Thank you Sable, you absolutely right, funeral is on Friday and I’m getting a bit apprehensive and emotional. At the moment I’m seeing him everyday but now I’m scared won’t be able to see him after Friday, almost like loosing him again and that’s just killing me!
The other things in my mind playing up, he is for cremation and a thought of that making me worried, it’s gonna hurt him!! I know body is now an empty shell but still feel terrible. He mentioned during an odd conversation that he would probably preferred cremation but I objected at that time, thought when you buried, people can visit and sit with you, he replied now you can do everything with ashes, including personal jewellery or keep at all the time or just bury and have a memorial where you decided to be all your life. We did not discussed further or come to any conclusion then.
Now when they asked me suddenly, I did not know what to say or do, and said cremation all of sudden, don’t know why but because he mentioned this to me before, thought this is what he would have preferred. I don’t know, now it’s all done but I’m keep asking have I done the right thing, making me confused and nervous, would he be happy with this decision.
Need advice please if I have done the right thing!!
@AKM …I believe this is where he’s guiding you. I had Jimmy cremated and collected his ashes last Thursday… he’s now with me at home. I think, if you’re buried, and looking many years down the line… who would attend and maintain his plot if you were unable to?.. I go to my nan & grandads now as my parents are in their 90’s … but there’s so many that are just overgrown which makes me sad as no one now goes. I have Jimmy’s ashes, so can decide whether to scatter them eventually, intern them and I’ll join him one day, or even keep them until its my time and we can be scattered together…again it’s something we never discussed as didn’t even imagine this would happen! To know he’s with me is sort of comforting. I talk to him all the time… sometimes i think I’m turning into a nutter! Bu he’s still with me.
I had a big uncontrollable cry this afty… then the doorbell went and it was my neighbour wanting to check i was ok!.. she cheered me up, but again something told her to come round at that very moment. He won’t leave you. Keep strong, you can get through Friday and we’re here afterwards when you need to talk. It’s not easy, i feel like my world has stopped where everyone elses is still going, but just have to keep going xxx🙏
If he wanted cremation you done right thing and followed his wishes xxx
@AKM …also, where i had the service was in beautiful woodland as Jimmy loved the outdoors and wildlife. During the service there was a deer outside the big glass windows/doors and rabbits!.. it was a if he knew and approved of the setting. In the woodland there’s lots of memorials… I’m having an engraved wooden birdbox pot up on a chosen tree. He’d love to know its giving a home to wildlife and that will also give me somewhere to walk. I’m also going to a bereavement meeting tomorrow in a church near to me in the hope it’ll help… I’m a bit nervous about going… but will give it a try 
Yeh hope it goes ok at bereavment group … i tried one and i didnt really like it - it just made me … . but didn’t give it a chance as only went once … but anything that helps is worth it for you especially in early days ! I find this forum the best xx
I was advised by one of my friend that once everything settled down, I should attend bereavement counselling!!
Someone else said today that Dave wants you to get on with your life!
Whenever I spoke to anyone trying to tell me I need to think about myself, you have done everything.
Everyone giving me advice, not asking how I’m actually? And it’s ok to feel like that. No I haven’t done everything, I have not stop loving him and will never and I’m happy with that, if anything keeping me alive is my love for him and my grief, and I love it.
Grief is not a process, it’s a journey, which I have to do on my own first time without my love but I know he is with me in every step and carrying me.
I have writing letters for him for Friday which I will put in his jacket pocket with our photographs.
Vicar asked me to write things about him for the funeral, and I was like from where to start and tearful all the way, one of the hardest things I’ve done. “ Gosh pain of losing your love and soulmate hurts so much”, never knew!!
For me you guys are my counsellor, because I know that you can understand and on a same journey.
Yeh it is so hard and heartbreaking … sure is …yes people don’t seem to think about how you feel do they ? And you grieve as much as you need to ! Cry as much as you want ! Its probably too early for counselling tbh for you anyway yet but maybe later on. Sue ryder do online counselling you know. Bkess you and take care on this journey we never wanted !!!
Xxx
Hi @AKM As someone has said previously, he will probably have guided you on this. I prefer cremation because I can keep Paul with me and I can still hug him.
I’m spiritual but not religious, which probably affects my views on this a lot - but I believe that funerals are for the living and not for the dead. They are to provide closure and a chance to say goodbye. I don’t believe that Paul cared either way what happened to him after he died, what music was played, what pictures were used, what words were said. The only thing that he would have cared about was that his family were together for each other.
I have heard from several sources that a person does attend their own funeral in spirit (apparently they stand at the foot of the coffin) so I hope that it will help you to know that he is still with you, that he’ll still be with you afterwards and that (no matter what decision you made) it was the right one. 
@AKM oh my love I am so sorry for you . Everything you said reminds me of our close bond too . I prayed that we would have a long life together not him dying at 58 . My deepest sympathies
I lost my David in 2021. He was my world also. Ive just come onto this support today after riding some huge waves of emotions today. Take everyday one day at a time. There is no right or wrong rong way to feel xxx
Youre so right there is no right or wrong way 
im coming up to a year without him. Miss him all the time but i suppose gets less painful. I loved my old life ! Never wanted to lose him he gave me so much joy … xx
Hi Jol and Finchy thank you for your support. It’s hard and very painful to loose your love one.
We had a funeral yesterday and said final goodbye to my darling, Gosh it was just unbearable him coming home for the last time, our cat (Bubbles) got the opportunity to meet him, before taken to crematorium, she was very attached to him.
Today was the first day ever I did not go to him or hold his hand, seems very strange and felt totally alone now.
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore, had plans together, feel like has been robbed, everything taken away and now nothing left. We build our life together and it’s gone in no time. I can’t see myself up again, he has gone but taken a piece of me with him. I am honoured to be a part of his life and attached to his name.
Hi AKM, my wife’s funeral was 3 weeks ago. It was the worst day of my life as I said goodbye to her for the last time. I planned her final day as best I could and gave her the most beautiful send off with bright colours and songs and a poem I found in a box of her personal belongings she had written out herself. I had never seen it before and believe it was a sign from her to me. Also found the lyrics to her favourite song which played at the funeral along with the song she walked down the aisle on our wedding day. It was a fitting tribute attended by so many of our family and friends. It gave me some comfort seeing so many people there paying their last respects to her. She would have loved to have seen this I’m certain. Since then it’s been hard for me. I cry every day but with the support of close family and friends I’m trying to keep going. I know she is there watching over me and if I can offer any comfort it’s to say keep going and ride the rollercoaster of emotions. Keep busy if you can too and take care of yourself x
Hi Stuandali sound like a wonderful send off, your wife would be proud of you, but what amazes me is the poem you mentioned. When I was going through old photos and his diary I found this poem “ I am sorry I had to go” which he was keeping for many years, he showed me this poem probably over 15 years ago but I did not know he was still keeping it. Ravd read this poem in his funeral and everyone loved it.
Thanks for your support, everything at the moment killing me, memories everywhere, but I’m glad I have so many wonderful memories.
@AKM … I’m glad you got through the day… its 7 weeks tomorrow that i lost my Jimmy and 3 weeks since his funeral. I still cry uncontrollably every day… but look out for signs he’s still with you. Iv had a photo frame turned around the wrong way…a photo fallen off the fridge that was attached by a magnet… something on the bed that suddenly appeared on the floor… plus an amazing comment from a medium. He’ll still be with you, don’t ever think otherwise.
Each day you will gradually get a little stronger… I’ve just been with Jimmy’s best friend since he was 6 weeks old! I’ve heard some lovely stories… we’ve laughed and we’ve cried, but it felt like he was with us still.
Keep strong…i still feel so very lost too and can’t imagine how to rebuild my life, but guess it’s something we all need to do . We’re here if/when you need us xxxxx
@Stuandali @AKM i am so sorry for you both . The funeral is something we all didn’t want to face as it’s the most saddest day when it’s our partners . I got that worked up I was sick on the way home and for the rest of the day . I couldn’t believe my everything was gone . It seems even worse every day now . He would have been looking after me with this dreadful cough I have . How I miss him . My love and hugs to you both
I’m finding I am struggling more this week for some reason. I have been raising money for the hospital ICU my wife Alison spent her final days. I closed the page on Sunday and today I was going to take the money to the hospital but I just couldn’t do it. It just seems it’s another one of those “last things” I ever do for Alison and it hurts so much. I miss her more each day and with Christmas just around the corner I just can’t muster the energy to deal with it. I talk to her daily morning and night and many times during each day. I miss her 
Ots the christmas thing too … its do hard. Justvfo whstvyou hsve to do and go home straight away. That’s what i do !! Do you find people patronize you ? I do … i find them really patronizing because we are grieving ! X
Thank you sable and Jol.
Funeral day was like a final day of my life, I never cried during driving like that, I followed them bringing David home before go to crematorium, I could not believe and control crying at the front door, he supposed to be at home with me rather then coming home in a coffin. I felt at that time my life is over and there is no way I’m going to live without him any longer. Since then I have this feeling and joy of joining him soon as possible, I’m not going to commit suicide because he won’t be happy and I do not want this to happen, I want to be with him after! but I know my life is not gonna be as long as could have with him.
Since the funeral feels like it’s hurting me more and more and now I’m crying almost all the time, struggling to control my self. I keep calling his name, hoping might get answer or hear something, going through with his everything, going in every room searching for him!!
Now, his last moments, last days and weeks keep going round and round in my head and bringing all memories back, “ We were supposed to be doing this and that, going there, he was going to order this and asked to do that!”, like a non stop train of thoughts. He booked our usual country hotel for a romantic Christmas break, he has been doing for the last 3 years. I had to call them and cancel. It does not feel right, everything seems wrong, I was born to be with him, we’re meant to be together, now have done what I came to do in this world and have no wish to be hear, happy to leave anytime now to rejoin him again, I know he would be standing next me holding my hands.