i lost my wife just over two years ago and still every morning i awake and it feels like the day after she died i’m so lost and lonely


I am so sorry that your are suffering so badly after losing your wife over two years ago, and the trauma of losing your business. You must have been through hell.
I lost my husband seven months ago and it hasn’t got any easier, despite my best efforts to be positive. I dislike living alone and wake up with the usual feeling of immense sadness that he is not with me.
All we can do is live each day and try and find something positive. I go out as much as I can and meet friends.
Have you had any counselling? I have and it does help to talk to someone who doesn’t know you.


Hi, I’ve seen your other post but will respond here. 2 years is a long time to still feel as bad as you do but clearly you had a lot to deal with. Have you sought help from a doctor or councellor?

I’m sure trusting any medical professional is low on your list but it may help to start the process of healing.

i had a really bad breakdown witch really i feel i am still going through i had visits from rotherham hospital mental team who tried to sort my life out witch was exactly what i did not want last year i had six sessions one on one with mind councilling witch was helping but you are only aloud six sessions so having no children i feel like i’m becoming a recluse in order to get through the day

I am very sorry to hear what you are still growing through.
Is there any chance you maybe able to have anymore counselling? Do you go out walking, which really helps me, especially in the countryside It’s important to go out if possible. Hope you are managing to eat ok.

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Sorry to here about you loss.
My husband only passed 10 weeks ago so early days.
Trying to keep busy duting the day but nights are hard.
I went to garden to try to fo dome things today as he looked after that was his sanctuary growing veg and plants managed to scape wrist vein with secateurs trying to cut bamboo luckly did not cut so just swollen guess i cant even be trusted with the simple tool.
Might need a gardener but im sure it will cost we have such a big garden.
What next everything i do seems to go wrong now.

yes i go for a walk now and again i try to do things but cannot seem to concentrate enough so give up me and karen were together 35 years we were best friends and shared everything so being alone is so hard no more counceling they have many people waiting there is nothing available we’re i live for single men i’ve been to andy’s man club and i’ve been on the waiting list for a gardening club but nothing yet it just seems endless

Me too together 37 years married for 35 would have been 36 on 28th August not looking forward to that date. I just feel part of me is missing we did everything together so trying to find something i can join on my own is hard
I have put my name down to join a local book club but waiting list too
Would like to join walking group in my area in Scotland but not found anything yet but i will keep searching. I think from what i have read we are all funding it hard to reconnect outwith our bubble we are all used to be couples now we are on our own and that is hard to understand

Gardeners are like hens teeth. I hope I have found one having been ripped off by a different one. Charge £200 for 2 hours work. The new one has been once and spent 2 hours with me but only charged for one and £25 and I am sure he will come back. I have a small low maintenance garden but I can’t even get out to it. Can only look at it from inside. Just try your best.

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You are correct not been able to get a gardener. Will wait tll winter when most plants will die back My garden is large lots of plants and flowers my husband was in garden 9-5 so full time job for him. For me not being a gardener it is hard to comprehend. I will do my best to look after until i get someone reliable.
Sorry to hear you dont get out much i hope someone will arrange to take you out soon. Please take care of yourself x

I hope you find a gardener like mine. I explained my situation and got a bit teary so he gave me a hug. He sat and talked to me for an hour before tackling the garden. Then he gave me a hug before he left. He is coming back but if there is nothing needing doing he will not charge even though it is a 20 mile round trip. A truly great guy.

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i went to my nieces 18th birthday do at a restraunt i had to leave it was so hard seeing other couples together the problem i have when i go out is coming home when i close the door it’s as if someone puts a black shroud all around me and i know i’m alone i can still feel the touch of my wife her smell her laughter the only thing that makes me feel happy is watching films with her in so i can here her voice

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I can well understand how difficult it was seeing other couples in the restaurant. I feel the same seeing couples.
I agree, returning to an empty home is very upsetting, it makes me cry every time.
How lovely for you to have films with your wife in. I dearly wish I could hear my husband speak.

as my family all live in america at the crematorium they did a device were people could watch it live witch
good for my sister and extended
family also i have a copy when i’m really down i watch it i know it sounds awful but knowing how nice the service was it was the last time i saw her and it puts my mind to rest a little i had
a lay preacher he made people laugh and cry witch is what my karen would have wanted and karen’s 91 year old mother said it reminded her of karen so much it was wonderfull

Yes it is strange when you were a couple you didnt notice other couples now on your own you are aware how many couples are around you. Me too away from house sad but able to cope soon as home realise how alone i feel and the tears start flowing.
It is so empty in the house all his things are still around cant bear to move. His ashes are in the bedroom we shared so i can be close to him. I still have to take them to Fiji were he born to scatter at his home. We were only there in Feb 2023 so not sure when i will be strong enough to go back there with him and leave him there. It is a trip i hoped never to be doing.
Life is so unfair

i too have karen’s ashes at the side of my and and every bite i say goodnight to our photo and in the morning i say hello i still cry after two years i can be anywhere and a thought or a memorie pops up and life stops i just can’t help it but it seems to take over i have problem sleeping i can go two to three days without and i forget about food i just cannot see it getting any easier why how i often wonder what we did wrong to have this fate pushed into our lived

Like you i can days have naps for a couple of hours. Doctor gave me sleeping tablets which i have halved as dont want to be zombie like and addicted to them.
For me it is only 10 weeks so early days but sonetimes i see people have been years and still feel the same. I only hope i am strong enough to get through these early days. I try to be strong when around prople but when i get home i know that i am not really strong. Life is different now i have been so used of the two of us against the world now it is just me im finding this hard.
I know we all need to look after ourselves but doing this is hard at the moment.

I feel your pain Kazhoney. My wife of 19 years died 10 days ago. All of a sudden we’re single again - I have no friends and dont know how to live this life. I just want my wife back, but I never will. I looked online to see if there were any clubs for widowers near me, but nothing apart from a womens lunch club and I think I’d look a bit out of place.

yep there doesn’t seem to be anything for men my friends were my workmates but after two years they don’t come the odd message i realise there life continues but i do feel a little like i have been forgotten xmas and the dark nights are the worst the days seem so long i keep myself to myself at xmas it’s so hard when everybody is happy that’s when i feel out of place i don’t want to spoil it for others

This christmas i have decided to spend on my own. Last year we were in Australia at my daughters son in law geandchildren and extended family about 25 people do large gathering this year i could not face anyone. If we stayed home it would have been just the two of us so i will spend christmas here on my own with my husband and all our memories. I know it will be a hard day but i think i need the time to reflect cry be sad go through emotions so i can be stronger on this journey i continue on my own.
I have not been able to cook since he passed just snacking lost over 1st in weight so hopefully for Christmas i will make a meal but who knows if i will be able to eat it.
Another day in the journey of life now each one a day closer to meeting our loved ones in time.