I lost my husband of 55 years 13 weeks ago. I am really not coping very well. We were always together since his Parkinson’s diagnosis 2 years ago. I have never been one for going out without him and apart from my son I don’t really see anyone. I’m a bit of a loner at the best of times.
I really can’t see a life without him.
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I lost my partner to colorectal cancer 6 1/2 months ago
I am also a loner and have essentially cut myself off from the world and become very anti social - largely or I could exclusively say by choice, as there was no end of drama with her family in the aftermath and decided I needed to cut all toxicity from life if I was going to cope
I don’t have any real answers for you, just I know what you’re going through.
Everyone going through this is hanging by a very thin thread and you have to do what’s best for you to cope and avoid and excise any and all toxicity.
There’s no playbook for this unfortunately or magic switch
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Thank you for your reply.
I am sorry for your loss, like you said we all have to go through the grieving process but I am finding it gets harder every day.
I suppose we all have regrets and things we wish we had done differently, I know I have,
The worst thing for me is that people assume I am getting over it. The first week or two I did have messages and phone calls asking how I was but now nothing.
I can’t ever imagine ever smiling again or even being the same person I was.
I am sure time will never heal this, only make it different.
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She was diagnosed in July 2022 with stage 4c colorectal. Had massive operation that initially seemed it had got all cancerous tissue, but pre chemo CT showed it was now in her liver
She passed 24 June 2023.
I spent nearly a year fighting it, even took her to India to get specialized treatment on her liver, but it was too late
All I have are regrets - if I’d just been a bit quicker in getting diagnosis, replaying last 2/3 years of every time she was a little bit sick, did I miss a red flag or a sign
No one understands unless they’ve been through it, which is even more isolating as you just don’t seem to be able to fit in anymore.
People either have advice of how you should be dealing with it, with no frame of reference, or act as if you should be over it a couple of months on
You also, in my experience, have to deal with who should still have a seat at your table and who should never have been there in first place - a lot of time complete opposite of what you had expected
“You will move on with time” also annoys hell out of me - you never move on. You can adapt your life and live around it through necessity, but never move on.
There’s a stick in sand - life before and life after and the two will never be same
Not very helpful I know - guess those are the cards we’ve been dealt and it’s sink or swim
Try stay strong and do what’s best for you
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I understand exactly what you’ve saying. I lost my wife of 25 years last friday. We did everythig together . Once the funeral has been and gone I will be totaly alone. What to do?
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So sorry for your loss, it’s an awful time and nothing can prepare you for the emptiness. I was told after the funeral I would feel better. How is that possible? People try to be kind I suppose but the words mean nothing.
I would never have believed just a few months ago that 2024 would see my so desperately sad and lonely.
We just have to try and move forward but I find it impossible to contemplate moving on.
My very best wishes to you and I hope all goes well.
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You seem to be writing exactly how I’m feeling. I’ve never felt anything so bad.The family will be going back to work which will make it worse. Please keep in touch don’t worry about the time
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I will keep in touch and I hope the funeral goes as you hope. We had a very personal one which was filmed. I didn’t want this at the time and it has surprised me but after a couple of weeks I watched it and now it helps me every day. I feel so much closer to him.
I know what you mean about everyone going back to work and life carrying on but we can just take baby steps, one foot in front of the other and get through each day.
Best wishes
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Hello
I feel exactly the same
My wife died 7 weeks ago from MND
I can’t seem to focus on anything or feel any positivity
It’s so hard
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So many sad people going through the same heartache. Maybe one day someone will be able to share some hope that things do get better.
I am not a very nice person to be around at the moment, I am so angry , lost and lonely and I’m sure people are fed up with my tears but each day I tell myself I will get through this somehow.
My thoughts and best wishes go out to everyone who is feeling this awful pain.
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I don’t know if joining this site is making it worse,
Ok I’m expressing my feelings but today I’m feeling really low.
Depressed anxious I hate it. Nothing is helping
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MIMMI
I’m sure you are a nice person by the way you are chatting with people. You must bot put yourself down. Just keep in touch please
Les49
You will not cry forever, the tears will slowly fade.
I’ll live on deep within your hearts,
In the memories we made.
I wrote this for my husbands order of service and I hope it helps, I know it did for my family.
Keep your spirits up
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Lovely words.
Thank you.
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When I am feeling down I write poetry and it helps get my feelings out. Maybe you should try it. It doesn’t have to be poetry. Sometimes just words might help.
I felt a lot worse after the funeral that’s when it really hit me before I was in shock and had everything to organise.It’s eight months now and doesn’t get any easier.
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I hope you have had a reasonable day, mine has been very weepy. I just wish there was a miracle cure.
I don’t know when you are having the funeral but I will think about you each day.
LyndaK
I am so sorry to hear you are still feeling so bad. I had hoped that in the months to come things would get better, a little anyway.
I suppose the length of the pain is only to be expected when you lose someone you love.
I have never experienced anything like this and I find it so hard to just be a functioning human being right now but it has only been a few weeks .
Take care
Mimmi
Having a bad day . Only just had death cert.Arange funeral fom there. Thank you very much for reaching out to me,it means so much Les49
‘‘ All the words of wisdom never seem to end the pain all the words of wisdom sound the same “ Christopher Cross