I My husband was lying next to me in bed, when he started making a“snoring” noise. I turned him over and he was staring eyes wide with no expression on his face. I screamed and called 999 and began CPR. It was an still is an image I will never get out of my head. I keep blaming myself. Could I have tried harder? could I have seen it coming? He was 51 and about to do his 4th Ironman. I hope he didn’t suffer but that is all I think about and his eyes. I don’t want to be here anymore and I feel so guilty because I have 2 grown up children who are amazing and also in pain.
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Dear Lind101, I am so sorry that your husband died so young and suddenly. My husband (65) died also suddenly I thought he had a heart attack but it was advanced kidney cancer which was never diagnosed. I also felt guilty thinking I should see the symptoms (I had different cancers before but they were always diagnosed in time and all in stages 0 - 1), but when the doctor did not even pick up anything how could I ? Kidney cancer is a silent killer. I suppose your husband had a heart attack during the night and there was nothing you could do. It is not your fault and please do not feel guilty. It also seems that your husband looked well after himself and did a lot of sports. You can be so proud that he was doing these Ironman competitions, something I think he truly enjoyed. And it is good that you have your children looking after you, so it seems you are a close-knit family. You can enjoy your memories together when you feel it is right to exchange your memories and the pain is not so raw. It is important to have loving support in these lonely times. Sending love and hugs.
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That must have been so tough…clearly there is nothing you could have done…do not blame yourself…
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Thank you, I appreciate your message. It was found he had congenital aortic stenosis which we had no idea about. Life is full of what ifs, we should have been, why? My head just keeps spinning and I want it to stop. 
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Thank you. It’s so hard not too.
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Dont blame yourself. Sue had pancreatic cancer which had spread to her lungs and liver but i can’t help feeling i should have been more aware of the symptoms and done more for sue
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I think we are blaming ourselves because death came so suddenly, painfully. unexpectedly and we are feeling helpless and left behind without any answers why all this happen to us and our loved ones. Sending love and hugs.
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Dear linda101 my husband also died in front of me just as the paramedics came through the door they turned him over onto his back and he also had that same staring expression and bubbles coming out of his mouth cus he couldn’t breath that still haunts me and always will because I couldn’t save him from it I wish it was me and not him I also don’t want to be here anymore I’ve also got 2 grown up sons but I can’t shake the feeling of getting to my husband he’s all I think about day and night I can’t wait to be with him it’s so sad you feel the same I’m so sorry for your loss cus I feel the pain your feeling sending a big hug feel free to message me anytime x
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I feel exactly the same. I can’t function and just want to hide away. The thought of living the rest of my life without him is unbearable. Sending you hugs too. I’m so sorry that you feel the same way it’s awful. X
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I think you’re right. He was absolutely fine when we went to bed then bam. He was gone. I can’t get my head around it and keep thinking he’s gonna walk through the door. Sending hugs to you too. X
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@Lind101 I am so sorry that you lost your husband. I lost my husband suddenly at Christmas. I went to work on the Saturday and Sunday I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I did CPR on him. He had his eyes open also and was cold. I was screaming for him to come back. He was 53 years old. It must of been such a shock for you and you are most probably still in shock. You might have PTSD also. Life is so unfair and cruel. I wish I wasn’t here but have a 22 year old son which I can’t leave. Sending lots of love and hugs xx
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Why is life so unfair?? I am walking around in a daze. Your experience is so similar to mine. I was also screaming for him to come back and still think about it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Love and hugs to you.xx
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I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my husband suddenly. He was 59. We had got up in the morning and he thought he had indigestion. He even joked hope I’m not having a heart attach. I laughed and told him don’t be daft. The feeling went and then within an hour came back he went to the bathroom, was sick came back and said he felt dizzy. I told him to sit down and he said he felt scared. (This haunts me). I was busy phoning an ambulance when he had a cardiac arrest. He also made that snoring noise and rolled his eyes to the back of his head. I gave CPR. He had to be resuscitated 3 times. He never woke up and had severe swelling to the brain. He died two days later. I feel guilty that I didn’t act sooner. That we just didn’t consider that it could really be a heart attack. That maybe it could of been prevented if we had gone straight to the hospital when he we thought it was just indegestion. The image of him and his eyes are in my head and the last sounds he made. That was nearly 9 weeks ago. I miss him so much. I am so sorry that you and everyone else is going through what we are. Life is totally unfair. Glad your children are amazing and giving you support. Sending hugs x
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I
So sorry for your loss and what you also had to go through. So many have had similar experiences. I hope you also have the support of your family/friends.,even though we know the only person we really need/want are our husbands and that’s the hardest part. Sending love and hugs to you. X
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Lind101 thank you. I do have great support from my family and close friends. And my grand children keep me going. It’s great we can chat on here though as people on here understand all the emotions we have. Take care x
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I am so very sorry this has happened to you and your family. My husband died suddenly last September when we were at work together at a campsite. I used a defibrillator and CPR, as well as getting help from other campers. It took 45 minutes for the ambulance to get to us in the Highlands, but the minute I found him with his eyes wide open and bubbles coming out of his mouth, I think I knew he was gone. I still have that image in my head and will never forgive myself for not being able to save him. Please take care everyone. It’s hard, isn’t it? xx
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@medenview
Please try not to blame yourself and feel guilty, {easy to say}, but it sounds like you tried so hard to save him. The shock must be unbelievable for you.
My husband passed away in hospital. I knew what was going to happen but even so, it was still a terrible shock when he passed. I left him for a short while as I had eaten nothing all day and felt sick so and I popped to the canteen which was next to his ward He was very peaceful when I left him. His sister was with him and I said I won’t be long. Within five minutes of me leaving the room he slipped away. I still ask myself why on earth did I leave, I should have asked someone to get me a sandwich. I too feel guilty ,I should have stayed with him.
It is so very very hard but I take comfort in the fact that I knew he knew how much I loved him.
Sending hugs xx
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’m so sorry. I feel exactly the same. The guilt is unbearable and i’m always thinking could I have done more? This group is a big help to me even though it’s awful we are going through an horrendous time. Sending you hugs.x
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It’s hard for all of us. I think it’s because, before this, we could usually fix things when they went wrong and this is the one thing none of us could fix, so we feel somehow responsible. It’s irrational and illogical (we aren’t doctors or miracle workers) but we can’t help how we feel. Perhaps one day, we will all realise that we did what we could. Love and hugs to everyone struggling at the moment. xx
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@medenview @Lind101 I feel so much guilt also which is unbearable. I didn’t notice that my husband was so ill. I wasn’t with him when he died and when he got him CT scan appointment I changed it from the Thursday to the Sunday as my husband had just started a new job and had 2 appointments that week already. I didn’t realise that it was a urgent referral and when I told my husband that I changed his appointment he was fine about it. He never made his appointment as died a few hours before his appointment. He had a post mortem and died from a rear saddle pulmonary embolism and kidney cancer which was in both kidneys and had breach the kidney which was sitting under the blood vessels. If I hadn’t interfere then they might of seen the blood clot and he could of had treatment for the kidney cancer. I really wish I wasn’t here as the guilt is terrible. I feel like I unintentionally killed my husband 
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