I just don’t know what to do. I’m 28 years old and I’ve lost my mum who was diagnosed with cancer a year ago (she was 56 years old) . In the end after a number of treatments, some of which were too aggressive and some too weak - the doctors said nothing could be done. I’m at a complete lose. I feel like a part of me has disappeared and I just don’t know what to do without her. I keep thinking that she will still walk through the front door and ask me to make her a cup of tea.
Hello Nina.
I have no idea how to cope without someone so well loved. All I can offer is my heartfelt condolences and any support I, and others here, are able to give.
Stay with us for awhile, read what you can, people here will understand your pain and hopefully it will help you face your future which you may want to take hour by hour at first.
Hugs. x
Hi Daisyrose, thank you so much for your reply and your condolences. It means so much. I just don’t know how people carry on without someone so loved. My brother has autism and it’s so difficult to explain to him that our mum is not here anymore. The more I try the more it hurts. The whole thing feels unreal. x
I lost my mum suddenly 6 weeks ago today. To be honest I think I’m still in shock at the moment. Even though we’ve had the funeral and handed her house back. I still can’t believe it. It is hard. I’ve spoken to a lot of people and they say it gets easier. It’s literally just taking things hour by hour, day by day and step by step. Go with your emotions and let it happen. It’s not the same at all but I have a 2 year old and she asks and says about my mum but I can’t explain to her she’s not here anymore. I hope someone else might be able to offer some better advice than me.
Here if you need to talk. Talking is good so keep doing it. Lots of amazing people on here who are all on this awful journey with us.
Nic xxx
Hi Nic, thank you for your response. I’m sorry to hear about your mum. Please accept my apologies.
It’s so good to have this community to talk too and to know that it gets better. I’m hoping that it does get better with time. We had my mum’s funeral yesterday and even though that’s suppose to be when we say goodbye, I feel like I’m not ready just yet. It must have been hard giving her home back. I hope you’re doing well x
It was once the family home also. Yes it was hard to say goodbye to it. Knowing it’ll all be ripped out and someone else will be in there asap like she never existed.
Mums funeral was 2 weeks ago and I still don’t feel ready to say goodbye yet. It is hard. All of it. My daughters nursery principle has lost both her parents and she said it does get easier. One day. I suppose it’s all so new so hard too see at the moment.
I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s insane how quickly everything just moves on. I can’t imagine how your daughter’s principle feels, but knowing that it gets easier is a bit reassuring.
But I also feel scared. As silly as it sounds I can’t even begin to think of feeling anything else but sadness. Since mother’s day has just past, all I can think of is how I’ll never been able to give my mum to give the gifts my brother and I bought, and anyone saying the word ‘mum’ sets me off into tears knowing I’ll never be able to say it to her again. Now I just have these gifts as a constant reminder xx
I got my mum a card and some flowers still. I have her bench from her garden as we used to sit on it and chat. So I put them on there on the day.
Maybe you can keep them back for a minute and then maybe one day do a memory box or something and put them in there? When I’m ready that’s what I’ll do myself.
My oldest daughter did her some get well soon cards when she was in hospital (critical care, she suddenly died at home but was gone too long but they got her pulse back so they took her to hospital and she was in critical care for 3 days then we were told no brain function and had to turn off the machines) and has since done her some cards which I’ll put in the box too. The hospital also cut us off a lock of her hair each which again will go in there. I have her favourite scruffy jumper which will also be in there. I did one for my gramps. I couldn’t look at it for a long while and it was at mums. It’s with me now and I looked through it the other day and it made me smile.
Nic xx
That’s a lovely idea. Putting your daughters cards will be an amazing thing for you all to look back on. I think I might try something similar. A day before my mum’s funeral, I wrote a letter and gave that to her, so maybe doing a similar thing for mothers day will be a nice way to connect on that day and make it less painful but also remember her by xx
I wrote a letter to mum too and gave it to her. So did my eldest. I have a 2 year old and she did some scribbles but gave that too her aswell. I just think you have to do what feels right for you. At the moment I can’t look at these things but one day I will and I’ll put it all together and be able to feel close to her. And it’ll be something for the girls to look at so we keep her memory alive. My eldest has already done a little memory pot and she takes it to school with her everyday.
Xx
Just because they are gone it doesn’t mean we can’t still get them a card or write them a letter. One day it might be healing to look back at these things so we can see how far we’ve come. From this day to that day. Which they’d be proud of xx
There is no answer to your question. I’m 31 and lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly to cardiac arrest 2 months ago. I can’t cope with it. I am very attached to my mom so it seems impossible to live without her. Im doing it for my dad who is completely broken.
Im so sorry for your loss. It’s unfair that our moms were taken from us so soon. They had so much to look forward to.
Please take care. Won’t ask you to stay strong because I myself can’t do it and I don’t think it’s even possible after losing the most special person of your life.
Please keep talking here as from my experience I can say it helps.
Thank you for the response. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m also trying to keep it together especially for my brother - who I think is also trying to process in his own way. But I think it’s natural for us to try and keep it together for our families despite being broken ourselves.
You’re completely right, it feels so unjust that they were taken so soon. They had so much more too give and it feels wrong that we’re just suppose to carry on with without them.
I think i’m going to try a memory box or letter writing idea - something similar as a nicnic suggested in this thread to try and help me process. Is that something that might help you?
I write in a diary to her everyday. I am already on the second diary. It helps. You should do it too. Memory box is a great idea. I have several things which she has given to me and her handwritten notes, I will put those in the box. Thanks Nicnic and Nina.
I also printed out family pictures and put in my apartment . Some are huge. It feels like she is right here with me.
I’ve not done a memory box yet as I can’t bring myself to right now. One day I will. But still coming to terms with all this. I’ve had a few bad days and feel like I’ve been cut off by all the friends who said they’d be there. So kind of angry at the world too right now.
Don’t know. Feeling low. I hope you’re both coping as best as you can?
Nic xx
The diary is a great idea and printing family pictures is too. This is something I will do too once I feel more ready.
I’m sorry to hear about your friends Nicnic, but we’re hear for you if you want to chat? I wouldn’t say I’m coping - I’m still in a lot of shock but talking on here has helped me x
Just feel very isolated and alone at the moment. Makes the process harder.
My eldest is going to stay with her ear tonight for the first time in 7 weeks. The last time was the week nee before mum went and I always had mum to talk to when the kids were not here. So anxious how I’ll get through the evening. I’ll still have my youngest here (she doesn’t sleep well for her dad so she doesn’t stay with him often) but she’ll be asleep. Sounds so silly I know but I always have them with me but if they did stay with him it was mum I’d talk to on those nights.
I am so sorry for your loss! I lost my mum just over 6 months ago suddenly. I am still struggling so much, she was 67 and it was a total shock.
I send her messages everyday and go to phone her and then it hits me like a train again. Your mum is the one person who always has your back and so I totally understand your pain.
Please take care x
I know what you mean. Your mum is your best friend and always the one who you can talk too. It’s so difficult and it does not sound silly at all. I think having this space to talk about it all is good and hoping can help x
Thank you for your response. I’m sorry for your loss too. It’s so difficult, I honestly feel like the whole thing is not real. It feels like a piece of me is missing x