Do you know what topic that post is under please ? X
My beloved precious husband had Alzheimerās. So his ending was a long tortured one for him and me. Married 52 yrs, together 57. We had a beautiful loving marriage. No children. We were everything to each other. It will be 9 mos tomorrow that he is gone. By now I feel as if everyone thinks I should be feeling better. I have started saying I am ok when people ask how I am doing. I am so far from ok. I am 75 yrs old, how can I be ok? We practically grew up together. Married at 22 yrs of age. It is impossible to turn around after all those years and simply be ok. Every morning I wake up and tell him we are one day closer to being together. That keeps me going. I am existing not living. But I had a great wonderful life with him. That is over, leaves me with a hollow empty feeling. It is agonizing. My happiness and joy will come again when we are together.
Peace and love, Karen
5 Likes
I feel for you so muchā¦I feel the sameā¦despite huge support from family and friends the reality is what it isā¦50 years me and Sandie were as oneā¦now I am oneā¦I canāt see a future. We used to go regularly to Anfield to watch Liverpool and sing Youāll Never Walk Alone with passionā¦the irony now cuts me to bitsā¦I canāt go there againā¦
2 Likes
I took my spaniel to a lovely country park where there lovely lakes and wild life -but the satnav look me a completely different way that I normally go and I got so stressed cos of all the traffic and my dog kept whining and yapping -and when we got there my debit card got stuck in the car park ticket machine -my head was ready to explode -Iām not normally like this but we persevered and ended up having a lovely walk-When I was cleaning g up the leaves yesterday in the garden a little Robin was following me around and really kicking up a racket chirping and so on like he was trying to tell me something and last night I heard Tom calling my name -I think I was dreaming but this morning I woke up sobbing -I booked a holiday in North Wales on the spur of the moment as I felt like getting away -itās a long way but we went 4 times before and itās so beautiful-but I just feel everyday is harder not easier
2 Likes
@Karetired
I usually say, when Iām asked, that Iām āup and down depending on whatās happening.ā It seems to explain it better to people as they see me doing things so could think I was ok. As we all know, being ok is not likely for many years, if at all, but I am certainly much better than I was in the early months. I do have a life now but know I will never stop missing Richard or grieving for him. I donāt expect to but I do expect myself to create a new life for me and my family.
Weāll all be here to help each other as we strive to do that.
Hugs to all
Karen xxx
3 Likes
Iāve been telling people āIām okay that Iām not okayā
But actually in last few days, even that has been a lieā¦because quite simply Iām not okay.
And why should I be, why should any of us be.
We have lost our partners in crime, our soul mates, our best best friends, and the only person in the whole world who really truly knew us, got us , and was completely on our side.
So no, weāre not okay. And thatās okay. 
5 Likes
So after losing my o/h 7 weeks ago I decided to be brave and meet up with a newish friend that had kept being postponed for a few months. Everyone encouraged me and despite the tears being just below the surface I got through it. But itās the little things that catch you out. I travelled by bus and train . In the past my o/h would have asked me to text so they would know I was ok, picked me up from the station, we would have been excited to see each other. Talked about our days and settled down for the rest of the evening together. Today I caught the bus home alone, empty house, no one to share my days news with. It felt like a big cloud descending. I loved being cared about before. I let family know of my whereabouts but it is not the same as that ā coming home ā feeling. Family and friends say āwell done, youāll sleep better tonightā and maybe I would have said the same in the past. But I feel Iāve got to try and look like Iām being brave now when really it broke my heart as I hadnāt considered the coming home part as I wouldāve gone out alone before but came home to someone who loved me.
5 Likes
I know what you mean - i used to take my husband out 4 times a week along with our dog -i hate it that hes
not in the car with me chatting to me- i just put my music on really loud-and when I used to nip out for something quickly he would be waiting at home asking how i got on -I wait in the car now for about 10 minutes before i can go indoors-i put the tv on really quickly as i cant bear the silence-it just feels lonely-i miss him we were together for 49 years and married for 46
3 Likes
They have some good reads re grief on that psychology today website
1 Like
KarenF
Thank you for the link to the article. I just read it. It was interesting.
Xx
1 Like
Dear Jan71, I am the same. Just bursting out in tears because I hear music or see a film we used to watch together. Eurovision is coming up - a programme we always watched together (although he was always mourning: oh no not again). He liked to complain about the music, the singers, etc but still enjoyed a few of the songs and performances. I am missing going to the Royal Albert Hall with my husband or to the cinema. Life will never be the same but we are all in the same boat and we all will go through this together. Sending you lots of love and hugs from Anna
2 Likes