Losing husband to alcohol addiction

Hi, I have just joined this site and never done anything like this before.

I’ve just lost my beloved husband of 12 years, he was only early 40’s and has left me with our 2 young children. I ultimately lost him to alcohol addiction. The last 2 years I have lived on a rollercoaster with him. He was a functioning alcoholic for a long time and never drank in front of me. As time went on, he wasn’t functioning so much though. It’s been 2 years of lies, living a nightmare, being shown up in public places all because of his drinking. I’ve threatened to leave but could never do that, I loved him so much, I just kept seeing a glimmer of hope that he had the horrible disease under control. He promised me he would stop & could stop, I’ve tried private help for him, relapse medication, he was then seeking help on the NHS, he just kept telling me he was fine, he wasn’t though, he was getting worse.

He ended up in hospital for 6 weeks with basically what was end stage liver disease. He passed due to complications with infection basically.

I have never felt pain like I have right now. I’m so upset, he was such a lovely family person underneath it all, adored his children he lived for them. This was the last thing he would ever have wanted for them. I just can’t believe he isn’t here :broken_heart:

I am so upset but keep feeling guilty, like I should have done more to help him, I should have chased his hospital appointments. The arguments we’ve had I now regret thinking I should have been nicer as he was suffering so much in his head.

It’s so hard to figure out, losing someone when it didn’t have to be like this. If there is anyone out there who has lost a person to this awful disease I would be so grateful to hear from you. Sorry for rambling & thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this.

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@Inky7 what a terrible loss for you my love . I am sure you did everything you could to help him . Please don’t beat yourself up . Iike you said he was a lovely man outside of his addiction. Grief is so different for all of us . Getting through each day is hard . I hope you have some family and friends for help x

My husband passed away 7 weeks ago. I can relate to the addiction. My husband was addicted to cocaine. He said he stopped but was lying to me all this time. Dealing with someone with an addiction is exhausting. Calling them out, which usually led to an argument. I also feel like I should have done more to help him. I have terrible guilt. I found him dead 7 weeks ago. It was an overdose. This was also something that didn’t have to happen. I miss him everyday.

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I lost my on/off partner 5 weeks ago, he was an alcoholic and we argued and didn’t speak for 2.5 weeks before he died. For that I’ll never forgive myself. In our last conversation I told him we couldn’t be together, hoping it would shock him into stopping drinking, but I believe it sent him on a final binge. He died suddenly from heart problems but he was also ravaged by the disease alcoholism. He tried so hard to not drink but the last 12 months he simply couldn’t stop, he was in and out of hospital and self medicating with alcohol to escape mental health issues. He was also let down by services that were supposed to help him.
And I feel that I let him down too. I abandoned him in the last few weeks of his life. I wish I could have told him how much I loved him and held his hand. He was the love of my life and I can’t believe he’s gone. I keep expecting my phone to ring and it’s him, but that will never happen again. I spend hours and hours looking at our photos on my phone. Pictures of when he was strong, fit and well, and happy. And pictures of when he wasn’t so good, and I can see the pain in his eyes.
I heard something on the radio that said grief doesn’t go away but we eventually learn to walk alongside it. This I hope is true.

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@Jasmine3 what a terrible situation you had to face my love . He is out of his suffering now . You are left to pick up the pieces. I am sure he knew and still knows how much you love him . Look after yourself I am sure he is with you . Take each hour and be kind to yourself xx

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Sounds very familiar to me. I have spent ages on my phone looking of photos of good & bad times, I just can’t get my head around the fact I’ll never see my phone ring with his name again. I could take back every bad time right now to still have him here.

The worst part for me is the constant thoughts in my head wondering could I/should I have done more for him? I’ve questioned gaps in hospital appointments I failed to chase up but then equally think would it have made any difference?

I think grief when u lose someone to addiction is so hard as I feel like as well as been upset and angry at times, so many questions are not answered?

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I know this is an old post, but just wanted to say the same happened to me. I lost my partner to alcohol January 14th this year. He died suddenly too and I’ll never forgive myself for not doing more. If anyone wants to reach out and chat please dm. Peace and healing to you all Xxx

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I’m feeling your pain Jazzy… I lost my husband on the 18th February. We was together for 40 years. The last few years have been so hard but I would never have left him. Now feel completely lost and heartbroken and I’m regretting that I could have done more :disappointed_relieved:. Thinking of you x

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I’m sorry for your loss too
Thank you. It’s so difficult to carry on without them isn’t it. And yes the regrets and guilt are so much. I’m trying to picture my partner at peace and free from his torment. Thinking of you too x

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with such a traumatic experience, I would seek counseling from someone specializing in this addiction. there is AA but you are also grieving so you might need something more tailored to your situation. this is the beginning of your feelings and emotions and more will come so for the sake of your children, I would get the best professional help you can because it will help you in this tough time.

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Yes. Healing from this is not going to be easy. Incredibly traumatic and also so sad. I miss him deeply every day. Thank you for your kind words. I thankfully have found a brilliant counsellor who worked in rehabs and also is grief trained. Time is my friend. :heart:

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So glad that you’ve found a good counsellor and I really hope that it helps you. Take care of yourself and yes time is definitely our friend…
D x

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I hope that you can find peace and healing in time. :heart: It’s a lonely time grieving. I think friends and family think I should be over the worst of it now. It just doesn’t work like that. A friend said that long walks helped them. I’m going to make the effort to try that x

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