My dad first got diagnosed with Lung and Brain cancer back in August 2022, that was the day my world changed! I went to every appointment with my dad and mum, he took every treatment on offer had Gamma Knife, Chemo & radiotherapy and never complained once in fact would do anything to make it easier on the nurses/consultants. He wanted to know his prognosis which was 9-12 months we never spoke about it again but it was like a tiking time bomb to me, we decided to make as many memories as we could and went away for long weekends,cinema trips,days out,candlelite concerts , Rod Stewart concert etc its very difficult to live life normally at certain dates likes birthdays as you know theyre not gonna be there for the next one but youve gotta pretend that everything is okay. I would say that about a month before my dad died he really struggled with his mobility and kept falling over a lot, we had to help get him up but he was always cheerful and would sort of say im back on the floor again etc then within 2 weeks he really struggled with walking and it was taking 2 of us to help him. We had to get a hospital bed in place which was better as it stopped him from falling but he would get frustrated! We got lots of equipment delivered but he really wanted to get out of bed so we arranged a hoist got a recliner chair only managed to get him in it once, we thought heād be overjoyed but he wasnt! I think he knew that was it. My dad got his wish to stay at home but ever since i have struggled. I feel like im not like myself anymore, not enjoying the things i would normally, doing the mandatory things like working and trying to put on a mask, lacking motivation to do anything, even thought that ive had a good life and maybe this is it? Does everyone else feel like this? Is it normal? I dont think ive ever truly experienced heart break till now
@Suz1978 I think what youāre feeling is pretty normal. Your world with its stability has changed forever so itās natural to feel different. When my Dad died in March, I felt scared, sad, angry & loads of other emotions over the months that followed. Nothing prepares you for grief until you go thru it so be patient with yourself. Youāre experiencing a life changing event. Take care
Thank you Cee how are you feeling now?
Hi @Suz1978. Iām really sorry to hear of your loss. From your user name, Iām guessing you are the same age as me, so we both have lost our fathers of 45 years.
My father left us 3 months ago yesterday, after being diagnosed with terminal liver cancer in April 2022. He had no symptoms, and it was a complete shock to us all. He was doing the things he always loved doing until August this year when one day he said he was tired and needed to have a lie down. He never got out of bed again, and died in a Hospice on the 02/09. He was at home in a hospital bed until things got too much and was only in the Hospice for 4 days.
The weeks up to his Celebration of Life were very hectic and me and my mum put a lot of work into making sure everything was just right. I somehow managed to get through my speech without breaking down.
Since then I have felt sad on and off every day. Some days are better than others, but the run up to Christmas is going to be very hard indeed. I canāt stop thinking about him and keep thinking it was all a dream, and did it really happen? Looking at photos of him make me sad, and I have constantly had his favourite songs running through my head again, and again and again. I have no answers to any of this and currently canāt see how it will get any easier and how I will ever not feel sad.
I particularly feel sad today. I donāt think the miserable wet weather helps things much. Iām trying to keep strong for my wife and children, but life is very difficult at the moment.
I hope we can both eventually find a path through this all, and somehow get used to this new horrible unwanted ānormā. Take care of yourself x
Iām so sorry. 
Itās normal to feel that way, youāve lost an important person and an anchor in life. Itās a little over two weeks for me and Iām still in the unbearable phase so I can only sympathise and say that I understand.
Hi there, its entirely 'normal ā even though it doesnāt seem like it, my Dad passed away end of September and all of what youāre experiencing is familiar. Keep strong and just take one day at a time
@Suz1978 some days are better than others. I remember the early days were particularly hard & coming up to Christmas is feeling like it did pre-funeral, as if Iām waiting for the event to be over. Iām sure there are many on here going thru similar. Take little steps & donāt expect too much. X
@LostFather yes not very original, i am 45 years old. Im sorry to hear about your dad, terminal cancer is the worst isnt it, theres just not enough time to say what you want to say, do what you want to do. I think every event without them is the hardest and every new experience you just wish they were there. I feel empty
Ulma im so sorry to hear this, i completely understand how your feeling
Iām so sorry you went through this, I lost my dad to lung cancer which we only knew he had for 3 weeks then to find out that it had spread to his bones, no time at all to process what happened but he knew we were with him and thatās what I hold on to now or try toā¦
Like is so cruel, loosing a parent is truly heartbreaking
I could have written any of these posts. It truly is horrific. I lost my dad in March and only this weekend (with friends trying sooo hard to be remotely normal but canāt) I took myself away on my own and cried and cried. I couldnāt get the last few hours of his life out of my head. My dad was 93 but so fit. He had been a ballroom dancing teacher all his life even up to 6 weeks before he left us. Then one day he said he was tired went to bed and never really got back up. He had kidney cancer & died of kidney failure. God it was rough and he was so brave even getting his nephrostomy bag put in which he fought against for so long. He worried people would feel it when he danced. Wee soul. He was at home then got bad terminal
Agitation where he kept dangerously trying and trying to get out his bed. He lasted in the hospice for about 8 hours. The sound of his last breath haunts me. I miss him so so much. My life will
Never ever be the same. I hope we all get some strength in each others stories. I know I do. I feel
For everyone and it makes me feel that my down feelings are so normal. Some of my friends feel I should be āover itā and think I should be on medication. When all I am doing is grieving my best friend!! And Xmas I just want to be over. Canāt help thinking āthis time last yearā. This is going to be hardā¦
Hi @EllieJ. Iām so sorry for your loss, and yes you are right that we are all experiencing the same feelings. Itās been just over 3 months for me now since my dad left us at age 75, and I sometimes relive the last few days at the Hospice also. I think itās best to try (and I know itās easier said than done) to not focus on those last days, and think of all the good times instead.
I donāt have any solutions Iām afraid, but hope that by talking we can perhaps help each other to try to make sense if our lives going forwards. Take care.
Sorry for all of your losses. I wish none of us had the need to be here, but as it is I too hope we can help each other, because itās awful struggling alone.
I too lost my Dad to terminal lung cancer that had spread to his bones. It was 4 weeks from diagnosis to his death. His deterioration over those weeks was so heart wrenching. The last time I saw him, he was sleeping in his hospital bed at home. He half opened one eye, gave a little nod, acknowledging my presence, then went back to sleep. He didnāt want a funeral, and his partner has decided to honour this wish. I seem unable to process his passing, and havenāt been able to cry. I locked my emotions down so tight last year, so that I could go on with life without crying every day after my husband unexpectedly passed away.
Iām so sorry to read this. I lost my dad to terminal cancer and he was 3 weeks to diagnosis then death. Itās so difficult and sorry to say but it gets worse as months go by I feel but this may just be the fact that Christmas is coming up which is going to be horribleā¦not even put up my decs or anything,
Itās my uncles funeral today too, after only loosing my dad in June.
If you ever need to talk to someone, Iām here x
Thank you Annie2023. I am just feeling numb and unable to process my feelings. It is just over a month since Dad passed. It was my late husbandās birthday yesterday and I struggled with that too.
@Cee God, it so true nothing, absolutely nothing prepares you for grief, my Father passed on Nov 13th, just a few weeks ago, iām desperate, reliving every moment, needing answers, he was in hospital icu for nearly 7weeks, he didnāt go in as sick, but became more and more sick being there, he had a stroke whilst in icu, it was a heart wrenching excruciatingly traumatic 6+ weeks, and then his passing was like a chunk of my own being left too, ā¦ since this time its like part of my soul has left in search for himā¦ i need answers, I need to talk to him, I need Dadā¦ this life is so unfair ā¦to have to go through such pain for loving
My sympathies for your loss. I can relate so much, lost my dad about the same time and his hospital stay was a nightmare I relive constantly. I canāt quite grasp it yet, just want him here.
@Ulma my deepest sympathies for your loss, its so difficult not to relive that hospital nightmare, yet its impossible not too, I have been dissecting each and every moment, its torture, ā¦ when i think of my Dad I see him smilingā¦ iām questioning if everything is pre-ordained was he supposed to go through that hell, if so why?? and if it wasnāt then the medical system failed himā¦ my brain doesnāt stopā¦
Yes! The thoughts just run in circles, especially at night, and canāt be stopped. An endless cycle of pain. I have a lot of guilt around it too, feeling like I shouldāve rescued him from there somehow, though I donāt know how that would have worked.