I also lost my husband four months ago after 43 years together. I feel so desolate and alone.
I am very lucky as I have sisters and friends who support me but somehow I still feel I am on my own.
I was in the garage this afternoon and just broke down seeing all his tools still there. I can’t believe that he won’t be using them again. Everything around me makes me cry as it reminds me of him.
My sisters were talking about going on holiday this year and asked me if I wanted to come. How can I possibly go without my husband, my heart is just so broken, it’s a struggle to think beyond tomorrow some days.
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So sorry about the lost of your husband i also lost my husband four months ago and i understand how hard it must be for you. I look at the clothes i brought for him and he never got to wear them and i start to cry i have been asked to go away by a friend and just can not as me and my husband did every thing together and it would not be the same without him i also feel so alone even though i have family and friends around me and do not think i can cope with life without him
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Sue11
I am so very sorry, it is so hard. I know what you mean about looking at your husbands clothes.
Everything in our homes are reminders of what we have lost. People say that one day they will be happy memories but to be honest I can’t imagine that.
The only bit of comfort I have at the moment is reading the posts on here as I know that everyone is feeling as I do and I am not so alone as I thought.
I wish I could say something more to comfort you as I can feel your pain in what you say.
At least we can keep posting and helping each other to try get through this nightmare.
Sending hugs and strength
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I know what you mean how can you ever have happy memories my husband had cancer for a year and a half he went through chemo had infection one after the other he suffered so much and lost so much weight i still think about every thing he went through it broke my heart seeing him unable to to the things he loved to do
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That must have been so awful, all that time watching the person you love most in the world suffering . I think you are in constant grief from the start . My husband was only ill for a couple of months but it was such a shock as he was so healthy. We went on holiday in June and from the end of July he was in hospital most of the time until he passed at the end of October. I remember going to the hospital and one day he would be o.k and I would be so happy. The next day he would have caught an infection and would be out of it and I would just sit by the bed and cry as my heart broke seeing him like that. He was in pain also. The Doctors just didn’t know what to do as they didn’t expect him to go downhill so suddenly. He also had cancer but died of an infection. I understand when you say about how it broke your heart watching him go through everything and unable to do the things he loved. I wish with all my heart it would have been me instead of my husband then I think about how he wouldn’t be able to cope without me.
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@Alir
One thing we are able to do for our loved ones is save them from the pain of this loss. I know I am coping better than Richard would have as he would have hidden it all inside.
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Hi @Alir. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband last November so we are both in the very early days of this awful life that we’ve been thrown into. I think the secret is to not think beyond tomorrow. Think one hour at a time. Do what you feel you need to do to comfort and care for yourself. Stay in bed all day if you feel the need. Keep posting and reading on this forum. I’ve found it a great help and support. Much love and strength to you. Jean.
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I am so sorry for what you went through its hard to see the one you love go through so much my husband had his up and down days sometimes he use to say come on lets go for a walk and then the next day he would be so unwell and find it hard to do anything i think the hardest part for him was when he had chemo it would wipe him out
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Hi Jean8
Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss too.
I know it’s early days and yet somehow that dreadful time of loss seems so far away. I am frightened as some days I can’t remember what his voice sounds like. I have a video of him that I recorded on my phone on his birthday, one of the rare days he was out of hospital and at home. I ordered an afternoon tea as a surprise. When I look back at it I can see he was poorly but can’t understand why I couldn’t see that at the time. I can hardly watch it now , I want to as I can see and hear him but it upsets me too much, and bless him, he was so thankful even though he was unwell and didn’t really want to eat anything.
As you say, one day at a time. That’s all we can do. It is so very hard.
Love and hugs.
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Yes, I know what you mean. My husband didn’t have chemo, well he had about a week of it then had another infection so they stopped it until they thought he was stronger again. He had more chemo tablets but yet again became unresponsive. They thought it was the chemo tablets causing it but then decided it wasn’t… How I hated seeing him go through that on a daily basis. Life is so very unfair for some.
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Yes, I know that I am the one out of the two of us who can cope, if you can call it that.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone at all.
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Yes I can empathise with your experience as I watched my husband slowly dying of sepsis in ICU for over a month and he couldnt speak. I kept asking if anyone in the hospital could lip read - he suffered so much and was such a good man. I’ve also wept to see what he was doing in his shed in the middle of writing labels for our trees.
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There seems to be quite a few of us who lost their husband’s four months ago. My husband might have survived sepsis if he had been diagnosed earlier but he was a typical stoical Scot and never complained. He should have been airlifted to hospital.instead we had a four hour ambulance journey and treatment didn’t start until the following morning
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So sorry to hear what you went through my husband had cancer and he become unwell i keep on at him to go to hospital but he just said i am ok later that day i knew he needed help so made him go to the hospital it turned out he had sepsis and his treatment did not start untill the next morning i ask why and was told all the doctors were busy
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Alir
Lost my husband 4 months ago
Lost my husband 4 months ago, know how you feel,
Cannot sleep visit his grave 2days a week
Horrendous loss
Take care
It was the same for my husband they would start chemo and then would have to stop it as he had a infection and like you said its so hard seeing them going through it on a daily basis
I know how you feel as my situation is so similar. Sometimes I think it is so much worse for us who are left behind and have to watch the person we love most in the world dying and know we can’t do anything at all.
My husband loved gardening, we have a lovely garden. He also had an allotment which one of his nephews has taken on. He asked me to go there the other day as he was proud of what he had done. It was so painful, I wanted to scream when I saw it. Half of the produce was what he had planted earlier in the year and didn’t live to see . I just wish he would come back but I know he won’t.
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I am so sorry, I really am. We are very early into our loss and everything is still so painful.
I can’t go to my husband’s grave as it makes me feel so bad and upset to think of him being there , it is unbearable. I wish I could say something that may be of comfort to you but I know at the moment nothing helps. At least speaking to others on this site is good because we all feel more or less the same.
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I wish they would find a cure for cancer. Our lovely husbands suffered so much, as did we, having to watch them going through it.
I am so pleased I have found this site as it does bring comfort to know I am not alone and my feelings are the same as others.
People are so kind and try their best to help but they haven’t had the loss like we have.
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