It’s been over three and a half years since I lost my wife, Norma. Our children live far away, and I live in a very remote area. Due to an illness, I can no longer drive, which adds to my feelings of being lost and lonely. I want to move to be closer to family, but the cost is simply too high. As an older adult, I find it increasingly difficult to cope with the solitude, especially since I spent the holidays alone. Norma and I were married for a long time, and her absence is deeply felt.
Bill
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way.it really is difficult liviing alone if you cant get out and about.
Perhaps family dont realise how you are feeling
Bill sorry I haven’t responded to you I’ve only just seen your message. I feel very remote too as I haven’t much family and if my niece doesn’t text me every day I feel so isolated
Bill
I know how you feel. I miss Roger so very much. It was just the two of us. Life is unbearable at times
Please use the site. People on here understand very well
Hello Bill
I don’t think anyone that hasn’t been where we are fully understands what we go through. I am finding the loneliness the worse part of grief but to be honest it really doesn’t matter if I am with family or friends i still feel the loneliness without him. I am sorry you are so cut off not being able to drive must add to your feelings of loneliness it has taken away your independence also. Do you have neighbours or a friend that could maybe take you to a bereavement group or any social group. How are you managing things such as shopping does someone do that for you. I hope your children call you regularly. Mark died 6 months ago so it’s early grief for me, i don’t believe i will ever recover from the grief, but i want to have a life beyond the grief eventually.
I live about 14 miles from the nearest town, and my children live even further away. I have my shopping delivered. Once a week, on Thursdays, I take a one-hour volunteer-driven trip into the town to enjoy coffee and conversation at a café and to pick up fresh items I need.
So sorry for your loss and the loneliness that it has brought, I I am in a seasonal holiday resort and soon I shall be surrounded by tourists but I shall still be lonely as for many of us being lonely is not about numbers of people it is about not having meaningful connections. I could feel lonely at rush hour stood on a train platform. You have it tougher as you don’t have this superficial company and I feel for you
I keep looking at ways to keep occupied and look at things I have never had a previous interest in or considered, last night I was looking at metal detectors of all things !
Anyway just wanted to say I hear you, glad you have posted and hope this group can provide you with even a small comfort.
Try keep busy My friend
Hi.
I’ve joined this community today after reading posts that help me to feel less isolated in my grief.
My partner of 28 years died in August and I can’t believe that almost 5 months have passed since then.
I got through the funeral and sorting through the necessary admin as if it was all happening to someone else.
I got through my grandson and my son’s birthdays by focussing on them and trying to make it not all about him not being there and the pain of our loss.
Then it was Christmas and our children wanted to come home and for us to be together. So, I cooked, shopped, wrapped presents and put up as many of our decorations as I could bear, even though my heart was breaking more and more with every bag and box I opened, thinking how I had no idea what was ahead of us when we packed them away together last January.
I see friends, I go for coffee and everyone tells me how well I’m doing .
But I’m not.
When I’m at home, especially on weekends, I cry and struggle with such physical pain. I still can’t believe he’s never coming back and the life we had and the life we planned is all gone.
It’s not always like that and I feel comfort and close to him at home. But when it is, like today when I haven’t been able to get out of bed, I feel so alone. I don’t want to call my family or friends every time I feel like this. What can they do or say? I know they care but they are grieving too.
Reading your posts today has really helped me to know that other people may understand and are there for each other.
Thank you x
So sad and sorry for your loss. Like yourself I joined because at least I am amongst people who actually truly know what this journey is like.
Friends and aqaintances dont, last week I had My 3rd “are you ok now”, “glad to see your better” type greetings.
It is as if some of My friends have put a self imposed time limit on My grief period, which looks as though it has now expired.
I no longer feel guilty if I have a duvet day,If I am having a bad day I just take the path of least resistance to get to the end of that day
I am sure joining the group will provide you with at least some comfort
I can hear from the posts I’ve read how much understanding, empathy and acceptance there is between people who have lost their partners. No one else can truly understand.
Everyone’s grief will be different but we, as partners, are the only one experiencing the loss of their “other half”. The person we would talk things through with most openly and turn to for comfort and true understanding is gone.
I’m so grateful that my children and other family members and friends all have their partners to love and support them but, I don’t think they can fully understand the difference between being on your own/living alone and feeling alone like we do. As others have said, it isn’t about being with other people, it’s how we feel being without our partner.
That’s why I don’t call anyone. I worry that I’m hiding my struggles but I don’t want to be the person calling in tears every weekend. I tell people if I’ve been struggling but after 5 months, I get the sense some people think I should be feeling better by now.
I think you are right about giving yourself permission to just get through the day. I’m still in bed but feeling like I’ve connected with friends here.
I’m the only person in my friendship group whose partner has died. I wouldn’t have been able to imagine how this grief feels before it happened to me.
I seem to be going backwards. It’s nearly 5 weeks now and I’ve been in shock but today wow as it hit me. I was supposed to be meeting friends and I just couldn’t get out of bed to go. My dogs have been whimpering to go out and I’ve just no energy. Stack of ironing and no incentive then found amongst it Sels shirt to iron. He decorated our Xmas tree…we collected a bauble from everywhere we visited…little did I know he wouldn’t be taking it down with me. 24 years with mum and dad and 45 with Selwyn …never had a day on my own. Friends and niece have sent their usual texts then getting on with their own lives …niece having new carpet delivered if only I was….snow here today and I particularly started our holidays late this year so we could enjoy some cold days snuggled in the house. 19th Jan is my 70th and I’d booked a meal out…the family still want to go but il be alone without Sel
Hi Whisky
I share your feelings. My husband died in September 2024 and it was my 70th birthday in January 2025. I couldn’t face the planned birthday party with family and spends and so I spent it with my dearest friend and her husband. I just didn’t feel like doing anything, let alone celebrating. Take care
Hi Whisky.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I can hear how shocked you are feeling and how difficult it is being on your own after so many years together with Selwyn.
I am still having days and moments when my partner’s death hits me and becomes very real. I think our brains won’t let us properly absorb the what has happened for a long time as a way of protecting ourselves. It’s still early days for you right now. Nearly 5 months on, the shock carries on catching me out. Even though the truth is gradually seeping in, it still doesn’t feel real a lot of the time. On my coping days, I wonder if that’s my brain’s way of giving me a break and blocking the truth for a bit so I can feel some positivity.
It sounds like your friends and family are keeping in touch but seem to be getting on with their lives in a way that you can’t. I also find it hard to feel properly connected in my family and friends lives without my partner to enjoy their news and special occasions with me.
Be kind to yourself and only do the things that you honestly want to do and feel you can manage. This is a space where you can talk things through and know that you are not alone.
Sending big hugs.
Thank you both ..it’s so hard …I never ever thought Sel would go before me…friends had only just been saying that they couldn’t believe he’s 70…his mum is 88 this year if I could have just had another five years with him…this passed five weeks I feel like I’ve gone from a young 70 year old to an old 70 year old if you know what I mean…I’ve always felt young at heart and confident with Sel by my side…it’s poured today so I’ve stayed indoors..if Sel had been here we would have walked the dogs bathed them and laughed about getting wet
Hi Whisky, I thought the same of my husband Mark I never thought he would go before me he was only 60 and I am 70. I like you have aged so much in the last 5 months, i look in the mirror and i do not recognize myself I can see the grief written all over my face. I have little incentive to do anything, I love to paint but haven’t touched it since Mark died. I am trying to keep busy, sometimes it works. It has to get better, right?
Sorry for your loss l know what your going through l would like to tell you it gets easier well that’s what everyone is telling me but l haven’t got to that stage yet take care xx
IM SO SORRY LOST MY HUSBAND ABOUT 9 WEEKS AGO I LIVE ON MY OWN HAS MY THREE CHILDREN LIVE ABOUT A HOUR AWAY AND THEY HAVE THEIR OWN LIFES TO LEAD AND JOBS ROB AND I HAD BEEN TOGETHER 37 YEARS LAST SEPTMBER NEVER APART HE DIED 4 DAYS AFTER MY 60 BIRTHDAY HE HAS LEFT A VOID AND THE NIGHTS AND MORNINGS ARE DIFFICULT TO COPE WITH WHEN I COME IN FROM WORK HE USED TO BE SAT IN HIS NORMAL PLACE ON THE SOFA BUT NOW WHEN I COME IN ITS SILENCE
I can hear your pain in your words Sandypaws.
It’s so hard to show your children just how alone you feel when they have their own lives and are also grieving the loss of their dad. I struggle with balancing my need for comfort with supporting my children and protecting them from the rawness and pain of my own grief.
I sometimes call out hello to my partner when I come in just to remember calling his name.
Sending you a cwtch x
Hi Bill. Maybe you can speak to your children about it and see what they think. I am sure if they knew how you was feeling, they would want you to live closer to them. Sending you much love. I am glad that you still go out eveb if its for a little time. Xxx
Good morning Hawks. I fully understand how youare feeling. My husband fell ill at Xmas 2022 and died September 2023 after a brave battle. I live in a village but am lucky to have friends here. My son lives in Dorset and he fell ill in November 2025 with the same thing that killed my husband. I prayed so hard and they were answered. I spent new years eve with him and although still weak he is on the mend. I swear my husband was watching over him. Loneliness is real and to try to combat it I rescued an old dog. He keeps me busy as he’s blind and deaf! I spend my days mostly watching TV or writing my journal. Since my husband died I haven’t picked up my cross stitch hobby as there seems no point to anything any more.