When you have spent over 50 years of your life with the same person how do you move on ? I met mty late wife at school aged 13 and knew one day i would marry her but to lose her at 64 has killed me i no longer have a life just an existance with lonely days and lonely nights full of tears. How do i possibly move on ?
Sorry to hear off your loss.
It is hard no matter how many years we are together for me it was 35 years married but 37 together. 50 years is a long time together and is most of your life together so it is hard. My husband was 63 and it was sudden and unexpected so hit me very hard 6 months age. Like yourself i find we exist in an alternative universe.
Some days i think im doing well but the wave hits and i realise i am not.
Moving on is hard think we just cope now to get through the days and nights easier i do hope in the future this is true.
I now realise life is short we dont know whats around the corner. I take a day at a time now. Grief comes and goes i just let it happen now.
Christmas and New Year is just another day without them same as any other day.
I will be spending on my own with my memories and thoughts of other years when he was here.
I hope you manage to get through these times.
Lots if people here to listen and guide you
Look after yourself and take care.
@aloneat64 i wish I had the answer, because I’m almost the same age as you and knew my husband for 48 years.
I look ahead and can’t see much hope. 10, 15 or 20 years without him, how will I do it?
Thank You Galaxy75 i just wish i was more positive now my loved one has gone but for me my life ended too god bless you and take care x
Some days I think it is awful but I hope that it won’t be forever. I am told it does get better in time.
I wish i had the answers how to go on but i know my life has no importance anymore my Wife was my rock my friend and someone i adored without her theres no point carrying on i wake up each morning and i pray to the good lord to bring her bad sadly reality prevails and agin im on my own WHY ! I ask endlessly alas i get no reply!!
Aw … @Galaxy75 same as me …married for 35 years . . Together for 37 … how do we go on ? I miss him every second of every day ? I know people say to move on, but move on to what ? A life alone ? Great ! Just what i always didnt want … i was never really interested in a career - i just wanted to meet somebody to love ! I hope i can meet someone else one day ? I started getting friendly with a guy who was a dog walker like me and he is really nice but with all this awful weather i hardly see him anymore i just dont want to be by myself for rest of the life i have to live… xx
I know missing him is hard.
Dont know the last time i spoke to another guy since kevin passed away maybe once
So it must be nice to even just chat to someone. It is nice to have a conversation about general things too.
The thought of spending my remaining days alone makes me sad. I didnt want him to leave but he did dont think he wanted to i fear for being on my own but currently dont think i want someone to take his place. So i guess its learning to like my own company for now.
Oh life is what it is dont know what’s ahead for all of us but wish everyone happiness hugs and love
Enjoy every moment
Yeh you know what @Galaxy75 thats what i said. It was nice to talk to a man my age he seemed a really nice bloke too tbh , but i not seen him for a couple of weeks. He lives quite near me and just got chatting to him one day walking his dog. What a life for us now it truly is … our husbands didnt even realise how hard it was gonna be did they ? and i know they didnt do it in purpose but its such a hard road for us now. Sending you big hugs xxx
@Deb5 , they really didn’t know how hard it was going to be.
But mine said you’ll be ok in time and eventually you might meet someone else. Then he said if it was the other way round I wouldn’t want anyone….
I don’t want anyone else, I just want him.
It’s a nightmare
My husband said that to me too … you will be ok. But were not are we ? Its really hard … men totally underestimate themselves dont they ? And how much they actually mean to us x
I knew my husband from when we were 5. Had a few years apart growing up but spent over 39 years together. He told me that he wasn’t frightened of dying as he knew we only had weeks together but was frightened of leaving me and the kids alone and that i was to promise i would cope. I miss him every day but have joined various groups, so i meet other adults just to be able to have a conversation. It is so nice. Look up U3A in your area, and see if anything in at the local library or community centre just to get out of the houe for an hour, it makes a difference.
Yes and as soon as I did I feel terribly ill. Now I wonder if it was worth it to feel so ill.
I kinda knew I would and only did what thought was worth feeling ill for as covid is rife. I just have to cross fingers I wont be left worse off.
I had not mixed much inside for not thinking it is worth it. But then felt so fed up.
Yeh there’s always stuff going on around here tbh and lots of walks with my puppy when its nice weather … but you know - nothing takes away the sadness we feel … no matter how distracted we are … ive tried it … will.look it up though … i also do voluntary work each month and keep up my husbands allotment but all these things are a massive effort when youre still grieving for the man you love …
I tried to keep up my husband’s allotment too but I feel weary now. Someone suggested voluntary work and have always kept it up to some extent anyway but it is too much preparation at the moment. My husband used to take me to buy stock. He used to help. I look after grandkids so that is a stretch and is voluntary work. But nice. I could take a turn helping with teas or producing a quiz.
But I am carer for adult autistic son with no help at all. So want me time.
It’s been nearly four years now since I lost my husband to Covid. What I have learnt is that you never move on - you learn to live with the pain and sadness of grief. Everyone is different with how they deal with it day by day, but once you get to grips with the fact that it is never going away, somehow it is easier to learn how to cope with this. Personally I find this time of year extremely difficult as everyone wants to be happy and jolly - why wouldn’t they? However for me I just can’t be happy and jolly. I put on an act for my family but can’t wait to get home and just watch telly. Anyone who has lost someone they love and just gets through the day somehow is very brave and full of courage. This getting through each day does get easier but the sadness and grief will always be there. Love to you all.
My wife Jacky passed away almost six months ago and each and every day has been an absolute nightmare full of pain,loss and a strange inability on my part to fully accept that she really isn’t with me anymore and she isn’t coming back.
I have just returned from the same routine that I have followed every day since she died,this mainly involves walking and then sitting in my car at our favourite spot where in nice weather we would sit on the bench overlooking the sea,or bad weather again sit in the car.
Most days something will provoke the tears,this brings the pain in my chest and leaves me unable to even speak so I hide because I don’t want anyone to see me and ask what’s wrong. Jacky literally was everything to me so I didn’t need friends,didn’t need to join clubs and never ever had any regrets at not doing so. Sadly this now leaves me very much alone in learning to live without her although over the years she did her absolute best to get me to develop a network of friends and supportive family.
This leads me to your post ! For me it provides hope that one day just like you I will learn to cope in a less painful way,again like you I’m finding this period around Xmas rather difficult to cope with because as you say “why wouldn’t other people wish to be happy and jolly,” and again like you I put on an act when I see or speak to anyone. I’m always left feeling that a reply to the question of how are you isn’t a reply they want to really hear.
Finally your last sentence gives me hope because I simply cannot envisage the rest of my life being what it is now. When Jacky died everything changed,my life and everything within me changed because the person I love and live for,the person I lived to protect isn’t here anymore and so now I live on this strange planet where everything that made sense has been taken away from me. You are so so correct in that anyone getting through a day of grieving must have a level of courage unknown to those who have yet to live this experience. Take care and thank you for your comment,it helps me.
Completely agree with everything you have just said !!! We were the same - didnt need anybody else ! Im a year into this on saturday and its peaks and troughs it really is … highs and lows against a backdrop of general misery ! I hope it gets better … god i hope it does x
These days I normally get out of bed in the morning and say," good morning," to my wife and then " another shit day in paradise," to myself because where I live really is beautiful, strangely enough when looking for a property Jacky found this one where I live. Hope you are coping as well as possible and the people where you live being a bit nicer.
Thanks yeh ! Lol … know what you mean ! They’re funny buggers around here ! I think i will move ! Just having a look online at places at moment ! Don’t even know where i would move yet ? I got a fab neighbour but theyre generally just funny sods around here ! I never known people like them ! Very set in their ways ! Jeez thats all you need in a situation like ours ! X