Losing a most precious person in my life.

Dear AKM, I understand every word that you write. I can echo everything you write. I am further down the line of time, and it does help to soften some things. Do not give up. You are not alone in all of your pain and grief. I send you lots of love and support.

3 Likes

Oh my goodness, you just can’t describe how you’re feeling to people who haven’t endured this, this oh this hateful hateful feeling can you? :hugs:… … as time goes on people say you need to get back to “normal”, get some structure “it’ll do you good to think about something else” … well please hear this peeps … I don’t want to think about anything else … I’m going back to work, only part time but still, tomorrow it is … Dr said I needed to wait until the new year but I work for a charity in a small office of three of us so feel I must ”woman up” … seems to be getting worse not better … my eyes are half open and aching with crying today … good job it’s computer and phone based work :upside_down_face: thinking of you and wishing you the strength I was miraculously given by someone somewhere for my husband’s funeral … not sure where it came but thang the good Lordy Lordy as looking back to six weeks ago tomorrow I am able to be proud of the job we did … together … forever together xx

3 Likes

So sorry to hear for your loss 89love and Sar4.
This platform given me so much peace. People keep telling me this is normal what you are going through, it will get better and life move on!! OMG I do not want to move on, I would like to move forward with my love, It is not easy to understand grief until you loose someone you love most, regardless either you been together for a short period or 100 years. The loss of your love one can not be forgotten, and they always be with you.
I would like to send all of you my biggest hug and love, and thank you sharing your grief, it really helps.

1 Like

Hi AKM
So sorry about your beloved David :pleading_face::broken_heart:
Thank you for sharing and talking about your grief.
As well as my grief for my Jacqueline I have her dog to look after to and he’s hurt his leg and I had him at vet yesterday and they have given him some pain medication,he can’t walk properly and I’ve to take him today back to vet to get X-rays to see if it’s ligaments or hip damage….
This is my Jacqueline’s fur baby and she made me promise before she passed that I’d look after him🥺 I’m completely distraught he’s hurt himself and don’t want anything to happen to him I’m sitting up with him through the night as he is very restless….
This is just adding to my grief :broken_heart:I feel completely helpless with our dog as I did with Jacqueline and he illness,if anything was to happen to our Buddy :dog2:it would finish me off.!!
I went back to work only 3 days after funeral to try and keep busy but I feel I’m not ready but being home the silence is deafening with this empty soulless place​:broken_heart: I feel over these last 3 years losing Dad Mum Jacqueline and now Buddy being like this is getting all to much now.:cry:

4 Likes

Oh I am so sorry to hear about your loss and now about Buddy. We will keep buddy in our prayers and wish him well.
Sound like you are going through a very tough time, God give you strength and we all here to help each others.
Please let us know how Buddy is doing.

Aw … i know what you mean … can get all too much cant it ? And you start getting paranoid that youre gonna lose everything you love !!! I hope your dogs ok ? Keep us updated xxx

Oh bless you … this is a double whammy of awfulness for you :smiling_face_with_tear: Buddy is your wonderful connection with Jaqueline … Really thinking you and wishing you well…, Teddy (our dog) is my rock … understanding in his great big furry way so I “get” totally your grief, anxiety and upset for both of you … Really hope things improve and trip to the vet isn’t too harrowing … God bless, Sarah and Teddy x

1 Like

Omg…reading your post is as if I’ve written it myself! I lost my partner of 24 years on 29th October…2weeks before you. We were inseparable, he had a sudden severe bleed on the brain causing a severe stroke with no chance of recovery. It all happened so quick by the time i got to the hospital he was practically unconscious. My life is completely shattered, im full of guilt as there was nothing i could do. I sat with him in a closed coffin for hours, not believing he was in it. The funeral was last Monday and im just waiting for his ashes. I talk and write to him every day and then just sit on the sofa…just lost, i literally don’t know what to do. We didn’t have children together, so I’m here alone. I have friends but they all have their own lives and families and don’t want to be a burden as I’m so sad. I go for walks just to try and stop reliving that dreadful night and the following day’s. I know exactly how you’re feeling… I’m even in bed by 7.30 watching tv as no point in sitting downstairs alone. Iv no idea atm how I’m going to rebuild my life . Xxxxx

5 Likes

I was recently sent this TED Talk by a well-meaning friend that you may also find helpful. I’m going to invest in one of the speaker’s books as they have good reviews on Amazon. :heart:

https://youtu.be/khkJkR-ipfw?si=Zbjnkkrf1giowiXa

1 Like

I TOTALLY understand where you’re coming from here - since I lost my husband 3 weeks ago, our dog has literally saved my life (I was suicidal one night and he comforted me and made me realise that I couldn’t leave him when he’d already lost his daddy). My hubby & I were always cuddling and now I cuddle Archie (even in bed). He has been SUCH a comfort and I, like you, would be in a very delicate situation if anything were to happen to him. I am thinking of you and Buddy and sending good energy your way. Hoping he is feeling better soon because he, too, will be grieving (I know my Archie is). :heart:

I’m really sorry for your loss Sable, you absolutely right, I go to chapel and sit with him everyday, today I burst into tears, he is not supposed to be in a coffin, he meant to come home, he told me not to take him to hospital, they won’t let him go home. When admitting consultant asked him after the review if he has any question, he asked, so when can I go home!! He said Monday, we still waiting for that Monday.
He meant to be at home and telling me what to do and getting ready for the Christmas.
I’m still in shock what happened and where my David is? I go from bedroom to office room, then back again, calling him and asking where are you hiding? Like you I go to bed early, so be with around his pillow, have his photo there now and talk to him for hours and then don’t know when and how fallen into asleep.
I feel completely lost without him around me. His funeral is on 15th and I’m not looking forward to that, at least I can sit with him, touch him physically, I don’t want to loose that connection.
I can feel your pain, you are doing the right thing going out for a walk and just keep talking to him, like he is with you all the time.
Sending you lots of hug.

3 Likes

Hi AKM… I’ve been thinking of you as your circumstances are so similar to mine…I just hope you’re ok x
I got some anxiety pills from the doctors to help me through ‘the day’…I think they worked…I must admit, I took more than was prescribed, but I found an inner strength and got through the service.
Just remember we’re all here if you need to talk xxx
I’m collecting Jimmy’s ashes tomorrow…I just want him home… not in the way I’d hoped but I’m hoping it may give me a small bit of comfort :pray:
Take care xxxx

3 Likes

Hi AKM I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved wife Alison on the 3rd of November this year and her funeral was on the 22nd.
Like you I talk to her every day, every night and when I’m walking I reach out to hold her hand. I cry, a lot, and the whole thing still doesn’t feel real.
I visited my wife several times in the funeral parlour, I took in an outfit she had made and we did her makeup and jewellery. I also wrote her a letter to take with her, and photos of our 4 grandchildren too.
I held her hand, kissed her forehead and lips and cried, but just didn’t want to leave her all alone.
I can only say, stay strong and reach out for support from family, friends and professional support too.
I don’t know what lies ahead but focus on giving him the best send off you possibly can. I made sure we celebrated my wife as she would have wanted, with bright colours and flowers. I picked our music, the song she walked down the aisle on our wedding day. We made a photo montage and it was a very beautiful but emotional day. My heart is broken and I grieve for her every single day.
I hope you can stay strong :broken_heart:

3 Likes

Hi Sable thanks for your message. I would not use any meds at the moment, I have to be alert and active for him, organising the funeral and drive everyday to him, but if have to will keep in my mind.
I really appreciated your support and I find my peace here with all of you.

Hi Stuandali I am so sorry for your loss, love hurts so much when we lose our beloved.
Today I visited to funeral chapel and they explained what will happen on that day and showed me around, tbh it was just too much, I had to leave and got in my car, cried and cried, I’m not supposed to be doing this.
I have chosen hymns and songs for the service, his favourite hymns with his photo video on a screen.

This is all feels not right, feels I’m still in a sleep, my mind just won’t accept that he is not here!
Keep watching all his photos everyday, first time ever I recorded his last birthday for some reason, just two of us, now I watch it everyday.
I lost my appetite completely, just do not feel like eating anything without him, never done before, started to feel low and down, been unwell for the last a couple of days, severe ongoing headaches, feels so week, I’m really struggling at the moment.
I feel your pain and wish could give you a big, but a big hug coming towards you, we are here together and supporting each other.

2 Likes

Thanks AKM, that is so nice. I miss my hugs every day.
I think you need to eat and drink and the headaches will ease. I went for two days running on adrenaline when my wife had her heart attack and in hospital. I didn’t want to leave her and didn’t want to eat either. One of the nurses told me to go home, have something to eat and get some sleep. After 2 days I had a really big slump and had to eat.
You will need all of your energy to get through the funeral as it will be a very difficult day.
Keep taking to your husband and take comfort from doing this.
I talk to my wife every morning and night and have a cuddle cushion I hold on to with her picture of her and a poem my son and his partner gave me. I cried when I read the poem too. The words are amazing.
I’ve send a virtual hug back to you. Take care and stay strong.

5 Likes

I jusr have a cushion still in my bed that he used when he was poorly … i always give it a cuddle when im missing him … thar cushion is beautiful though xx

3 Likes

That’s beautiful, thank you so much sharing this to us.
It’s lovely the way you had this on a cushion.

2 Likes

You’re welcome AKM.
I had no idea, it came as such a beautiful surprise the same day I got to hold my new granddaughter for the first time and who is named in my wife’s honour.
The cushion is a fitting tribute to my wife and I spray it with her favourite perfume and talk to her and hold her.
I’m sure she is watching over me and I believe she guided my granddaughter in to this world after a very complicated labour for mother and baby. X

2 Likes

Aw … lovely story. My daughter is due a baby, a boy in march and i hopè, i pray, he looks a bit like her dad because thar would give her so much comfort. She loved her dad so very much, she always was a daddys girl :slight_smile: poor kid losing her dad at only 34 ! :frowning: sad times for many of us xxx

3 Likes

@AKM … ive been thinking of you a lot as your circumstances were similar to mine. I know this weeks going to be so tough for you. You WILL find an inner strength to get you through the day…I did and truly believe it was Jimmy giving it to me. Stay strong… you can do this and he will always be with you and guiding you.
I came downstairs on Sunday morning to find a photo of Jimmy on the kitchen floor… it had somehow fallen off the fridge where it had been attached by a magnetic. Definitely a sign he’s with me. Sending lots of love x

2 Likes