Hi all
I appear to be having a better week at the moment so please please hang onto that fact…we will have better times. Just off the phone with my son who is having an awful day today but waited till his lunch break ro offload (we have agreed that we should let it out rather than hold it all in, no matter how good the others are doing)
This forum has been a total God send, we are in the same boat and can support one another. Joe’s been gone 12 weeks now and I honestly don’t know how I hot here but i did and somehow I shall wake up again tomorrow and have another day
Love and hugs to anyone who needs it right now xx
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Can you get out for a walk with a freind or neighbour. It sometimes helps to get some fresh air and talk as you go along. I have at least one cry each day and one walk each day. I keep the radio on a lot as I can’t bear the silence. Bad day yesterday a little better today. No end in sight as yet but lockdown doesn’t help.
Tricia
Take heart and try to look at the good memories
I think that when you do that it is a help
After all thats what we have and photos.
Looking at photos helps some people and some do not.
YesI feel cheated too.
It’s an awful feeling
But remember it’s just a feeling.
We have to try and look over the awful thoughts. They don’t do us any good
SueE it’s good to hear you are having a better week this week. My husband only passed away on 26th January, it’s very early days so I am not expecting any improvement in the way I feel any time soon. I just feel total emptiness and loneliness and everything makes me cry.
My husband passed away on nov20th.
I still cry when I see something he fixed or made.
A sadness comes over me that I cannot deny.
It’s a mixed emotion of dire sadness and being stuck without him.
I am just so thankful that he died at home and did not have to #suffer in hospital.
He would not of liked that at all
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Jacko25 I am so sorry for your loss. I had been married to Paul for 34 years, after so many years I feel like I have lost part of myself and you must feel like that after 28 years. Paul died on 26th January so it is very early days but I feel so lonely and understand the lack of motivation that you talk about. I get up, shower and dress then everything else is a struggle. I try to cook a meal for myself and my son but it’s always rubbish out of the freezer because anything else is too much trouble. I don’t want to forget Paul but I need to know that it won’t always feel like this.
He will always be with you deep in your soul.
But I do believe it will get better.
It has too.
You will see.
It will take time and the acceptance of knowing everything will be much better.
Grieving is a process.
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Bobmajor I did manage a walk with a friend today and I think the fresh air did me good and for a while I didn’t feel quite so lonely. I still cried but that is a daily occurrence.
I am glad your day was a little better today be and I hope tomorrow is a good day too.
Marion
Mazza1, I have a freezer full of food that I can’t be bothered to do anything with. I’ve turned into the person that goes out and buys meals for one that I can stick in a microwave.
But at least I am eating better now, in the first few weeks, I lived on sandwiches and biscuits and then only when I forced myself.
Geoff was such a big personality and always full of ideas and very positive. I try to be the positive confident person that he made me, because I know that’s what he would have wanted, not me sitting about moping. I can hear him moaning at me when I’m still sat in my pyjamas at 2 in the afternoon. 
But it is incredibly difficult and I do feel so lonely and miss him more each day if that’s even possible.
Still cry most days, sat and sobbed for an hour on Saturday because I found Scrabble which we used to play a lot years ago.
Still can’t sleep in our bed yet, so in the spare room for now. Hopefully will feel able to go back there soon.
I hope we will all eventually get to a place where we can be happy occasionally and remember our loved ones with a smile.
Lots of love and hugs. Xxxx
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Gary54 thank you for replying. Yes we have to believe things will get better because the alternative is feeling pain and extreme sadness for ever.
Jacko25 your reply made me cry. You obviously loved Geoff very much as I did Paul and I guess that is why our grief feels so strong. I cry every day sometimes many times because I feel so lonely. Paul was very funny, he made me laugh every day and now I just feel sadness. I do sleep in our bed, it gives me some comfort. Paul’s cat who was constantly by his side sleeps on his pillow, she misses him too. Like you, I hope we can get through this and manage to get some joy back in our life. Hopefully one day we will be able think of Geoff and Paul and smile rather than cry.
Thinking of you and sending you a hug
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I lost my husband 3 weeks ago. A traumatic death at home from lung cancer. Reliving his last moments was a problem for me but that is now easing. I have found ways to help me cope . I get up early, shower and dress and walk my dogs as I been told routine is really important. I work full time but I’m still off work at the moment . I also found a grief journal really helpful and I write in it as if I’m addressing my husband. I tell him about my day, how I’m feeling and that I love him. I have also just started a happy memories journal which I shall write down anything from our time together that brought us joy. He was my second husband and I’m so grateful that I was lucky to have him in my life for 16 years , making me happy . I’m sad that our future has been taken away but nothing can change that. He told me not to mourn him and get on with my life, easier said than done but I owe it to him to try. I’m lucky that I have my dogs for company and I do believe they make a difference.
Wendy75 I am so sorry for your loss. You are coping very well, your husband would be very proud of you. The ‘Grief Journal’ sounds like it is working well. I am by pleased you have your dogs for company.
So glad you got out on a little walk. My diary is closely marked with walks with different friends and neighbours. Don’t wait to be asked, phone them up. You would be surprised how many people want to meet up with someone else and just get together. The more you mix with others the better you will feel. I know when you come home you may have a good cry. I keep the radio on when I’m out and so when I get back I hear the voices of radio and don’t have that empty house feeling. Tricia
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The grief journal really does help me. I’m dreading having to go back to work as I think that’s when I will find it the hardest. He would always send me a text saying have a lovely day, face time me on my lunchbreak and have my tea ready for me when I got home. I would always tell him about my day at work. It’s tough losing someone who was also your best and only friend. I try not to think to far ahead into the future as it makes me anxious to think of all those years on my own and how I miss him. Just one day at a time , baby steps as they say. It helps talking to people on here and unfortunately we are all in the same boat. Sending love to everyone x
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I also leave the radio on. For my pets but also it does make a difference not coming home to a quiet house. I also have our lamps on timers so it seems as if someone’s home when you walk in. All these little things make a difference .
Hi Jacko
I lost my husband Richard 10 months ago and like your husband he was a positive optimistic person and I know would want me to be happy but it’s so hard especially during these bleak times I seem to be getting worse I’ve realised I’m going to feel like this for the rest of my life in a state of sadness and loneliness He worked so hard for our retirement and can’t be here to enjoy any of this and neither can I because he’s not here with me We were together 45 years and married for 43 I have family but they live a distance away and anyway nothing they can say or do can ever change the situation
The loneliness not being part of a couple is hard to bear every day No one to share your life with to talk to laugh with to comfort and support you hasto be experienced to truly understand how it feels
I cry at some point nearly every day as I realise he’s never going to be in my life again Walking helps just to get out of the house I talk to him all the time and his photographs I write my feelings down to get them off my chest I text my friend./family or FaceTime them I’m making a memory book of photos of places we’ve been to but the feelings of sadness and the loneliness never go
Like yourself I hope that one day it will improve but at the moment I don’t know how
We just have to keep plodding on
Take care. Thinking of you
Christine x
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Hi Tricia. Thank you for your advice. I am devastated to have lost my husband and I am so frightened that I will always be lonely. I enjoy walking and I will definitely try to reach out to people and ask for company. Marion
Wendy75 thank you for your reply. Your husband sounds like he was an amazing man. Paul was my rock and my soulmate. We’ve only ever been apart for a few days in 34 years and Paul would always text me and call me. I now feel so alone, like I am in a long dark tunnel with no light at the end and it frightens me. I thought Paul would be by my side for many years.