Hi, I have just joined this site and never done anything like this before.
I’ve just lost my beloved husband of 12 years, he was only early 40’s and has left me with our 2 young children. I ultimately lost him to alcohol addiction. The last 2 years I have lived on a rollercoaster with him. He was a functioning alcoholic for a long time and never drank in front of me. As time went on, he wasn’t functioning so much though. It’s been 2 years of lies, living a nightmare, being shown up in public places all because of his drinking. I’ve threatened to leave but could never do that, I loved him so much, I just kept seeing a glimmer of hope that he had the horrible disease under control. He promised me he would stop & could stop, I’ve tried private help for him, relapse medication, he was then seeking help on the NHS, he just kept telling me he was fine, he wasn’t though, he was getting worse.
He ended up in hospital for 6 weeks with basically what was end stage liver disease. He passed due to complications with infection basically.
I have never felt pain like I have right now. I’m so upset, he was such a lovely family person underneath it all, adored his children he lived for them. This was the last thing he would ever have wanted for them. I just can’t believe he isn’t here
I am so upset but keep feeling guilty, like I should have done more to help him, I should have chased his hospital appointments. The arguments we’ve had I now regret thinking I should have been nicer as he was suffering so much in his head.
It’s so hard to figure out, losing someone when it didn’t have to be like this. If there is anyone out there who has lost a person to this awful disease I would be so grateful to hear from you. Sorry for rambling & thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this.
@Inky7 what a terrible loss for you my love . I am sure you did everything you could to help him . Please don’t beat yourself up . Iike you said he was a lovely man outside of his addiction. Grief is so different for all of us . Getting through each day is hard . I hope you have some family and friends for help x
My husband passed away 7 weeks ago. I can relate to the addiction. My husband was addicted to cocaine. He said he stopped but was lying to me all this time. Dealing with someone with an addiction is exhausting. Calling them out, which usually led to an argument. I also feel like I should have done more to help him. I have terrible guilt. I found him dead 7 weeks ago. It was an overdose. This was also something that didn’t have to happen. I miss him everyday.
I lost my on/off partner 5 weeks ago, he was an alcoholic and we argued and didn’t speak for 2.5 weeks before he died. For that I’ll never forgive myself. In our last conversation I told him we couldn’t be together, hoping it would shock him into stopping drinking, but I believe it sent him on a final binge. He died suddenly from heart problems but he was also ravaged by the disease alcoholism. He tried so hard to not drink but the last 12 months he simply couldn’t stop, he was in and out of hospital and self medicating with alcohol to escape mental health issues. He was also let down by services that were supposed to help him.
And I feel that I let him down too. I abandoned him in the last few weeks of his life. I wish I could have told him how much I loved him and held his hand. He was the love of my life and I can’t believe he’s gone. I keep expecting my phone to ring and it’s him, but that will never happen again. I spend hours and hours looking at our photos on my phone. Pictures of when he was strong, fit and well, and happy. And pictures of when he wasn’t so good, and I can see the pain in his eyes.
I heard something on the radio that said grief doesn’t go away but we eventually learn to walk alongside it. This I hope is true.
@Jasmine3 what a terrible situation you had to face my love . He is out of his suffering now . You are left to pick up the pieces. I am sure he knew and still knows how much you love him . Look after yourself I am sure he is with you . Take each hour and be kind to yourself xx
Sounds very familiar to me. I have spent ages on my phone looking of photos of good & bad times, I just can’t get my head around the fact I’ll never see my phone ring with his name again. I could take back every bad time right now to still have him here.
The worst part for me is the constant thoughts in my head wondering could I/should I have done more for him? I’ve questioned gaps in hospital appointments I failed to chase up but then equally think would it have made any difference?
I think grief when u lose someone to addiction is so hard as I feel like as well as been upset and angry at times, so many questions are not answered?
I know this is an old post, but just wanted to say the same happened to me. I lost my partner to alcohol January 14th this year. He died suddenly too and I’ll never forgive myself for not doing more. If anyone wants to reach out and chat please dm. Peace and healing to you all Xxx
I’m feeling your pain Jazzy… I lost my husband on the 18th February. We was together for 40 years. The last few years have been so hard but I would never have left him. Now feel completely lost and heartbroken and I’m regretting that I could have done more . Thinking of you x
I’m sorry for your loss too
Thank you. It’s so difficult to carry on without them isn’t it. And yes the regrets and guilt are so much. I’m trying to picture my partner at peace and free from his torment. Thinking of you too x
with such a traumatic experience, I would seek counseling from someone specializing in this addiction. there is AA but you are also grieving so you might need something more tailored to your situation. this is the beginning of your feelings and emotions and more will come so for the sake of your children, I would get the best professional help you can because it will help you in this tough time.
Yes. Healing from this is not going to be easy. Incredibly traumatic and also so sad. I miss him deeply every day. Thank you for your kind words. I thankfully have found a brilliant counsellor who worked in rehabs and also is grief trained. Time is my friend.
I hope that you can find peace and healing in time. It’s a lonely time grieving. I think friends and family think I should be over the worst of it now. It just doesn’t work like that. A friend said that long walks helped them. I’m going to make the effort to try that x
I read your post and it could have been me writing it. I recently lost my husband at the start of March and like you, have never posted before, but feel the need to find someone who has had the same experience as me, ie. being with a loving family man, who just lost his way with alcohol and his mental health. I’d love to catch up with you if that’s possible, I know its been a little while since you posted…
Hi.
Just seen your post.
So sorry for your loss.
I lost my fiancé suddenly about 15 months ago to acute alcohol intoxication and falling down the stairs. He was a binge drinker but I’d never seen him drunk and we thought he had been dry for a couple of years.
I too find it helpful know people get it. Everything is so much more muddy and complicated. We can’t change anything so I’ve realised I need to make peace with what happened.
He was such a lovely kind generous man and I miss him every day.
It’s not as acute now but it’s choosing to be thankful for the good things and the love we had.
I too lost my partner. I knew he had had a serious alcohol problem in the past including damage to his liver but I was naive when he told me the damage was compensated and allowed him to and even drank with him. The deal was he wasn’t allowed whisky but I thought as long as he only drank wine it was ok. His drinking had increased recently and had been causing problems at home. He was very controlling and possessive and the behaviours my son 22 and his girlfriend who live me witnessed were alarming and my parents were very concerned as were many of my friends but I loved him. I knew I needed to deal with the problem but I just hid my head in the sand to avoid confrontation with him. He has threatened suicide several times in the last 2 months but later admitted he just wanted a reaction. I was trying to deal with a demanding job, looking after my mum with Parkinson’s and protect my son and his girlfriend I was just hoping come the New Year we would talk about his problems. I knew how not to provoke him and I just wanted a happy Christmas as a family and thought I could hold everything together. On 30th December he became unwell at home and we called an ambulance. He has fallen and injured his shoulder and was vomiting blood and faint. They took him in around 6pm. The last thing he said to me in the ambulance was please don’t stop loving me and I promised him I would never stop loving him. I spoke to the hospital who said he was poorly and dehydrated but no one said I should get there to be with him. Again how naive I should have realised he was Ill but I knew he had been drinking all day every day for weeks. The paramedics seemed to think the blood was normal when someone been sick lots of times and it was also mixed with red wine so I don’t think I realised how bad it was .The house was a mess and our dog my son and GF were all distressed he had been sick several times on the living room floor and the bathroom was a mess so I didn’t go to the hospital that night. My hands were bleeding from cleaning vomit and I felt some relief that he was safe and I could go to sleep without the fear or a situation with him. My son was taking me up to the hospital the next morning at 7am and I phoned the hospital on the way and was talking to a nurse when I heard an alarm go off and the phone was put down on me. When they finally answered the phone I was told he was in cardiac arrest. They were able to bring him back but he was taken to ICU and he never regained consciousness. I spent the next 36 hours over New Year’s Eve by his side as they gave him life support and tried everything but he passed away just before midday on the 1st. I am utterly devastated and am wracked with guilt I didn’t see this coming in any way. The doctors told me the damage was done all those years ago prior to me meeting him but I feel so guilty I never told him not to drink. Apparently he was a ticking time bomb and nothing I could of done but I just feel I didn’t even try and save him. My family and I gave him so much love and tried to support him financially. Everyone who knew him said he was the happiest he had ever been but he still had his demons. I don’t know how to get through this. When he was happy everything was good when he was unhappy things were very bad and I was scared but now I feel terrified of a live without him. I don’t know how to stop feeling so guilty. I now know he was in terrible debt and had not been taking care of lots of things I am just so lost. Sorry it’s all just come out but my head is just constantly full of all these thoughts. I lost him aged 55 within 48 hours. How to I begin to process this. Thank you to anyone who reads my story
Another tragic loss and such a young age, my partner was 55. I’m sorry you have young children at least my son is 22 but he was like a little boy again the day we lost my partner. I’m so very sorry for your loss. These forums have given some comfort that I am not alone. I hope you find that here too xxx
. Thinking of you x
xxx