Hello, I’m so sorry reading about other people’s pain and loss. This is such a tough journey. I’m finding the loss of my husband is different from any previous losses. For one thing, he was the one person who was there to comfort me in the past.
Ive been through lots of anger, stress and trying to recover from carer’s burnout but I’ve tried not to lean on others much as I get the feeling everyone has their own stuff going on and so I’ve ended up coping mostly on my own other than support on difficult first events like birthday, wedding anniversary etc. 16 months on, and I feel even less openness from others to my sharing my distress, and having been unwell recently it’s been scary on my own - just me and my little dog. I did phone a bereavement support line the other day and that helped. Talking things out i realised that there’s still distressing scenes in my mind of his end days - paramedics working on him etc. But I have the comfort of knowing he had a peaceful passing for which im grateful.
Hi Angie32. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I lost my husband suddenly 10 months ago. I have found it hard to ask for help and I think in the early months I just tried to focus on the family and getting practical things sorted. But it’s more difficult now as I’m processing what has happened and feeling it more.
I just wanted to say that finding the right people/spaces to reach out to is a good plan. I had some issues recently and I was surprised how telling a neighbour about it really helped. They seemed to want to help and I would never have known if I hadn’t opened up.
But it is hard and so I completely get it. Not everyone around us understands.
I just joined this forum today and am hoping that being able to share things will make a difference. You are not alone.
Hello wonderwoman, im so sorry for your loss, I lost my precious husband of 35 years in March, and it has been the saddest moments of my life, never have I experienced such grief..your spouse is your partner in life and to lose them is just horrific…you’re right it does help to be able to express your feelings, especially to people who understand, who are also grieving..i do have children and grandkids, who i adore, but I miss my husband so very much..i hope this site does help you , you are not alone, there’s always someone here ready to offer any advice or support, take care and God bless you
Hi Angie32, im so sorry for the loss of your husband, I lost my husband in march, I was also my husband’s caregiver, my poor husband went through so much before he passed, I try not to relive those moments, id rather remember the happy times, ..i know people who haven’t lost a spouse just don’t understand how deep the pain is, a pain that will last forever, people think you get over it, but you don’t..only people that have lost a loved one will understand your pain..i have a sister in law that will message me to see if im better now…im tired of telling her im never getting over the loss of my husband..i hope posting here helps you connect with others, we all understand, talk about what ever you want..we’re ready to listen.take care of yourself and may God bless you..
Dear Angie I am sorry you are struggling. My wife died nine months ago after a cancer diagnosis two years earlier. Life has become terribly empty. Everyday is a challenge. Have you looked into counselling? This site offers six free sessions which you might find helpful. I have found this site to be enormously useful everyone here understands the pain of a bereavement. Thinking of you and sending hugs
Wishing you all the best Tom
I have lost parent’s and siblings which was painful but nothing can prepare you for the loss of your husband/partner, it is a pain we will carry for the rest of our lives, but it does get a little easier to carry, we just take 1 day at a time. Unfortunately people who have never felt this kind of loss will never understand.
Dear wonderwoman I hope you find some comfort here on this site. My wife died just over nine months ago after two years of cancer treatments. I have found it to be a godsend as there are a lot of lovely people. I am alone and everyone here understands the pain of a bereavement. Wishing you all the best Tom
Hi, so sorry for your loss, I lost my wife just over 2 months ago so I’m still in the early stages of this grief journey, I know it’s been painful for others losing their partners but I never realised how bad till I experienced it myself.
I’ve got family I can ring when I need to talk but I can’t open up to them properly and the friends I thought would support me haven’t been there, I don’t even receive any messages from them, if it wasn’t for my 2 cats I’d be completely on my own and it’s them that make me get out of bed every morning.
I’m glad I joined this site where I can say what I’m going through and how I feel without judgement, there’s so much support on here from people going through the same thing, I hope you can find the help and support you need.
Hi, I hear what you say. I’m tired of people asking me if I m better now. They seem to think you get to a certain stage and then flick a switch to make everything ok again. Its that looks on their faces when you say " no I’m not any better" that really gets me. It was my partner’s 1st anniversary on the 26th September and I feel I’ve regressed so much since then. I just hope this passes soon. Take care.
I’m very moved (in fact, I burst into tears) by the understanding and warmth in the responses- two qualities that are missing in my life now - and am really grateful for each reply.
Im so sorry you lost your husband 10 months ago. I know it’s incredibly tough and my heart goes out to you.
You’re right - support can come from unexpected places and thank you for saying about opening up to your neighbour about something. It makes me wonder if part of coping is learning to live with accepting kindness / support as it turns up in unexpected places, (like this amazing online community) as the very person we’d normally turn to for comfort is no longer physically with us. An older lady who down the road was in her front garden the other day as i walked by with my dog. We stopped to say Hello and this time she looked me in the eye and asked how I was coping. She’d lost her hubby 11 years before. I started crying as the relief of someone truly understanding in that moment was immense! I may go around for a cuppa with her as she offered.
Thank you for your kind reply and I’m deeply sorry to hear of your recent loss. I’mglad you you too have found this site.
I can relate to the difficulty of the ‘are you better now’ responses! This particular grief is in a league of its own, as i realise are other types of loss. Having been a caregiver as well can bring an extra layer exhaustion which I know has impacted my health, although I’d have had it no other way. When my little dog suffered a spinal injury 6 weeks after hubby passed, I was incredibly stressed and suddenly quite ill. A GP said to me that everyone has a breaking point and that I’d reached mine. But a couple of weeks later my sis asked, ‘are you better now’, bless her. There’s so much more to this journey and I’m incredibly grateful to you all for sharing.
Sending big hugs to you
I’m only 4 weeks in, my husband past suddenly, and the memories of that day have been awful. But I try to remember the fun times. This site has been a great place to off load.
Today I am really, really trying to just get on with bits and bobs, my list! But once I stop that crushing I miss him feeling re-appears!
Friend supposed to be popping in. I know I am a ‘tick’ box, fit me in, seen her! And can’t help remembering us actually hiding from some of these people as they got on our nerves! Now I am to be grateful that people want to pop in!
I so hope as time goes on I can loose some of this intense feeling of just wanting his company, as I have to bloody face it he isn’t coming back!
Gone full circle! Now it really hitting home he isn’t coming back!
I am going to just say ‘I’m ok’ from now on to people as they can’t handle or understand the truth!!! Sick of the responses now! I may take to just thumping them so ‘I’m ok’ is my plan instead of violence!
Indeed, the ‘oh, I’m OK ‘ reply has been my standard mostly. Although I’m at a point where I may simply go with how I really am as Im worn down by being the world’s best undiscovered actress!
