Losing my husband

My husband went into hospital 16th November 2017, I’d been his carer. He seemed to want to sleep all the time, and a fall took him to hospital. After several tests, the doctors told me he had advanced liver cancer, which had spread to his lymph nodes and adrenal glands. I felt so shocked when they told me, as the days went on he didn’t eat or talk just wanted to sleep. I saw him everyday, they were going to transfer him to a care home. Then they phoned and said he was too ill to be moved. He died 6.30 the next morning, a week after they’d told me there was no hope for him. He’d been in hospital 3 weeks, I’m grieving so much, I haven’t slept, I haven’t been back to my home I’m at my daughters. His funeral was on 29th December 2017. We were together all the time just the two of us, I miss him so much.

Hi Janet

So sorry you have had to join us on this forum. We all feel your pain and posting on here with people who understand is a great help. My husband Geoff died unexpectedly in his sleep in October. He was 68. Like you we were together all the time.

It is so hard to adjust after having someone in your life for so long. We were together for 40 years ( married for 32 years). After all that time you think and act as one and you miss them every minute of every day. Most of us are trying to go one day at a time. Not eating or sleeping, having panic attacks and emotional meltdowns are all ‘normal’ but it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

Staying with your daughter has probably helped. There are some others on this site who have done the same and are returning home this week to face new challenges.
Perhaps if you read their posts it may help you.

I wanted you to know that there are others who completely understand what you are going through and we are just trying to support each other.

Sending you a hug.

Yvonne X

Hi Janet im very sorry for loss your nightmare is very recent and i hope staying with daughter is comforting for you .The nightmare of going back home will patiently wait for .His clothes pictures cup etc will still be there but devastingly youll look at them in a different way .The careing side i understand too (i was my wifes carer for 8 years 24 7 365) the feeling of what do i do now i understand .The worst part for me then and now is upstairs i cannot and will not sleep upstairs (i sleep downstairs on the sofa )Try and have some me time get out of your nightmare your heart and body need a rest .I hope ive helped and can help you another time All the best Colin (im 58 my wife passed 04032016 she passed on her 41st birthday

Hi Yvonne

It’s helping a bit to know others understand what I’m going through. I was with my husband for 36yrs, I went to my home this afternoon to pick up some clothes, it was very quiet, I was looking through my husbands belongings which are still in the hospital bag. It all made me cry so much, once again I’m back at my daughters, I know I’ll have to return to my home very soon. I dread the nights I never sleep much, I feel so panicky. Thanks for the hug.

Janet X

Hi Colin

It helps a little bit to know others understand what I’m going through, I went to my home this afternoon to get some clothes. Looking around was very upsetting, as you say his clothes, his cups, his glasses, ipad, I couldn’t stop crying. I feel so lost now with nobody to look after. I’m back with my daughter, I’ve been here 4 weeks, I know I’ll have to return home soon. I think like you I’ll be sleeping on the sofa, I fear the nights, I’ve not slept properly at all. It has helped hearing from you and so sad that your wife passed so young.


Hi Janet & Colin

Thought I was the only one sleeping on the sofa. Somehow it feels more comforting.I have thought about reorganising the bedroom but it all seems too soon to contemplate that.

Guess it doesn’t matter where we sleep as long as we manage to get some. I have found a ‘one a night’ tablet from the Chemist which helps me get through most nights. It’s the waking every morning when it hits you all over again that is the problem.


Hi Yvonne

As I said before I dread the nights, I leave the light on all night, even if I fall asleep I wake again soon after, it’s like that all through the night. Then like you I fear getting up and facing another day. The few times I’ve been back to my home for some clothes, (I’m still at my daughters) I’ve found myself pacing up and down, I feel so distressed.


Likewise I lost my beautiful wife BAL aged 49 on 29th November 2016, just over 14 months ago.
Now into the second year of her passing.
I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s recent loss and hopefully all of us on these forums can find some comfort / solitude .
Not posted for over 6 months as my life’s come to a standstill, remembering my life togeather with Bal everyday.
I light a red candle to her every evening and spend the days chatting to her for guidances.
Presence of fresh red roses in front of my wife’s portrait weekly.

Those of you who have read my previous posts and those who haven’t will then understand what BAL meant to me as each of us knows our own loved ones.
Thank you.

Hi Ravinder

So sorry to hear about the loss of your wife, I too find myself talking to my husband. It is a comfort to know that so many can understand what we are all going through. My daughter in law has given me a candle to light, to remember my husband, as you do in remembrance of BAL. I miss my husband so much it’s such a terrible pain. Thank you for getting in touch with me


Hi Janet
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband it is so heartbreaking it doesn’t matter how long our loved ones were with us there passing is so overwhelming as I’m sure when you have been reading the posts on the forum you will have seen us all going through this horrendous journey.
My husband took a massive heart attack on the 11th of October he was 68 his name is George he fought so hard to stay but his body just could not cope so I lost the love of my life on the 26th of November.
I was at the hospital everyday talking to him and the hole time till he passed he never once said anything to me about what was going to happen he still talked about Christmas and our sons and our life together even though he New as I did that he was never coming home he passed with everyone that loved him there .
I stayed with my eldest son for a few weeks and then I decided it was time for me to go home to our house it has been so many mixed feelings the overwhelming pain is there because George isn’t with me but I find for me some comfort in being surrounded with so many memories.
I cry scream beg pray .
At night I put a hot water bottle in my bed so as when I put my hand across to his side of the bed I fell heat I’m sorry this is so long I just wanted you to know that you are not alone we are all here for each other big hugs .

Hi Lily
I’m sorry for the loss of your husband George, my Jack passed on the 6th December. I’ve been back home since Friday, I was at my daughters for over 4 weeks. It’s so heartbreaking and lonely here on my own, his empty chair, all the reminders of him. I’ve not slept properly for weeks now. It was difficult to sleep when he first went into hospital on the 16th November, then the doctors told me he had terminal liver cancer. All normal sleep stopped, he passed away a week later, I dread going to bed. I have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, I too scream, cry and I want this pain to end.
I read all the posts on this forum, and as you say how many of us are going through this horrendous journey. It helps a little to be able to communicate with others in the same situation, I’m crying as I write this. I’m thinking of all of you, and to know I’m not alone is a comfort. Big hugs from me.

Hi Janet
When I got home I moved my living room about so as it wasn’t sitting in the same position as when George was last home I know it sounds daft but it helped me .
I will be thinking you Janet big hugs

Hi Janet & Lily

I’ve had a bad day. I was determined to ‘pull myself together’ in the New Year but it’s not happening. I went to a new Church this morning everyone was so kind and welcoming. I only got half way through the service before my emotions got the better of me. I had to leave - tears streaming down my face. Then I found myself on the street howling - Just like a wounded animal. The emotional pain in my chest was so bad. I got home as quickly as I could, took two headache tablets and have been hiding under the duvet all day. My sons were concerned so I told them I had a bad migraine. ( Don’t want them to worry about me).

I can’t carry on like this. Has anyone found a way to control their emotions? I still have the prescription for anti depressants that my doctor gave me but I am scared of going down that route.

Hope you have both been having a better day than me. Sorry to burden you but my wider family want me to ‘pull myself together’ now and so I can’t share with them how I am really feeling.


Hi Lily
I don’t sit at the table anymore, it’s too painful sitting next to his empty place, I eat at a small table sitting on the sofa. It sounds like a good idea to change things around, not daft at all. It’s like me not sitting at the table, where we always used to eat together. Anything that helps ease this terrible pain, is worth a try. I’ll be thinking of you, with big hugs from me.

Hi Yvonne

I haven’t had a very good day, I’m back at home after being at my daughters for over 4 weeks. The loneliness is unbearable, on Friday I broke down in floods of tears in the middle of town, I’ve got this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I haven’t slept properly for weeks now, how I’ve kept going I don’t know. I haven’t been to the doctors, I’m thinking of getting some anti depressants and sleeping pills, but like you I’m scared of doing that.

I know what you mean about family, they all say to me it’s going to be alright, but they’ve no idea of how I’m feeling. I feel really scared, being here at home on my own is awful, everywhere I look there’s reminders of my husband. It’s not a burden to share what you’re feeling, I understand every word you’ve said. I’m thinking of you and everyone else in this awful position.


Hello Yvonne. I have also had a bad day, very similar to yours. Went to Tesco and started crying when I saw all the favourite foods my husband liked. I have been weeping on and off all day. So far I have not found a way of controlling my emotions even though it is seven months since I lost him. My family seem to think I should be getting over it by now, and no longer offer the support they did earlier on even though I still need it. I take the anti-depressant tablets my GP gave me as they help me to sleep at night, but they don’t do much for this awful depression I feel all of the time. I wish there was an answer to this dreadful feeling that life is not worth living any more. I seem to miss my husband more now than at first and the loneliness is killing me. I would love to be able to post something a bit more cheerful than this but cannot think of anything. Take care, and why not give the tablets a try. Warm regards. Eileen xx

Hi Janet & Eileen

Thank you so much for replying. When you are having a bad time you always feel as though it is only you. I don’t know what I would have done without this site. Sometimes it really feels as though you are going mad and it helps to know others are feeling the same.

Tomorrow is the start of a new week - let’s hope it’s a better one for all of us.

Wishing you a good, restful night’s sleep.


Hi Yvonne
I had the day from hell on Friday couldn’t go out the door screamed cried through I was going mad and it just went on and on never shut my eyes on Friday night and cried most of sat god it is never ending I’m sitting in my bed with the hot water bottle at George’s side and I just want to burst .
It feels like a massive wave going over me and I just burst god willing Monday is a better day for us all thinking of everyone god bless

Hi Lily

I see you are still awake, like me.

So sorry you are experiencing this emotional roller coaster as well. I am trying to listen to some calming meditation apps to see if that helps.

Like you I hope tomorrow is better for us.

Wishing you a restful sleep


Hi Yvonne
My son told me to go on to YouTube there are all different sounds like waterfalls or rain hitting a window there are loads it’s supposed to help you sleep so I’m in bed hot water bottle that in my head is George and a waterfall playing bye my side at this point I will try anything hope you get a good sleep to Yvonne.