I sit here wondering today how do you move on with your life when you have lost a big part of it. I find myself not wanting to do the things I used to do. It scares me sometimes because I am anxious about moving on. Are these normal feelings. I feel that I’m not that happy girl lucky person and I used to be where I wanted to go out and be around people and socialize. I have done some things but not what I used to do. Sometimes I wonder is my anxiety holding me back? Why does it feel like a scary world out there without my Theo in it. I think my anxiety stems from not grieving the way I should. Sometimes holding the tears that I feel bubbling up while I’m at work, then when I get home I still hold back. I tell myself be patient this is a process and then other times I am so impatient and want to do the things and feel the way I used to be and I get so frustrated with myself that I am not. I have to admit I have always thought that I could control things, and that does not make any sense but I can’t control grief and sometimes it makes me so frustrated. I am getting invites now to do certain things I accepted a couple for next week but I’m nervous about it and I ask myself why? It’s because I wear this false face and I don’t want anyone to really see how I feel inside. Anyone felt like this and if so how do you deal with it?