Lonliness

[Cheeky]

Hi ive only just lost my husband of 38 years i feel so low

[AnnR]

Hello! That’s understandable. It would be odd if you didn’t feel sad. I am three and a half years into widowhood and it is hard. You do learn to cope though, truly. I will never get over the death of my wonderful husband but when I feel down, I try to remember how lucky I was to have him for so long.
I hope you will learn to accept your situation and make a new life for yourself as best as you can.

[Vancouver]

@Cheeky - my dear, I am so sorry to hear that your husband of a lifetime has died - this is very, very hard at any time, but at this time of year, it must be horrendous. You have come to the right place, as all of us here understand the pain, the sorrow, the loneliness of partner and spouse loss. It is hard and we are all here for you. Keep posting and know that it does get easier in time xx

[Boo2]

I know how you feel I lost my partner six weeks ago and this is the first time in thirty years I’ve been on my own the feeling of loneliness and anxiety is the worst thing to explain I don’t think I can carry on without her for much longer I have no friends or family and because of childhood abuse it is impossible for me to be ok with men my partner was the only friend I ever had

[Deb5]

I lost my husband on 16th december last year so i know how truly awful it is to lose man you love at this time of year especially ! Heartbreaking ! I was married for 35 years - he was my everything ! X

[Galaxy75]

Hi
So sorry to here of your loss.
Most of us on here know what your going through and it is heartbreaking and hard to deal with.
None of us wanted to live this life we now find ourselves living in.
Friends and family come and go but in the end we have to learn to love ourselves as being on your own instead of a couple is our new norm. Learning to make new friends can be hard when we have lived for each other and never needed anyone else.
Take care
Lynne

[Deb5]

Yeh you do start to make friends slowly dont you ? I made some in summer … some lovely people tbh who walked their dogs also but i haven’t seen any of them recently because of this awful weather ! I think in the end making new friends is the way to go ! But in those still moments our lovely husbands come into our thoughts xx

[Galaxy75]

Hi @Deb5
Yes having to join groups etc to meet new friends.
I am also looking to volunteer next year which will also help.
I dont have a dog but i know you meet other dog walkers when your out too
Will be glad when christmas and new year is over as spending this one on my own so different from last year but hopefully going forward planning to do some travelling.
However you are spending Christmas i send you hugs to get through the day
Lynne Xx

[Deb5]

Yes maybe do some forward planning ? Although way i feel at moment dont wanna forward plan … feeling very down in the dumps tbh x

[Galaxy75]

Hi @Deb5
Sorry to here your feeling down.
Could be this time of the year plus another weekend before the C word.
I now take Christmas as just another day like all the others we have got through since he passed away.
I have been tested the last year my husband passed suddenly in June my mum has dementia and had to go into care home in Dec. My husband friend passed suddenly in Dec also suddenly.
I have managed to get through ovarian cancer 3 years on Jan 2024. Still on 3 monthly check ups but doing ok do far.
I take a day at a time and sometimes i get upset and sad but i will not let it get me down anymore. Life is short .
For my husband and myself i will keep going even although sometimes i feel like i dont want to.
Try to remember good times and happy memories to help get you through the bad days.
Sending hugs Xx

[Deb5]

Yeh @Galaxy75 it definately is this time of year. It was my first year last weekend and makes me remember how much i loved him i loved him so much and for first time in our lives we could do whatever we wanted and had a bit of money … and then he goes at only 60 years old so sad … trying to look forward but its hard to isnt it ? And youre right we have to.try be happy as life is too short but.i feel so sad … how can you be happy with nobody to share it with ? Xxx

[Galaxy75]

Hi @Deb5
Sorry woke up early.
You have said what a lot if us now feel.
We miss our partners who we loved so much and life now will never be the same.
Having time and money but no one we want to spend it with except them but cant is heartbreaking
I want to travel by solo holidays do not hold any pleasure but if i want that then i have to br strong and go on one.
I am lonely if i stay home and i will be lonely if i travel but i will meet new people along the way. My daughter here does not understand or help me now have only seen her once since he died in June this year no phone calls or texts for over 3 weeks.
I do understand she has her own life to lead but it still hurts no one understands this pain unlesd they have gone through losing someone close. She just was never that close to her dad unless she wanted help or money. Guess she forgets how much he helped her out over the last 25 years. Oh well family cant live with them !!
I would like to set up somewhere a club or b@b or hotel where people like ourselves could meet to talk chat have coffee just be ourselves but have a place to escape to when it gets upsetting and we need to have own time.
I think having someone to talk to text etc helps and you must never feel you are on your own as people here are always a text away .
Look after yourself it is important remember
Sending hugs
Lynne Xx

[kwears2001]

It’s only natural I lost my husband of 32 years two weeks ago and I am lost without him you will feel low for me it’s like being in shock sending hugs from one on the same journey.

[Galaxy75]

Hi @kwears2001
So early days for you just now.
Shock disbelief everything so raw new to you just now. We were married for 35 years and together 38 years. He passed 8th June just over 6 months ago. 1st Christmas without him so on my own this year but unfortunately this is like every other day i have go through on my own now.
This is not something any of us wanted but now the journey alone is so new to us.
Please feel free to text or contact other’s on this website we all know what you’re going through some of us are months years down the line but we can listen or text back so you are never alone but i know early days you feel that way.
Please take care of yourself and any help given from family and friend’s to get past the earlier days.
There are special days when you feel that are more heartbreaking anniversaries birthdays but Christmas is just another day.
Take care
Xx

[Sososad]

It’s horrific isn’t it. But just let yourself get through it day by day week by week. It’s been 4 months for me today. Still hoping he’s coming back. It’s hard

[kwears2001]

Thanks for your reply and it’s so recent for you and yes the feeling of suddenly being alone is terrifying at times I also moved counties to be near my sons so new house area everything but I feel off balance I know it’s because he’s not there do you feel the same as if something is missing. I am lucky that my sons have been wondering one went with me to register his death yesterday . I hope you manage to get through Christmas especially being the first for the both of us alone and if you need to talk I am always here .

[Galaxy75]

Hi @kwears2001
Hi Kim
Me too i am here of you want to chat text.
It is strange but at least you have your sons around for support.
Early days and the first months you are kept busy dealing with funeral and paperwork.
Moving house would also be stressful for you too.
My daughter is in Australia so a move there would be so different for me after being in Scotland for 66 years of my life. But who knows whats ahead anymore.
Take care
Lynne Xx

[kwears2001]

Hi Galaxy 75 I lived in Cornwall for 66 years myself now in Hampshire so that’s strange . I have a daughter in New Zealand who tries to support.

[Boo2]

I find it strange that men and women are treated differently when it comes to grieving it’s always been hard for men to open up about how they feel but when a man does open up about how much they are struggling with loosing a partner I don’t think they get the same support as women I think we both deserve the same support it’s the same for both of us we both suffer from anxiety loneliness and the sleeplessness and feeling hopeless wondering how to carry on without your partner my partner was my carer and the only friend I have ever had she passed away nearly seven weeks ago we were together for 30 years and I don’t know how I can carry on without her two weeks after her passing I attempted to take my own life the mental health team said it was a cry for help it wasn’t because I genuinely wanted to join my partner every day I am feeling anxious and lonely but with no friends or family to turn to don’t know where to get help from I have been told about groups that are available for support but they mainly run by men and because of childhood abuse it is impossible for me to connect with men sometimes I put how I am feeling on site’s like this and never expect to be heard or for anyone to get in touch but it is a way of me letting people know just how much I am grieving

[kwears2001]

We are here for you you might feel alone in this journey and it’s sad to hear you have no one to support you through this but together we will find a way through this hard time for us all . It doesn’t help with all the Christmas talk but there is support for you on here and other places just be kind to yourself and rest and remember the memories you both have made together and come and tell us how you are doing .