My darling brother died in hospital on September 9th although my grief is raw as such, it already feels a lifetime.
He was chronically ill, so there is this element of comments from people, such as, at least he is no longer suffering. Etc etc
We all appreciate that people , despite good intentions, rarely know what to say. Yet, Grief is so completely unique to everyone.
We were so close, all our lives. We were best friends. We could share our whole selves as such. It feels like the only person who loved me, unconditionally with no judgement will leave this wound that despite, my rational knowledge about life is that when we all lose people we love. We all find our own way to carry on. But, Right now. Life makes no sense without him.
He was my soul mate, you know. We did not define our lives with his medical issues. Yes the journey was challenging but we did it together and we got stronger as every year went by.
I never left his side in hospital, he died in my arms. I know many would see this as a gift. I know people lose people in so many terrible ways.
But I guess it, haunts me too. In so many ways.
He held on, beyond strength, I have ever seen. It was like he was protecting me too.
Rational thought again tells me I have to channel what we had, so many people channel their tragic losses into inspirational stories of bravery and endurance.
They seek to honour their memory of the love they shared forever.
I am so scared that I am will always feel broken I guess.
I thank anyone in advance for reading my thoughts. Grief is the loneliness place, albeit we all share in grief as well
Hi Darcy
I found your message very moving. My brother was my playmate and partner in crime. Everything he went through in his life i went through it with him. You both experienced the purest love.
Just before he died he told me that I had been amazing. We became closer after our mother died and even closer when he was ill.
I am thinking of you.
Kind regards
Sue
Hi @Darcy72
I’m so sorry to hear your brother passed away. Grief for a sibling is so tough. My sister passed 3 weeks ago after a two year battle with cancer. She was my best friend and such an amazing person. I can’t imagine life without her and feel so sad all the time. I went back to work today and felt so guilty for doing something normal, feels as though I’m moving on and leaving her behind. It’s such a lonely and sad place to be so sending you hugs x
Thank you for your reply.
Yes, I, too, feel like, putting on a brave face, diminishes how we feel. I can’t believe work hasn’t sacked me. Haha
I don’t actually want people to think I can move on so quickly from the greatest person I have ever met.
But strangely at work, when i do laugh at something last few days , i have just started saying that reminds me of a story. When my bro and i…
Many people, i guess think moving on, has a different idea has such. For me we have to learn to carry as all.
Anyway its really lovely to get your reply, ty
Thanks for your message, Sue
We, did. It was so pure and i promise despite, this challenging time. I know how lucky we were. The grief can look self indulgent yes to some.
But i grieve what we built together, the tough, honest conversations etc. He knew , tho i hated him suffering, i also saw him as a person. My brother . My other half.
And to be honest, he was always joking how he worried just as much for my brain, as i worried for his body, lol
We were equals and it was super special and we never stopped laughing
Illness you say, brought you that closeness too. Its a journey that many avoid.
I appreciated your message so much thank you
Hi There
I want to say sorry for your loss
I lost my brother in March and i am no further forward in my Greif i felt like i had to be 2 people. One who had to put on a brave face and the other who was screaming inside because part of me is missing. Please know that you are not alone in this Grieving process and its ok to feel the way you do. Sending you lots of love.
I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. Thank you for such an open , thoughtful message. It really helps to know that we are not alone in this lonely pain.
Sending love
I’m so sorry you’ve lost your brother. I lost my brother over Christmas. He too had been ill for long time and I know what you mean about hearing the ‘at least he’s not suffering anymore’ lines. I’m devastated that he was suffering in the first place! I think of the condition he was in when he left this world and it’s horrible. You have my absolute sympathy, it’s not how things should be
Hi Bob
I agree with you about watching your Brother suffer being horrible. I am so sorry. Take it day by day.
Kind regards
Sue
Thank you for your really kind and thoughtful message. My heart goes out to you on your tragic loss too.
I think watching our loved ones suffer for years changes our whole outlook completely doesn’t it.
I hope it’s a small comfort to feel you are not alone in that and although I can only send you my love and support , I hope is a very small token of understanding what you’ve been through
Hello Sue, I am so sorry for your sad loss, I hope you don’t mind me replying to you, i lost my only sibling my brother to cancer Feb 14th 2023,i feel worse now than i have, it was bad enough thru Frank’s illness and death but my dr said it was adreline kicking in then. I tried councilling, books, etc, on meds for depression. But i had been on them for years. I find myself getting panic and anxiety now too. Frank, like your brother was my soulmate, he was all i had, lived in the family home with me. 3yrs younger than me. Sending you best wishes Sue, we are all here for each other
I lost my brother 5 months ago he also was very poorly in hospital. I too never left his bed side. My brother battered ammonia and sepsis for just under a week. It was very traumatic hearing his breathing towards the end. I have been through every grieving stage. Guilt, anger, sadness, loneness and depression. Some days now are a little better but then still most days I struggle to even get out of bed. I lost my job through this difficult time. Some times I feel I am stood still with thousands of people carrying on with there life being happy and I am stood in the middle and no one hears or sees me. Or can understand the grief that I am struggling with day in and day out. Some days it’s like waves that literally knock me off my feet. I am very grateful to this group as when IAM sad I know that I am not the only one in the world who feels like this.
Hello Norm
I am very sorry that you have lost your only sibling. Frank.
I am still traumatised by watching my brother deteriorating for 5 months. That was over 4 years ago.
I am thinking of you. It is still very early days for you. It must be very hard because you lived together.
Look after yourself.
Kind regards
Sue
Hi Suzanne
I am sorry for what happened to your brother. It is very cruel. I hope that you have got people that you can talk to. Grief is a very lonely thing and unique.
Look after yourself.
Kind regards
Sue
Hi
How are you getting along since you went back to work?
Kind regards
Sue
Thank you Sue for your kindness, yes grief is so hard isnt it?
Yes. We had a unique relationship with that person so the grief is unique also.
Thank goodness that spring is coming.
Kind regards
Sue
Hi Norm
Keep going. I hope that you have got support from different people.
Kind regards
Sue
Thanks Sue, you too
Hi Darcy
I’m so sorry you lost your brother. Reading your post felt like reading something I could also have written, my feelings for my dear brother are so similar. It’s a lifelong bond that can’t be explained, only experienced. My brother too was strong, incredibly determined to keep going and fighting his illness, and I was with him when he died. I will always be grateful for the wonderful hospice care that allowed him a dignified and pain free death after such a harrowing year of medical interventions and, dare I say it, poor levels of care in some hospitals - basic needs not met. I struggle some days and I think I always will but I was blessed to have such a brother.