Dear Norma 1
That is a big one to get through. It’s not surprising you feel setback by it. These setbacks do make things more difficult but I know it can be 3 steps forward 2 back at times.
Big hugs
3 Likes
Thank you, Brandon 1 / Tom
I’m so sorry you lost your wife. I believe they are always with us in some sort of energy form 
and while that brings a certain level of comfort, life as we knew it has been shattered.
Im grateful for you saying there’s some counselling available via this site. Could you point me to where I can see that?
Thank you for your kind reply.
3 Likes
Hi Angie I hope you find this site as helpful as I do. There are lots of lovely people who try and help eachother and when you are feeling lonely it’s a real boost to chat on here. I hope the link below will take you to the page where there is a form to fill in. They will then take it from there. If you have any problems tell me and I will help.
Wishing you all the best Tom
1 Like
@Absent and @Peg2 maybe we should start a thread of “the daftest/most offensive things I’ve been asked or told since I lost the love of my life”. I would start with “this was God’s perfect plan for your life”
5 Likes
I think that is a good idea! I had a man who’d been told we had a family bereavement in the family ask me who’s the man that’s dead then? That’s how you refer to my husband. How I’ve didn’t punch him I don’t know.
6 Likes
It’s the most painful feeling ever losing a husband/wife/partner.
I lost my man in March 2025 very suddenly. Eating breakfast n an hour later he was gone from my life.
I wanted to die myself but never thought to do something and now I’m happy I’m still here.
It takes lots of time and exceptional strength to move forward from the loss.
You just have to go with the tears, the deep screams you want to explode out, the loss of sleep and the anxiety.
The hurt you feel if people don’t understand how you are not coping but how can they if they have not gone through the same grief.? It’s impossible..
The gut wrenching sobs have now finished and the tears are never far away but I can now laugh n dance and enjoy life with my family n friends.
I’m sad but not wretched anymore so we all come through it but in our own time.
Can’t rush it but it will happen.
8 Likes
That would be an interesting thread!!
3 Likes
Thank you Sue I am glad you have been able to find a path forward and have some joy in life too. I am nine months on and although the terrible pain from the beginning has reduced the feeling of emptiness is still there. I hope one day the memories won’t bring tears too. Wishing you all the best Tom
2 Likes
Well that’s a hard one to beat!
3 Likes
My reply to someone recently took their words out of their mouth. They were trying to be understanding, kind, comparing loss to that of a parent. By the way I lost my mum in the June, my husband in the September.
Anyway my reply was ‘ I didn’t have sex with my mum’
10 Likes
Losing a parent is sad, I’ve lost both of mine at a good age. I’ve got fond memories of them. But losing my beautiful husband is a different level. If I have another understanding arse tell me they understand completely has they’ve lost thier mum, I might go full godzilla on them.
6 Likes
Yes I was very close to my mum.
But loosing my husband is a totally different level.
And it is different depending on relationship.
Ours was near perfect. And best part of my life has been with him since I was 16yr and I am 63 in Dec. Lived with him from age of 17.
Happy, content and in love to his end.
8 Likes
Hi Absent, oh my goodness you made me laugh.…
..but yes definitely not the same, people don’t understand, we’ve lost so much..
3 Likes
Good! Honestly I have no filter now!
Best I am on my own most of the time and that we have gun laws in the Uk. I’d have taken out a few people over the last year!
7 Likes
Hello Absent
Blimey, I’m so sorry to hear you lost your mum and then your dear hubby. That’s certainly a lot of grief.
That was some reply! 
a conversation stopper! But it’s weird how we get these parent loss comparisons. When I bumped into people just after my husband had died last year, I had to stand there listening to the stories of two people telling me all about when they lost their mother some years ago, in great detail. They each walked away no doubt feeling better for unburdening , while I felt crap!
There’s one aspect I’ve realised, particularly with friends around my age or older who are married - I’m the living embodiment of what they could face in the future.
Big hugs
4 Likes
Ya I get it , i do.
2 Likes
That greatly depends on their relationship. Their loss I think! I notice most people that are trapped in this relentless misery are those that truly had a happy, loving relationship.
9 Likes
I had our delivery man on the morning of the funeral telling me all about his mum dieing, then his divorce. I was stood there in my dressing gown. I don’t know ow how many times I said I need to get ready! I don’t care that your mum died, mine has too! I don’t care that your divorced and she took all your money. I want to bludgeon you to death! I’m so angry.
5 Likes
I bet!!
No surpise he was getting divorced! Twat!
5 Likes
I know what it feels like to lose a parent, I lost my dad when I was 15 and I can say the pain doesn’t compare to the loss of my wife, I’ve never felt pain like this before.
6 Likes