On the 9th of December this year I lost my dad, my dad was such a character and funny man. 2yrs ago he took a massive stroke and was paralysed from the left side down, Jan of this year he had to go into full time care home as it was getting on top of my mum, mum and dad would have been married 53yrs in Jan… sadly he passed away on the 9th December, I thought I was coping but boy I’m not. I miss him so much that on days I feel I am suffocating. I now get to the point I don’t want to talk to my wife about how I’m feeling as I feel I am just a bother. I didn’t realise how much of a void I feel in my heart, how much I miss him everyday and it’s only need 3week. It was so difficult to enjoy Christmas this year but I had to for the sake of my kids and I know my dad wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I can’t stop crying when I’m on my own as I have so much pain in my heart. Thanks for reading…
Hi Frank, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your dad. It is very early days for you and it’s understandable that the grief feels overwhelming. It’s important to be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve, and to find outlets for your emotions, as bottling them up can make things worse - so do keep talking to your wife if you can, but also write things down here if you find that it helps. You are among people who understand here.
Our users are a very supportive lot, and I’m sure others will be along to reply soon. In the meantime you may find it helpful to read some of the other recent conversations in the Losing a Parent category. For example @Sam1975 has also lost their dad just before Christmas: Lost Dad 3 days before Christmas
If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about using this site, you can get in touch with me at online.community@sueryder.org.
Hi frank,
I lost my mum suddenly to a massive stroke on the 14th june and life is very difficult for me. Mum moved in with us a year earlier and we had such a lovely life. She was so energetic and fun, was only 74 and I just cant understand why she died. We thought she would outlive us at times and certainly expected another 15 years with her.
I had 3 months off sick from work but have managed to get myself back on track with my job fortunately. I cry most days still and just cant believe I lost her. My 12 year old daughter misses her terribly.
What has helped me is being on this site. There are a growing group of us who chat most days and all agree that no one else really understands us like our sue ryder friends.
Please remember that you are only 3 weeks into your loss. I’m 6 months in and still finding things very hard.
Cheryl x
Hi Frank, I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Our parents are some of the most special people in our lives, indeed they have been in our lives the longest. It’s not been very long at all for you since your loss so I’m not surprised that you say you are not coping. What you are doing right now is just trying to get through each day as it comes and somehow continue with your life. I have no doubt that your feelings and emotions will be coming and going, one minute you think you are fine and then the next you are dragged back to something you cannot stand. This is normal and you’ll hear a lot of that from others here. I do a lot of my talking on here rather than talk to my wife about it all the time.
I lost my mum at the end of August in a sudden and dramatic way. She was on holiday with my family at our favourite holiday location in our favourite cottage. The previous day she was enjoying going out with us for a pub lunch and yet the following day, the last day of our holiday, she died suddenly due to her heart not coping. None of this should have happened and yet it did and reminded me that life can be cruel sometimes.
I know full well how lonely a place you can be in right now so please feel able to join in with the chats here with some lovely people who really do understand what you are going through.
Look after yourself.
Shaun
Shaun,
Thanks for your kind words which helps, so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum, having it happen suddenly I couldn’t imagine what you must be going through. I still have my mum and I have the anxiety now of losing her which doesn’t help and I know I can’t think about that. I really didn’t understand grief as I am understanding it now, I just have this empty feeling as I miss him so much.
Thanks again
Frank
Thanks Cheryl for your kind words, I just miss him so much, i never thought for one min how much this would hurt me… although it’s only 3weeks it feels longer… I am trying so hard to take each day as it comes.
Thanks again
Frank
Frank76, I’m sorry you’ve lost your Dad.
I lost my Mum suddenly 12 weeks ago from pneumonia and a massive heart attack. I feel like the walking wounded. My Dad passed away nearly 20 years ago.
This place has been a blessing. A place where people actually understand how raw it all is.
A place to get things off your chest. Keep posting here, as I strongly believe it helps.
Try and look after yourself, as ones health takes quite a blow.
Hi Frank
I am sorry about your dad.
How is your mom doing?
Ell
Thanks Ell, mum has her good days and bad days, I’m just worried about her I guess that’s only natural.
Daffy123, So sorry that you lost your mum 12 weeks ago, look after yourself too.
Thank you for your kind words. Take care of yourself.
Frank,
I still have my dad, I feel your anxiety. Dad is in a care home many miles away and I only met him at the end of 2018 for the first time ever in my life. He met my mum just a month before she died for the first time since before I was born. I had a dream to get a photo of all 3 of us together. That dream was planned for the week after my holiday in August. She didn’t make it home alive so that dream is dead and gone. I’ve been cut up about it for some time. Life just is sometimes very cruel and you never think it’ll happen to you until it really does.
I didn’t really understand grief either until now and I certainly have an appreciation for how horrible it is so when I read stories such as yours I really do feel your pain and a strong desire to help you and others. I do know that I cannot take away anyone’s pain just as much as nobody here can take away mine. Best we can do is talk about it. This is one ride we all want to get off but can’t. Just tonight I suffered a breakdown which seemed to come out of nowhere, followed by disbelief that she is gone. This is what happens, up and down, bad days, better days and so on.