Longing...

I took our dogs for a lovely walk by the river today. It was beautiful with the breeze gently blowing through my hair. It actually felt good to be alive. But oh, how I longed for my husband to be walking by my side, my hand in his. To feel his big rough hands wrapped around mine. The longing grew more intense as I sat on a bench watching couples and families out together. It’s times like this when the longing can become unbearable. Damn it, I miss him!

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Bless you, Kate. I feel your longing. So, so difficult treading this path. Your David will have been there with you for every step, I’m sure. I bet he misses you equally as much. I understand though some days that thought isn’t enough. We want them so much in the physical sense don’t we.

You are an inspiration to me and, others too, I would say. You do amazingly well bearing the sadness and grief each day. I learn a lot from your comments and posts. Remember Kate, David died but he isn’t dead and one day he’ll take hold of your hand and won’t ever let go again.

Sending love and prayers for you x

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Dear cw13, thank you for your very kind words. So early on in your grief and yet you still find time to comfort others. I try to be positive and I think I am but of course I have moments of lapse. I hope you too are gaining some comfort from being a part of this forum. Thanks again cw13. Sending love xx

Dear Kate, I too have felt the very same longing, as you. I felt the pull to be outside yesterday, as many did along the coast, close to home. It was there that my husband and I would feel totally content together, even if we only had 5 or 10 minutes to spare. It was his place he always said he’d like to go, throughout his illness. Yesterday was the first time I went alone. It became unbearable…but I’ll be back…maybe that’s where I’ll find my sweetheart again…it’s foggy today and reminds me there’s never two days alike. I thank you for sharing and hope your Sunday is kind to you, x

hi Kate it hurts doesnt seeing all the couples laughing and joke and holding each other wewere like that then its gone wish people would treasure what they have before its to late x take care of yourself x jo xx

Hi Crazy Kate, cw13, Rainbow and Jo. I’m so sorry for your losses and really feel for you all. Reading about you all is like looking in a mirror. My hubby Chris left me in October 2018 after being diagnosed with cancer in February 2018. We were together 30 years and have two children aged 21 and 23 who are away at Uni. We were always out walking or cycling or doibg other mad things. I miss a wink across a busy pub or his touch on my shoulder as I walk through a door. I would do anything just to hold his hand or touch his face. On Monday it will be our 25 wedding anniversary and I feel so cheated. Why do older people get to walk around with there partners and I don’t!
I am fighting back and try and keep as busy as I can. I’m a young 52 and go cycling with a girls group. 65 of us are going cycling in Majorca in a couple of weeks. Last week I played rounders and went open water swimming in a reservoir. I think Chris will be looking down at me and saying go girl. Today I got a tattoo of me and Chris scuba diving. We are holding hands and it’s lovely to look down and see him on my arm. Today is a good day but I never know how I’m going to feel from one moment to the next. I only know that I have to keep going as best that I can. I wish you all a peaceful night Xx Miki x

Dear Kate ,I feel for you.Ive been in hosp and things been going wrong since I lost my husband in July.2018,The day I was ready to go down for the operation ,my mind was ,I can’t wait to be with him.I wanted to die.But it didn’t happen ,it wasn’t my time.I open my eyes ,there stood ,one of my DAUGTHERS ,tears rolling down her face.I joked with her,and she said ,Mum I saw your face before your operation ,I knew what was going throu your head.Mum Dad didn’t want you to die ,You must show him ,your stronge and you must live life to the full as he would if he had the chance.He loved life, his family and you Mum.I miss my husband too.

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hi miki i had a tattoo if my Darrells finger print in my arm i kwep going into the frobt room whete he passed and asking why !!! this isnt real it just isnt x jo xx

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I haven’t trusted myself to go out today because I’ve been crying all the time.
Four months now since my husband died suddenly and in another country.
I couldn’t go because of my chronic illness.
I still haven’t accepted what’s happened.
Love to you all x

im sorry to hear about your husband sending love to you xx jo xxive had a crying night to night my husband Darrell passed away at home from motor nuerone disease i fought to keep him alive long enough for our 2 children to say goodbye but i wish it was me that had gone and not him he had so much love to give he was perfect x jo xx

Hello I know how you feel. I lost my David nearly 6 weeks ago after been together for 46 years. I do miss him so much it’s sometimes unbearable. It seems there is nothing to look forward to anymore. People say you got your Grandkids that’s true and I love them dearly, but they haven’t got time so see me very often. It’s going to be a long hard road. Sending you a big hug.

Yes Marleen ,I too have two granchildren,like you I don’t see them unless I go to Australia.We both love our families but it’s that special need ,A Man that’s been by your side 24/7,husband ,best friend,your everything ,the laughter you both shared ,your lover.Its going to be lonely for us all.My husband passed away 7months ago .My needs and loneliness gets worse.big hugs my friend.

Jo ,it’s so sad for you ,I too cared for my husband ,53 yrs together,20yrs care and love.A special man like yours ,I wished ,I died for him,as he loved life, Such a special Dad ,father,grandad.He loved his family ,and I was his Queen .big hugs to you Jo.

Dear Stezaker, I am so sorry to hear you have lost your husband; such a sorrowful and emotional time for you. I lost my husband sixteen months ago and still haven’t fully accepted what happened. This is just the start of your grief journey. I feel the loss has to be borne as your feelings dictate. When you cry it is your way of expressing the hurt inside; sometimes they bring on exhaustion and sometimes they leave a calmness…let them flow. I realised it’s not beneficial to think I must be brave or be ‘out there’. This will come but gradually. I understand that having a chronic illness will have brought about so many difficulties for you. There’s some wonderful people on this forum who will listen and offer advice from their own experiences, if needed. I hope you have some support from family and friends…there will always be someone here to chat to, including me. Just reach out…kind wishes, x

Absolutely Jeanette, people say oh it gets easier with time. I am thinking how can it specially when we grew old together laughing about our forgetfulness, planing every day together or even watching telly. Now all we got is silence and empty chairs and bed. How on earth can you ever get use to that. I don’t want to be called a widow. I keep my wedding ring on my finger until the day I die. I like to send you a big hug

Darrell passed away 6 weeks today at 9.02 am every sunday at 8.45 i come and ait in the room where he passed at home and talk to him tell him im sorry i couldnt save him that i gought to keep him alive how much i love and miss him i just cant breath x jo xx

Hi Jo I am so sorry and I can feel your pain. As yourself I lost my husband not long ago and miss him every minute of the day. I find it very hard to come to terms with. There are lovely people in this group who know exactly how we feel. It helps to share your feelings. Sending you a big hug. Merleen xx

So true Merleen,There are so many people that’s so caring ,and sharing there hurt of losing ,partners,mother,father,etc.We must share and talk to each other,It wouldn’t take the pain away ,but to know there is many that needs to talk to strangers ,all in the same situation.many may heal throu it ,and many wouldn’t.
But it’s good to speak amongst each other.sharing be hug to all ,whether in the group,or just passing.Jeanette.xx

hi Merleen
thank you for taking the time to message me im sorry to hear about the passing of your husband xx have found some comfort knowing im not alone
take care jo xx

Hello Jo, I was interested to read that you say sorry for not saving your husband. I too apologise to Brian everytime I talk to him. I worked so hard for ten years, I must have been a real pain. I was so strict about diet and lifestyle. No help from the NHS, but we was winning the fight alone. Where did it all go wrong, where did I go wrong. I keep telling myself not to beat myself up, it’s in the past. I was told I had performed a miracle but that’s no compensation now.

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