find a way through this awful pain and heartbreak . I havnt . But posting and reading on this site has helped me . Knowing that people understand . Xtake carex

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Hi kimmieLou,

Not once but twice — hard.

While your story is extremely sad, I would like to think it gives an insight to others that there are pros & not all cons on our journey.

Take care
G. X

Hi Grandma

My first Husband had a rare heart condition - he was ill for a long time and spent the last year of his life in hospital. I knew what the eventual overcome would be and I am sure that I was grieving before he passed away. After he passed away I was determined that I would not spend the rest of my life alone and started internet dating. After loads of horrendous dates I met the man who became my second Husband. We had a fairytale wedding, he was the love of my life and we were married for 2.5 amazing years. In October 2021 we went away for a long weekend to celebrate my birthday and he felt unwell all weekend. We came home early on the Monday morning and within an hour of being home he had a massive heart attack and passed away.
I could not and still cannot believe that it has happened to me for the second time. I miss him terribly

I am well aware that it is possible to pick yourself up and find happiness again and I would love to have someone special in my life again but have I got the courage and strength to do it again - I don’t know

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Many thanks for pointing out possible ways forward. In the meantime I will not deny that I am finding things difficult.

Hello KimmieLou: It’s difficult to know how one is likely to react to a bereavement, whether it’s a single experience or whatever. I am certainly finding things difficult right now and would hate to have to face your kind of situation.

You capture my own experience. It was good just to be together, not necessarily speaking, but very much in tune with each other. Materially the situation is much the same - the same furniture, curtains, TV set, etc but now there is a chilling emptiness about my surroundings.

Hi Michael. Everything you say resonates with me. It is 10 months since my Husband passed away and although the situation is getting easier day by day I am still struggling. The main thing is the loneliness. I go out but after a couple of hours I want to go home. I go home and the loneliness hits me. I think I must tell my Husband about something that’s happened and then realise I can’t. It’s when you went out together even if you were opposite sides of a room you could look at each other, smile and know what you were both thinking. I used to wake up every morning and think that I was the luckiest person in the world to have got my happy ever after. The way I cope is to take each day as it comes and not to think too far into the future

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You strike a familiar chord, KimmieLou. It is as if loneliness condemns you to being in an eternal cycle from which there’s no escape. I take a walk in the park because I need to get out of the house, and then find it difficult to cope with the presence of all those apparently contented souls around me. Until recently I had what they had, and maybe took it all a little too much for granted. Perhaps that’s why I think I can still communicate with my partner - until I suddenly realise that that particular door is now firmly closed. I can only hope that I will somehow discover new avenues leading to the happiness I have lost.

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Your message resonates with me . I became a widow at 54 and then again at 72 when my partner died 9months ago. It feels much harder this time not the same resilience as the 54 year old me. I keep busy but it’s not having someone to share your day with is what I find the hardest to cope with. Baby steps I suppose I don’t want to think of another relationship but friendship and companionship would go a long way to aliviate those lonely moments . S

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Morning, .
Think we are all guilty of taking each other for granted - that’s what couples do. His jobs, her jobs , being comfortable in each others company without the need to talk all the time.
It’s checking the doors & putting lights off - one of hubby’s jobs - then I know he isn’t coming home.
There’s a big world out there, I want to join in — but not today !!

I’ve had to learn about the numerous recycling bins – I’m getting there!

Take care
G. X

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Quietly sharing each day is very important, Shirley. That is how my partner and I found enduring happiness. She lost her husband in her early fifties, and I lost her recently when she was 76. Although ravaged by cancer, she was as attractive to me as on the day when I first met her and, indeed, was active until shortly before she passed away. I am devastated but I can at least hope that I shall find happiness again before my own time arrives. I do hope you find what you think would bring you a degree of happiness once more.

Hello Grandma: I see your present inclinations. I personally don’t look forward to spending the rest of my days on my own, although whether I actually get what I would like is another matter. I hope things work out for you in whatever life style suits you at the present time.

Hi Shirley and Michael. I agree with you both - I don’t think I can spend the rest of my days by myself. I am not sure if I want another relationship but definitely companionship but as you say Michael whether we get what we actually want is another matter. My Daughters try to include me socially in whatever they are doing but they have young children so it is not always my idea of fun. I hate this 'lopsided ’ feeling - that part of me is missing - wherever I go and whatever I do

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Hi everyone,

When I am included with family things I just feel like a spare part or hanger on now. That’s nothing to do with how I am treated by family, it’s just me. So sad.x

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Hi Loobyloo2. That is exactly how I feel and once again nothing to do with family just the way I feel

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Hi . I feel like I have no future . I am almost 60 . So my life might continue for some years . I can’t even think about companionship or another relationship . I know I am so lonely without Chris . But he is in my thoughts all the time . The happy life we had . And now the horrendous , lonely , sad , life I have to continue with . My kids are great but I don’t want them thinking they have to be there for me all the time . I don’t want to become a burden on them . They deserve the happy life chris and I had . … sending love and strength to get us all through each sad day Xtake carex

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Absolutely everything everyone is posting on here resonates with me. I tell my Daughters that if what has happened to me hasn’t taught them anything else they need to grab life with both hands and live it to the full

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