@Carol9 
xxxxxx
@Mike75
What a thoughtful thing to do! Me and Rich used to visit churches here and abroad and would on occasion light candles for family and friends no longer with us. I found it therapeutic. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and i hope itās not too hard for you . 
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Like you I donāt think too far ahead, and Iām content with that. I can overload with too much info at once.
My hubby suddenly collapsed Feb 21 - my head has accepted he isnāt coming back - but I still expect him to come through the door.
I talk to him just as I did before, moan at having to cope with things that were āhis jobsā.
Tears are my connection to him, just a bit embarrassing in Asda lift over a bunch of flowers!
The other lady was telling me she always has fresh flowers beside her husbandās photo , we just looked at each other and wept.
G. x
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@Grandma
I am sorry for your loss, such a big shock for you.
I understand what you mean when you say that you have accepted your husband is not coming back but you still expect to see him. I feel like that. I know he isnāt going to come home but I sometimes think the car will pull up in the drive and he will come into the house, his usual cheerful self, it is so hard.
I still cry every day, the tears are never far away. I do try to be positive as I know he will be upset if he could see me like but it is easier said than done.
It is six months for me now, I canāt believe I havenāt seen or spoken to him for so long.
Today a charity bag came through the door and I did manage to put some of his clothes in it. I almost felt he was guiding me as to what to put. He was such a smart man and he liked his designer clothes. People have told me to sell some of his things but I canāt as I can almost hear him telling me to give them to the charity shop and let someone else get pleasure from them, he was such a kind man.
Keep on talking to your husband, I do and it seems to give me a bit of comfort.
Take care and sending hugs xx
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Hi, spot on with my thoughts too. I donāt think I would want to get close to anyone again and risk reliving this pain. I just wish I could sense my partner was around me. I did feel it before the funeral but not since. Maybe thatās psychological? Iām pretty sure the love I gave and the love I received was a once in a life time experience but at 60 yrs of age I just want to go now, not struggle through trying to be OK. I value life but still feel like itās over now for me.
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Tiffany,
So very sorry for your loss ,
Know how you feel I lost my husband October 2022 suddenly,
I keep asking him to send me signs
I did dream about him the day of the funeral ,and I have smelt cigarettes smoke as he smoked,
But nothing lately ,
Untill you experience losing a loved one ,
No one understands the grief ,
My life is like a rollercoaster,
Take care Big hugs
Sue xx
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Why do people think it helps to say āThink of all the things you did, all the memories you madeā? For me remembering just makes me cry because itās so hard knowing those memories now have a start and an end point. The last few days , for no particular reason, I have been so emotional Iāve cried every few hours and most of the night. I thought I was getting ābetterā and now Iām worse than ever.
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@Jan71 Iām sorry to hear you are having a bad time. It sometimes needs triggers but sometimes not to set off all the emotions and when these come there is little we can do about it. Easter was like that for me. Thereās nothing to say only that it will pass. I can only send you hugs love and support xxxx
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Thank you Mike I know we are all, in our own way, finding this so hard and yes it does help to be able to come on here and voice our honest feelings.
I am watching āThatās 60ās The Best Musicā and reliving our early days, crying but trying to be grateful for Barryās love of music which sadly makes it equally hard to listen to 40+ decades of music. He LOVED music and we never ever had an āour song ā because it was impossible to choose just one song.
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Whoops !!! 4 decades of music not 40!!ānn
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Hello
Iām 8 months and 10 days in.
Agree and resonate with all of you.
And it is so so lovely to have found this website where we can read, and leave messages of understanding and support without judgement or without fear of upsetting anyone.
For me the last few days have probably been the worst yet.
Iām hating that I have nothing to look forward to. And Iām so tired of feeling totally exhausted all the time. I donāt want to be happy, cos Iām not, and never will be again but Iām also scared of being sad for the rest of my life.
Hugs to you all 
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Cathphil
So very sorry for your loss big hugs ,
Lost my husband Oct 2022
Everyone on this group is so kind and helpful
And understand what we all going through ,
Grief is a horrendous journey
I know some days are so bad and you feel you want to wake up to what seems a bad nightmare ,
Take care
Sue x
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I agree entirely with you. I lost my husband of 30 years suddenly 12 weeks ago. It was completely unexpected, he was 60 and Iām 53. I look at other people and I know it isnāt right but I think why are they still alive and my husband who looked after himself isnāt. The thought of living for another 30 odd years without him is too much to bare and I donāt know how Iām going to live my life without him. I feel like a shell, just existing. I wake up each day wishing heād come and get me.
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Grief follows many paths and we have probably all had those same thoughts āwhy me and not themā. I know I thought it even before my husband passed away after being told his cancer had progressed so much that further treatment was not possible. I used to feel it was so unfair that chemotherapy and immunotherapy worked for others and not him. And I also find it hard to even contemplate time without him (he passed away in September last year) because every day is a day too many.
You will find people here understand your thoughts and feelings completely and itās a place where you can be honest without being judged.
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Have you seen the post with a link about how our brains need to rewire following the loss we have sustained? For me it explained why I was so tired all the time.
Until recently I was sleeping better than I did before losing Richard but now my body (brain mostly I think) has decided to revert to the sleepless nights I had before. I still feel tired all the time though.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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Karen F
Totally agree,read that you can get Widows fog, sometimes i loose my thought of concentration,and all i can think about is my husband,nothing else sinks in ,
And i cannot sleep ,
Big hugs take care
Sue xx
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Thank you everyone.
Dear KarenF, I havenāt seen that post you mentioned but will look for it.
You are all rightā¦itās horrendous that we have to be part of this group, but know Iāve found it , it is so comforting.
I just love the innate trust we can have with each other ā¦ Cos we get each other.
Like some of you I too am the first in my circle of friends/work colleagues/ family in my generation to have lost a husband/wife. So they canāt get it, and neither would I want them to.
Hugs to you all
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Iām the same , we know now how life can be taken so quick & although Iām getting through each day , I just keep thinking ( hoping) tomorrow ācouldā be my turn & thatās what is getting me through each day R the moment xxx
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