It’s 8 months now since the loss of my 28 year old son. Everyday it just gets harder, the pain is just overwhelming
Hello @Gill1960, I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I noticed you are new to the forum and I’m hoping find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
I would like to point out a long-running Sue Ryder thread that has been a source of help and support for people in a very similar situation to yourself: Loss of our son aged 27 Please feel free to join the ongoing discussion there.
I’m not sure if you are aware but Sue Ryder also offers a free bereavement counselling service that could be helpful for you. If you would like to find out more, you can do so here.
Keep reaching out and please know that we’re always here for you.
Dear Gill, I’m so sorry for your loss of your beloved son. I lost my darling daughter Katherine 4 months ago. The thread Mick mentions has been a source of great help to me and many others. You will find truly understanding friends there.
I am another parent grieving the loss of a child. My beloved son died at the beginning of April. I still can’t believe it, although we knew his illness was terminal. I have known grief before - my husband died suddenly 16 years ago and I was heartbroken. Two years later, I lost my sister to motor neurone disease and I miss her terribly. But the grief I feel following the death of my son is overwhelming, it’s a whole new level. He was my child, my beautiful boy.
Not only do I feel sad for myself, I am desperately sad for his lovely wife and his two children. He was a devoted husband and dad. Now they are bereft. And I’m sad for my other two children, as they loved their brother so much and are suffering. We all loved him. We don’t live near each other, but we keep in close touch. We are trying to support each other, but we are so wounded.
I think the loss of a child is the worst pain anyone can bear. We have to be strong, we have to keep going, we have to honour their memory. My son was the sunshine of my life.
Yes, the loss of a child is a whole different dimension of grief.
They will always be your child, your baby, whatever their age, and you feel as their mum you should have been able to protect them. Although we would give our own lives for them sometimes we are faced with this awful reality that we were helpless when it mattered.
So yes, we have to honour them and their memory. They would not want us to give up on life, they want us to remember all the years of happiness, the good times we all had, and the love that nothing can ever take away and that will last forever.
Sending you and your family love
Hi Gill - sorry to hear about losing your son, it’s so sad to lose your child. My daughter died in January and it’s the biggest and most painful thing that has happened in my life. I’ve lost parents, a partner and friends, nothing came near it for sheer heartbreak and yearning. I’ve been on here for a while and talking to others who’ve lost a son or daughter has been a help. I hope it helps you too. Sending you warmest thoughts and keep posting. Xxxx
Hello Susan - so sorry to hear of your loss and grief. There sometimes aren’t any words but I think it helps to come here and share with others, we all support each other. I send you my very best and you are sure to get support here. It can be helpful to talk to others in the same awful situation. Sending you hugs and I hope you keep posting xxxx
Thanks Nell, and all of you who responded. How do we go on with this huge sorrow in our lives? I wish I had some wise words. All I can say is, we have to take deep breaths, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and summon up our courage.
Losing a child is the wrong way round - they are supposed to outlive us. It’s so hard to accept that this has happened. My son was a lovely man, he was always good to me and he adored his wife and children. Now we have a huge chasm in our hearts.
Those of us who have lost a child have such a heavy burden of grief to carry. I find I am tired all the time. I hope we can support each other and know that we are not alone in our suffering.
I sit here wondering today how do you move on with your life when you have lost a big part of it. I find myself not wanting to do the things I used to do. It scares me sometimes because I am anxious about moving on. Are these normal feelings. I feel that I’m not that happy girl lucky person and I used to be where I wanted to go out and be around people and socialize. I have done some things but not what I used to do. Sometimes I wonder is my anxiety holding me back? Why does it feel like a scary world out there without my Theo in it. I think my anxiety stems from not grieving the way I should. Sometimes holding the tears that I feel bubbling up while I’m at work, then when I get home I still hold back. I tell myself be patient this is a process and then other times I am so impatient and want to do the things and feel the way I used to be and I get so frustrated with myself that I am not. I have to admit I have always thought that I could control things, and that does not make any sense but I can’t control grief and sometimes it makes me so frustrated. I am getting invites now to do certain things I accepted a couple for next week but I’m nervous about it and I ask myself why? It’s because I wear this false face and I don’t want anyone to really see how I feel inside. Anyone felt like this and if so how do you deal with it?
Dear Racy, I am so sorry you are feeling so anxious. Grieving is different for everybody, but it’s a heavy burden to carry. I understand about holding back tears, sometimes we feel we have to, and sometimes when it’s OK to cry, we still don’t. At other times it’s overwhelming. I don’t know how long ago you lost Theo?
I haven’t any answers, I wish I had, but I believe we have to keep trying to get through the day, do the best we can. It feels like a scary world out there because we have had such a shock, such a sad experience, we have lost someone we loved so much.
I hope you have friends you can talk to. I hope that your pain will gradually ease. I wish you well. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you for the response. I lost my son in October of 2021. I was in denial until February 2022 before I started to grieve. I am doing much better and the pain has eased alot. It’s just that one hurdle I really want to get past.
Hiya Racy - I think you might be doing a lot better than you think you are. I think the anxiety is ‘normal’ after such a big loss. The world is a tough place to cope with for anyone in these dark times and on top of that you have lost Theo. I’m only doing social things that I think will be easiest for me to manage. If the thought of it makes me anxious I don’t force myself. There are things we can avoid but others we are stuck with. For example I think you said in other posts that you are back at work - that’s no small achievement yet you have managed it. Honestly, you are trying to come to terms with possibly the hardest thing in life. Anxiety is a nasty bully at the best of times, but for a mum who has lost her child it can be an even nastier bully. You don’t have to do anything socially unless you feel up to it. There’s nothing wrong with saying thanks but I can’t make something. You don’t even have to explain all the whys, it’s good enough to say I’m doing something else. That something else might be concentrating on your own well being, that’s a very good reason to be kind to yourself. I’m going to a bereavement group today. It’s a nice group with lovely people but I decided to have a duvet day last week so didn’t go to that meeting. I’m going this week but if I feel awful next meeting I won’t make myself go. Social stuff is supposed to be enjoyable, if you don’t feel up to it, it’s def ok to politely say thanks but no thanks. Put your own welfare and feelings to the top of your agenda. You deserve it. You don’t have to be superwoman, it’s ok to be you, a lovely mum who has lost her boy and trying to find her way. Like all of us on here, you are doing the best you can. It’s ok to do it in your own time. Sending you hugs and a reminder that you are coping if you look back over time, you are doing ok. That’s good enough. Xxxx
Totally agree, Nell and Racy.
There’s no rule book, we do what we can when we can, and have to trust our own feelings to take us forward when the time is right. No one else knows what’s right for us. Be who YOU are and you will get it right.
Much love, Ann xx
Thanks for all the helpful, thoughtful comments.
Living with the grief of losing a loved child is the hardest thing anyone has to bear. Let’s keep encouraging each other and moving forward, taking the love we still feel for our lost loved ones with us. xx
Hi Jill I only joined yesterday I lost my daughter Leah in Jan this year I’m totally broken and devastated as you are I already feel a little better knowing that all these people on here are experiencing the same overwhelming feeling s and emotions as you it’s a long hard rollercoaster road we are on but please keep writing and talking on here sending you my love and hugs Michelle
Hello Shellyanne, I am so sorry to learn you are going through the sadness of losing your daughter. It is an unbearable grief. I’m sure you think about her all the time.
We are coming up to my son’s birthday (on Sunday). This was always such a happy day, now it’s another hurdle to get over. (He died at the beginning of April). We are going to meet up as a family to honour him and support each other.
We get through the days one step at a time.
I send warm and kind wishes to you and to everyone else on this site. Peace and love xx
Thank you it means alot her graduation day was yesterday and they honoured Leah with her graduation certificate and shouted her name out I’m so proud of her she was training to be a nurse bless her she was an excellent care worker and an excellent mum I just love her and miss her so much XX
Hi Susan AHH bless you yes I know what you mean we laid her to rest on the 15 Feb this year and it was her 26 th birthday on the 6 th of march so we all went to the cemetery and sang happy birthday and let loads of pink balloons off with all messages on them from family and friends there was around 300 people at her funeral and the nurses who trained with her came in uniform to pay their respects the next get together is around November when their new headstone will be erected as she is buried with my other daughter Katie I know these are hurdles are crucifying but we have to get through them the best way we can it’s just so hard my thoughts and love will be with you keep strong if you can XX
Hi im sad ive lost my daughter 18th dec. My world is torn apart. She was 34yrs and left behind her 4 lovely children and 19yrs special needs little sister. Her sister justs attended her fathers funeral 2 weeks previous. Ive never felt so much pain. Losing my precious child as destroyed me more than anything.
Im so sorry to hear about your loss of your daughter, i too lost my 34 year old first born daughter in June of last year and like you it tore my world apart, i struggle with each and every day, my daughter had a little boy who we now are caring for, i just dont know how to deal with the pain of losing her, the waves of grief come out of nowhere sometimes, the only thing that keeps me going is my grandson.