Hi folks, I feel so out of sorts today, so lonely, I miss Andy so much today, I don’t know why it’s not a special day and I’m crying over nothing but I miss him, I miss he’s arms around me telling me it will be ok, I just miss him
Hello honeybee. I have been sitting like you for the past couple of hours just thinking about my husband. It is his birthday today and it is two years since I last celebrated it with him. He was in hospital at the time but I was still convinced that I would bring him home. Your loss is still so very raw and I remember sitting for hours doing nothing in the early days. You have had a bad shock and you need time and space to adjust and sometimes just crying and sitting still can help. I am sure there are hundreds of people on here who are doing the same as you who need time to think before breathing out and getting on with it. I wish I could give you words of wisdom but I don’t have any just do what you feel like doing , don’t apologise. I hope you feel a little better later on.
Hello Honeybee, Sundays can be miserable at best. As Florence so rightly says, just crying and sitting still is all you want to do, or can do. Five months on, I still do that sometimes or have a sudden burst of uncontrolled tears. Just heard Bob Dylan on the radio and they started. As they keep telling us it’s all part of the grieving process and like a slow moving conveyor belt we somehow manage to inch our way forward. Trouble is the destination is so uncertain but we must keep going. Sending love and a hug x
I’m sorry you are having a bad day today. I do the same as you and just sit, look at old pictures and wish he would walk back through the door. You’re not alone in feeling as you do if that brings you any comfort. At the moment I am doing a jigsaw to distract myself but again your mind drifts and your heart isn’t in it really.
Some days really will be write offs and there isn’t much to do about it except wait them to pass and know another day will come when you do feel a bit better.
Thinking of you today
Hi all - havent posted since June but today really sucks. Yesterday would have been mum’s birthday, Thursday is the second anniversary of the day dad died, then next Monday is the 4th Anniversary of the day my husband died and the Thursday is the 4th Anniversary of the day mum died. I really hate this time of year and Ive been crying most of the morning. Now I’m shattered and have stomach ache. I guess I hoped it would be easier this year but no. Floods of memories triggering so much pain. And I can’t even go to a friend’s house for a hug. I can’t talk to many people because they just think it was two years since my last bereavement and I’m just feeling sorry for myself and they just act like its a competition over whose life is worse. And I’m sorry but just now, at this time of the year, just for one fortnight, I don’t have any patience with their petty dramas. I just want to be with people who understand and this is the only place. So I guess what I’d say is you are still at a REALLY early stage in your grief and it takes as long as it takes. The gaps between meltdowns get longer and you get more life in between, but don’t let anyone tell you that you should be 100% within a particular timeframe. It’s not their grief and they have no right to tell you how it should go and when it should stop. It does what it does and it takes what it takes. And if that means a duvet Sunday so be it. But remember ‘one day at a time’ and ‘this too shall pass’. Feelings come and go. I hope you have a better Monday. Stay safe everyone x
It’s nice that you have returned to the site but I’m sad about your reasons for returning. These major events are always going to have a significant effect on us and you have more than your share at this time of the year.
To me, your post has been a mixture of depression and inspiration. Depression because I am only 5 month along this grief journey and it still affects you greatly after 4 years. So not a good outlook for me. But inspiration because it makes me realise that I’m never going to beat it so sooner or later I have to accept the bumps on the journey and get used to them and eventually they won’t feel so bad.
I hope Monday is better for all of us. AL x
I just want to say I’m sorry you are feeling so miserable today. I am still at the stage where I have bad days and not so bad days but never good days. Finding things I don’t mind doing does help but I haven’t found anything I really enjoy doing. Gardening comes close, but without my better half it’s just not the same. It’s the same with cooking… I ask myself who am I doing this for? Me, but I don’t really care anymore as long as I eat. In fact all tasks feel the same as there is nobody but yourself to appreciate them. The situation we find ourselves in is truly overwhelming so we just need to take it a day at a time.
Take care, AL x
I feel so lonely everyday since losing my Mum 3 years ago,and my Dad last year,somehow i get to the end of another day,but dread the mornings,i know how you feel,hope to speak on here,Take Care,Lucy,xxx
A Long Tim Coming, how much pain and grief should one person have to shoulder? My heart goes out to you but I so wish there was something we could do to help you through this terrible time. Yes. a massive hug would be very welcome, if only! Have you had any counselling at all, I keep banging on about it on here because it’s really helped me. And they don’t put any pressure on you to be “over it”, sometimes a non judgmental ear can make such a difference. I wish I could do more than send love but sorry that’s about the best available to us at the moment. Thinking of you and hoping you manage to get through it all. xxxx
Honeybee and Lucy, hate us all to be so sad and not be able to help. Thinking of you and sending love and support xxxx
Dear @aLongTimeComing, I am so sorry to read you have been unwell again, the last time I wrote to you in July you had thankfully improved a lot. Hopefully once these difficult two weeks are over you will once again see an improvement like before. Take care.
Hi Honeybee–Losing our loved one leaves such a void and nothing can fill it .The deep feeling of that loneliness is so overwhelming when it rolls in. Please know that you are not alone and I want to send you strength and love x
Hi Bjane thanks for your response yes I had CBT. Which helps me get through most of the year so I only feel like this once every few months, but it doesnt change the fact that they are all gone. So when these feelings come so strongly I just have to accept that today is going to be a bad day and not fight it. In time it passes and I get up the next day and get on with life. In between life is good, I have friends, real friends not the fakr ones who turned away when I wasn’t making them happy any more. I do classes, voluntary work, I have a job, it’s all OK. Anniversaries just suck.
A long time coming, what a good philosophy, your situation certainly puts things into perspective. We are lucky having true friends, we don’t need many , just the real ones . Sending admiration and love xxxx
Dear Al, I haven’t been on line for a while — but I was relieved to see your message, giving out feelings of compassion and maybe some encouragement too. I have been trying to get along without my wife all summer and keeping myself busy doing all the things to keep the home spic and span (at most of the time). I remember your words of encouragement earlier this year - especially your name. Thanks Al, I know all you Britishers care about people. I hope you are doing well, and keeping a stiff upper lip (no pun intended), I do appreciate all you folks on this site, as I guess we’re all in the same boat. It’s coming u on a year since my lovely wife died suddenly === I miss her as I’m sure you do too! Thank you for remembering!
Thanks Herb for your kind message. It looks like we are both handling life in the same way. I am also keeping busy (although I don’t always feel like it) and keeping the house spic and span and the garden tidy. We are doing this whilst desperately struggling with the loss of our beloved wives.
It’s nice to see you back posting on this site again so please continue.
Warm wishes, AL
Herb and Al, what lovely men! I take my hat off to you both, keeping the house spick and span for your lovely wives, they would be,or are, depending on your beliefs, so proud of you. I seem to be the reverse of you two, finding it hard to be bothered now Malcolm’s not here. Will take a leaf out of your book and get myself motivated ,let’s hear it for the boys!! xx
Dear bjane, Thank you for the nice compliments for Al and I. It’s appreciated - thank you for noticing. Well, I do what I do just to keep occupied, and somehow, I’ve gotten used to it too. My wife used to like things organized, she was very good at it too. I just kind of followed along - didn’t want to get lazy either. I always had little projects as well as take care of the grass and outside chores. Since her death, I gradually took on keeping things up to her standards, but At least I try. She was very precise and kept the bills and expenses on time. Her plants were dying - I jumped in and made efforts to save them (except one), that is. I guess you could say I do this in memory of her. Of course, my life has changed a bit since. I do miss her, so I do what I do in her memory. On the other hand, there are days when things get ignored or out of place, but I find myself making efforts to improve it all. Thank you again for the pat on the back! Have a good day!
Hi Herb and Al can I also join in here and say that you two are an inspiration. You are making that effort even when it is hard but to have a nice house and garden can also make you feel better. I bet you like to look at your lovely homes all spick and span and it makes you feel pleased with yourself that you have managed it. Plus it has kept you occupied. What does it matter if you have a lapse from time to time. Again well done lads.
Hi Herb, as you say, you do what you do in her memory, and also respect. My dear wife was a very diligent person and she had some good philosophies in her day to day life:
A place for everything and everything in its place.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
Happiness is NOT having what you want, but wanting what you have.
So as you can see, I have large boots to fill.
Thank you bjane and Pat for your kind comments to Herb & I.
Warm wishes, AL