My dear husband passed away three years ago, I was coping well and went back to work but now I feel this very intense loneliness, I have grandchildren, but it is the loneliness of not having Jim around, it also feels like my home is not a home anymore, does this sound familiar to anyone? I just don’t know where I belong anymore
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My thoughts are with you. You can be surrounded by people and still be alone.
As for home theres an incompleteness about not having one’s soul mate there to share it with. Triggers are everywhere of their presance.
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@TaylAlis yes this is exactly how I feel . My home is just a house now , it was always full of laughter and comfort when my husband was here. Also the loneliness is bloody awful . I hate my own company now . Where before I didn’t mind being on my own ,knowing husband would be coming home with a kiss and a smile .life is so boring now . I have grandkids , they help , but there is always the sadness that my husband is missing out on seeing them ,and they are missing out on there wonderful grandar . Its two and half years since he died , and I can’t ever see my life improving . I loved being his wife , now I’m just a widow (i hate that word ) xtake carex
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I’ve said before in the group I don’t call home , home anymore. I call it a house with just me now in it. The silence is deafening if that makes sense to anyone. No beginning middle or end greetings anymore
No texts to my phone from him just silence .yes that word WIDOW.
Triggers are everywhere in each room .
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Thank you everyone, it’s just makes me feel more normal that others are saying the same thing.
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Morning TalyAlis,
Yes, you can add me to the list of loneliness replies and I like you have been on my own for a while now and don’t think i’ll ever come to terms with it. I think as hard as we try to make some meaningful life it seems impossible without them. As you say the loneliness of not having them around and not feeling you belong anymore sums it up. Pete was a keen fisherman and often came home in the early hours and I would then come down to a sink full of fish waiting to be sorted. He was not in my good books at the time as the smell was horrible… How I wish I could come down to those fish now!!! Any others on here got a tale that drove them crazy but now wish it could happen again? Thinking of you all as we hopefully start a better week . Love Jenny X
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Yes quite a few…my husband used to love having a bath everyday full up to the rim. I would moan at him to have a shower as we were on a water meter. He would turn the heating on and I would moan at him to put a jumper on and I would come back from work on a hot day and no windows open. I feel so bad for moaning at my husband but I thought we had another 30 years together. Never thought he would suddenly and unexpectedly die,
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Morning all I find myself back on here reading your messages good to know it’s not just me feeling like this after coming up to three years it has been tough and I don’t know how I am still ticking along with out my husband with me we would be enjoying out retirement together life has been so cruel to us some people manage to move on build a new life I do not like this new life
As you say out homes are just a roof over our head had lovely memories though which I am grateful for but it needs maintaining it’s too big really but not sure how I could move and the garden needs lot work
My husband was also a fisherman he would sort his tackle box out in lounge and he would come home smelling fish I would
love all that now missing him so much was all so sudden
His cloths are still in his wardrobe have not managed to move any thing not sure when I will
Sending you all a hug xx
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The lonlieness is awful, and the silence deafening. It was 2 months yestetday, so i guess theres time for it to improve.
Funny stories though. My husband was a keen gardener. He was always bringing his trays/pots of plants through the house. He always left a trail of mud behind him, or little bits of plant. I wish i could follow him now with the dustpan!
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I can relate to all of it…. My partner Steve was a truck driver was only at home Friday m, Saturday and Sunday, although we spoke through the week about 10 times everyday…. My house was always tidy but come Friday…. It was like a whirlwind had landed…. Everything everywhere…. Crumbs on the floor tissues all over the place…… I take all that and more to have my wonderful man back…. I’m so sad without him, I miss him like crazy 
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When I registered my husbands death a year ago the lady registrar said I would have to get used to being called a widow. Too upset to argue at the time but I remember it well. I thought she’s in the wrong job And worse! lol. I don’t use the word. I say I am married but my husband has died. He is still my husband so I am still married as far as I am concerned.
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Bless you…… it’s only a piece of paper, you both know who you really are and that’s what matters…… it’s a similar story to mine…. Take care Mrs…… from another Mrs…… x
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Jenny2016, My husband, also called Steve, was a truck driver too. I can so relate to your description of his arrival back home! He was often away for up to two weeks and then everything was full on for a few days before he went off again. The last few years before he died though he was very unwell, had two strokes and couldn’t walk, speak or eat properly. He was heartbroken to give up not just his HGV but also his car licence. We both hated the situation. I gave up work to be his full time carer although I was resentful and rubbish at it. He’s been gone for over 2 and a half years now. I loved our home and there are always people coming to stay or visit during holidays. I have great family and friends and on the surface I’m doing well. I’m busy with travelling (we travelled to some wonderful places and I’m carrying on the legacy), days trips, volunteering, cinema etc. but honestly, I’m trying to escape the reality. I miss him so much and this home, which we built together, and was my refuge and comfort after her died is just a house now. The thought of moving fills me with dread and there is no real reason to move, but I’m tired of rattling around in it, it lacks warmth and … him.
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@ CookI hated the word widowed at first, these days though… I realize that it has a double take to it. First, people in general are fearful of this word, so we are shunned. Second, if I own this term, and somehow embrace it somehow helps me and others to stand our grounds, and be ourselves albeit at the perhaps most vulnerable time of our lives.
Spiritually, I have come to understand how much closer to the real home above …here is a song, recently discover ed to share:
If anyone would like to know the words, can use google translate, here is just an extract of it.
I lift my hands,
even if I don’t have the strength
I lift my hands,
although I have a thousand problems
…
Love to everyone … from my heart, and yes, I continue to feel lonely as you all… May we be comforted and sent human angels … 
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Such a strong beautiful message in that song…. Thank you for sharing…. May we all take lots of strength to cope with the sadness
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Hi
I lost Peter nearly 3 years ago. I had already retired then so had no place to go to help me cope. My son and his wife have been wonderful to me and help me all they can but the loneliness and despair are still with me. Whenever I am alone. which is most of the time, I am in tears. I hate being on my own, nobody to talk to and cooking a meal because I have to eat seems a waste as I do not enjoy eating on my own either. I sometimes don’t see anyone for 3 or 4 days at a time. I say all of this to you to show you that how you feel is, so I am told, normal. But how long the loneliness lasts I do not know. I wish I could see a future. Sending love Moira xx
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Loneliness is the price we have to pay for having had and lost our soul mates. Four weeks now since I lost Karen . I’m so grateful she was my soul mate for 42 years, I just wish we could have had longer together. No matter how many friends/ family you have they don’t stop the loneliness .
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Derek 364
So true the loneliness is inside of us other people are outside of that so it continues no matter who we may or may not have around.
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Thats exactly how I feel. I hate my house
now, would love to move but where??
I live in a village , dont drive, both my husband and I had retired before he died 15 months ago from lymphoma cancer 
, he suffered , and now i suffering without him , as you say the loneliness is awful , i did not mind being in my own either as I knew he would be coming home ,but not anymore .
This life is just torture .
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@Carly , I don’t think I could ever move , even though this house will never feel like a home . I used to like to keep it so clean and tidy , now I just wander from room to room as if I’m looking for something ,or someone . I have no heart in it , my heart is definitely with my husband . Your so right this trying to live without him is torture . Xtake carex
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