Losing my brother

Im new here , I’m just needing to express how I’m feeling but at the moment ive not been ready to talk about it in person but typing this is like a release. My beautiful brother died july 2023 he was found passed away at the age of 42, we still dont know the cause as we are awaiting coronor report. Since my brother has died ive not felt the same and i dont think i ever will. We were very close and there was only couple years between us in age, i miss him so much and everyday that goes by i miss him more as the gap is getting bigger. I feel guilty that i wasn’t there with him and i think of the what ifs everyday , i wish i was there to of helped him. What destroys me every day is remembering that I’m never going to see him again and I’m finding it so hard to accept this,and to accept his death , i know he’s not here no more but apart of me cant accept this , its completely destroyed my soul losing him .

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Hello @pez1,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your brother that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Hello @pez1 .
I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother. I could have written your post 2 years ago as I lost my youngest brother unexpectedly. He was only 38 and I had never felt heartache like it. I questioned everything and tortured myself with what I could have done and should have done and it was painful. In time I realised that all these questions could not change anything and my brother could not come back to us. At the same time we lost our lovely dad who had terminal cancer,soon after my brother, so we had a double bereavement. It took time but eventually I was able to think and talk about my brother without tears. That’s all I can say to you…in time it does get easier to accept and you will always have your precious memories.
I lost my youngest son almost 8 weeks ago and am absolutely heartbroken but one thing I refuse to do is question what I could have done to help him because I know from past experience it just makes you feel worse and doesn’t change anything. People are lovely and supportive here if you want to talk about your brother or just to reach out X

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Hi anne … im so sorry to hear of your recent loss of your son absoloutly heartbreaking, i hope your ok as you can be :heartpulse: thankyou for your reply i very much appreciate it and im sorry about your loss of your brother and father also, i am trying my best to come to accepting my loss its been really hard i tear up constantly whenever i think about him so thats daily , he was 42 i am 40 so we were close and grew up being best friends he was my protector and guidance as i was his, its been very traumatic for us as a family losing him and its been very stressful as we still dont know what caused his passing also as where waiting on another report from the pathologist , this adds to the trauma, i understand he isnt here in person no more but thats what im finding hard to accept , i wish things where different like the night he died if things where done differently would i be even writing this now would he still e here? but because we dont know whats caused his passing we have alot of different what ifs going around in our minds . I have amazing memories of my brother he was one of a kind :heartbeat: i will forever be proud to call him my brother , i just miss him so very much and i cant come to terms with it and i find it very hard to speak aloud about him at the moment its to painful , i am so very sorry for what you are going through also it must be so hard for you and your family i cant start to imagine ive seen first hand the pain it causes when a person loses their child the pain is unbearable , please keep strong im sending you my love and thoughts​:sparkling_heart: xxx

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Your situation is very similar to mine , my brother died suddenly last August . I totally know what your going through . We had the inquest cancelled as they said natural causes. They did not say what so still no reason or cause . He was 44. I did not see him for 5 months before he died and that tears me apart now. Its hard but we must focus on the joy we had and good times .

Hi lolaberry … im sorry to hear your going through this also, my brother was found passed away in his home, he had an autopsy but came back that they couldnt determine a cause of death so they done another autopsy to be sent away and this was mid july, we are still awaiting , i can imagine your pain as i know it doesnt give closure but also a understanding of why they were taken, i didnt see my brother for a month before he passed but i know that he knew that i loved him and he was loved and i know that your brother will of felt the same for you whether you seen him a month before, 5 month or 5 years before because brothers and sisters have a unbreakable bond so try not to feel pressure about that … thankyou for your message it helps to be able to talk about it even in messages… xxx

Thank you for your kind words and your message is very thoughtful.
I can understand the long wait for the inquest must be adding to the pain you are feeling as you just need to know what happened to your brother… I’m sure you feel very helpless and just want answers. My heart goes out to you all.
My son’s inquest is still a few months away and it’s another painful reminder that he’s not here anymore. He passed away Christmas Eve and I think because of the holidays everything has just taken longer. We had to wait 4 weeks before we could have his funeral service.
Have you been given a date for the inquest?
You will always have precious memories of your brother and would have had a strong bond being so close in age. My son’s had a year between them :broken_heart:. I’m heartbroken for him because he has lost his only sibling and I know he’s hurting too.
I’m really sorry I can’t offer anything useful. I want to tell you it will get easier but you won’t feel that way now and everyone is different. I really hope you get your answers soon :pray:t3:.
You can talk to us here about your brother or anything you want to. I find it helps writing on here as people understand more than my friends. :heart:

I feel the same my brother passed away in march 23 he was 44 found at his flat however he was an alcholic but none the less it was unexpected i miss him so much knowing he was on his own we was close and even though everyone is getting on with it i cant seem to be getting my head round it though people think i should be by now

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Thankyou anne for your reply and i find it helps to chat on here as my family are in the same position as me i know its hard for them to also talk and i feel my friends dont understand also, im so sorry to hear you lost your son especially on Christmas eve this will be hard for you and your family as what should be a time of happiness will now be sadness i understand your son will be hurting alot also its very hard going through this , yes his report was meant to be in the 5th feb but there has been a back log with the pathologist so there now saying 6th march and then we will have to go from there whether it will turn into an inquest in court or it doesnt need to. I feel asif my heads in a bubble contantly i have constant brain fog everyday i wake up it hits me again i feel asif im living the same day everyday and its not gettin any easier infact its getting harder and im so scared of what the pathologist report will say on how he died where my brother was found and how he was when found myself and my family think this may of been an accident that could of been avoided . I try not to think too much about it . Thankyou for your reply it helps to know i have people on here i can talk to . I am so deeply sorry for your loss of your son i know this will be extremely painful for you my mum is heartbroken with losing her son so i can imagine your pain. Xx

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Hello @pez1. Thank you for your kind words :heavy_heart_exclamation:
As much as you want answers about your brother it will be upsetting for you all to listen to but you can’t torture yourself with thinking about how it could have been avoided as I’ve learnt from my own brothers death it doesn’t change anything. I questioned myself daily and wondered what I could have done. It just made me feel worse. His death was an unavoidable accident and my son’s is the same. I wish you and your family strength to get through the inquest if it does go that way.
I’m not attending my son’s, which has been brought forward, as I’ve been told the results over the phone and hearing it out loud again will be too much for me to take. I’ve requested the reports and statements etc to read in my own time. I want to remember him as he was❤️.
Whatever the outcome of your own brother’s report, remember him as you knew him and don’t feel guilty for thinking you could have done anything differently. In time you will be able to talk about him and all of your memories together :heart: Sending love to you and your family XX