Lost my hubby on 5th Feb after a 2 year battle with motor neuron disease I say battle because it was its the most horrific disease .he was 55 far to young we had been together since 1982 but were friends first so it’s been a long time . Its a struggle especially at night when you can’t sleep you go over what u could done should of done what you should said etc and feel guilty about stuff . I dint get to sleep till4 or 5 every morning anyone else struggle more at night x
Oh yes, Helly - I too struggle to sleep and I am usually still awake at 4 or 5 like you. It’s soul- destroying, partly because things seem so much worse in the middle of a sleepless night. I got pills from the doctor but they don’t really work that well. I don’t know what the answer is, but I do sympathise!
Meant to say how sorry I was to hear that your husband had that awful disease. It must have been dreadful for you both. My husband had a sudden bleed on the brain, and died three days later after being in a coma since the first bad headache. Both awful ways to go. I find it hard to envisage how to carry on, but I must for the family.
Its so hard isn’t it hun some days I cope fine other days only takes someone to say sorry or how are you and I’m off in a crying fit but I just can’t sleep not sure if its habit because I was up with him all the time and it’s like a pattern I got into or if it’s because my thinking heads on sorry for the loss of your hubby to hun x
Thank you, Helly. Yes, I think our sleeplessness is grief and habit. I wasn’t up in the night as such with Tony, but didn’t sleep well for those three nights. Then, of course, once he was gone, I stood no chance of sleeping. As you can see (it’s 3.30am) I am still unable to sleep much and that’s nearly nine months after he died. I feel lost without him and always will. X
My Husband died New Years Eve at home having had colon cancer for a couple of years. It is a dreadful time. I have found possibly something that might help. We worked together, lived together and made decisions together for everything, and I just couldn’t seem to do anything on my own, without getting into a real panic, tears not being able to breathe, which I know is normal. So I bought an a4 notepad, and overnight I ‘talk’ to him, everything that has happened, how I am feeling and I tell him about the problems I have got, what does he think we should do about it. I have found this helps me sort the problems, because I become calm when I write it down, also he is with me and it seems to settle mea bit, I still have periods of time when I can’t sleep but I am not anxious or upset. This is the first time I have told anyone about these conversations, I am alone, children do not live locally. It does help me for a short time in the day, I know it is going to take possibly along time to settle, but A4 pads aren’t that expensive. Take care, it is good to know that our lives are so similar in the awful situation.
Me too. I lost my hubby at the end January. After 18 months caring for him through oesophageal cancer. And yes, my whirring brain and sleep deprivation are getting to me. The theory, before he died, was that I would be able to catch up on sleep - ha - tell my brain that! Lockdown does not help at all. Far too long on my own. I buzz around doing things and then I have to stop as pain from my back injury forced me to rest. 
I am doing something similar. I miss the text messages from my husband that stopped three days before he died. So I have been texting him with updates. It may seem mad but it is all part of getting through this somehow.
It isn’t mad at all, I find it keeps me calmer and able to face everything for a while. I knew this would be hard, but not this hard. Keep texting. X
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Thank you Samuel xx
Sorry for your loss hun I know I thought solong without sleep.id sleep.likeca baby but instead I. Either tidying out cupboard or draws listening to audio books crying and eating cake its rubbish this lock down makes it all.so much harder doesn’t it x
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O I do this to I messaged him happy valentines day where ever u are and when I get upset I’ve messaged him I thought I was losing it so I’m so glad u do it to it helps me x
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Sorry for your loss hun and ill defo try this writing things down there’s so.much to do isn’t there when someone dies I have a list im getting through it slowly judtveant to.have some sleep x
Me too re the cupboard cleaning at daft hours of the night! Xx
I know its madness isn’t it but if I sit and think I get upset so always have to keep busy x
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Thank you I text Tim every day it helps me cope,
Hope the weekend is kind to you all,
Julie 
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I email my husband at least once a day to let him know my thoughts. Today has been difficult. Started to stack his motorbike stuff as two of his biker-buddies coming tomorrow to take it all away. I have only anger towards it and my email tonight set out all our unachievable dreams - for me, our kids and grandson. I have shouted, screamed and wept. I have not coped today.
Sheila26
I will be thinking of you tomorrow today was a hard day for you I am in two minds Tim’s slippers, toothbrush coat etc hurt me seeing them but I can’t bear to move them,
Virtual hugs
Julie
Hi Julie
Thank you. Just need these items gone. Bring back painful memories every time I have to go and use the tumble dryer.
Not touched any of my husband’s clothes or personal items. Grandson drags his granda’s shoes round the bungalow by the laces. Funnily this part does not upset me. Husband was OCD about his shoes being neat and tidy. Not sure when I will tackle these items but certainly not for the foreseeable.
Take care and thanks once again. Not sure how much longer I can deal with the pain.
Sheila
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Ahhh hun I went into the spare room.earlier his clothes are all spread over the bed im sorting it for memory bears just finding it to difficult so not getting far just crying big big hugs to you hun x
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