I lost my mum 3 months ago. I am at total loss of what to do with myself. The pain the anxiety the oh so much guilt and anger. What I would do to see her again tell her again how much I love her n miss her, to hold her hand and see her beautiful smile. I feel so lost without her I’ve never felt so lonely and just cant accept she is no longer here. Hate going back to parents house as I cant see her hear her voice . I’m no longer the same me I have nothing feel nothing just emptiness.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It’s completely understandable you’re feeling so lost and empty right now.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Take care - you are not alone.
Oh I feel the same. 10 weeks today. Must admit I have not been to the house since the funeral. Supporting dad but as I have two kids he comes to us. I’m back at work which does distract me. So many things crop up I want to tell her / whatapp her about. It hurts x
I am sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to try and get your head around it all . Yes going back to the house is extremely hard. The house isn’t the same and never will be. Supporting dad is hard as I never had a good relationship with him it was always yes and no that’s it.
I know what you mean by wanting to pick up phone and call her . Tell her what you’ve been up to , talk about anything and yet everything . It’s that loneliness where you think who shall I call who is remotely interested. You could speak to her endlessly everyday always there and it wasn’t just that you wanted to talk to her about yourself she had someone to talk to it was talking on both sides about our day past present and the future . I haven’t gone back to work yet. Do you feel that you went back too soon? I feel the thoughts guilt denial follows me wherever I go ! Can’t sleep either. This is all so new nothing in life prepares you for this. X
Im so sorry for your loss i too lost my mum 12 months ago what you have wrote i could have wrote i feel exactly the same
I’m sorry for your loss too. I can’t imagine life 12 months down the line. I can’t comprehend where 3 months have gone. It’s gone at at such a speed not had time to inhale it all. One minute I’m feeding her , talking to her then next it’s come to an abrupt end! Does it get easier or do you just learn to live with huge crater inside you ? Coz that’s what it feels like. I feel guilty just for laughing with family and friends. I can’t think of a year ahead this is painful enuf . X
Mum died 18th august I’m a teacher so was off at that point then had 5 weeks off. Went back as I only work 2 days a week and felt school has been good enough with me. I do feel the time was right but no way could I have been full time x
Yep and I feel guilty about everything. Moping around when I have two kids etc. mum had long term well managed health problems up until March when it all imploded. We had an awful time getting GP and AE to listen. By the time she was actually in hospital it was too late. I am formally complaining about the care and that in itself is draining. X
Totally understand! No one understands why ur feeling way u do. You’re grieving , you’ve just lost your mum
You’re not suddenly gonna wake up and say she’s gone I accept it and I have to move on with my life. It hurts I mean it really hurts you in a way that you cannot explain. Do you go moping about if that’s what makes you able to deal with what you’re going through . You are allowed. I too have many issues with the GP and consultants at hospital. They let mum down on so many levels and I have so many questions that the GPS keep brushing under carpet. I have complained to pals n surgery but like you said it’s draining . I hope you can find answers . I had counselling sessions to have helped somewhat but the emptiness will never go away and I will never be same as I was. x
Sorry only just joined the group. I signed up to the texts but feel I need a bit more now. When did you lose your mum ? I asked gp about counselling and reading online saying it’s too early …… x
I lost mum 3 months ago. I’ve had counselling since through Sue Ryder . Absolute god send. I did call cruse via Gp but they have a waiting list for a good few months . X
Hi Su. I feel your pain, I lost my mum recently too, 2 months ago. I miss her terribly, the pain inside is excruciating without her, I feel so alone, scared, like all joy has gone and my life will never be the same, never get better because she isn’t here. She was everything to me, my whole family. I only have my husband and dog now, no other close family. The loneliness and sadness is overwhelming. It’s not fair that I had to lose her. And I’m only 32, so the idea that I potentially have so much of my life left that I’m supposed to live without her is unbearable. I too have guilt, in that I wish I’d said more and done more for her. Do you have any videos where you can hear her voice? X
Just to add to your comment too - the hospital also made a massive mistake and Mum’s treatment in there was awful, I also complained to PALS and am waiting to hear back from them as the hospital knows they did wrong. It makes it all so much harder to live with because I know how awful she was treated in hospital and how scared she was. I don’t know how to live with that. I was her advocate in there and felt like I had to protect her. She wanted to live so badly. She wasn’t ready to go x
Hi Woo4 . I’m sorry for your loss .
Yes I have videos of her and voice notes. It just makes me sad hearing what she was going thru . Her sadness and confusion in her voice. I miss her immensely no one can replace her can’t see how to move forward at all
The NHS and Gps have a lot to answer for. We put our trust in these medics n organisations to look after our loved ones as we know nothing but not do they fail us the normal people. They hide and they know we can’t do nothing as it costs too much . I do believe strongly they kill patients off. If we said anything they bullied us as tho we were stupid . I too am complaining to pals .
Good luck with your complaint
Hi Su, no one will replace her, and I know what you mean, trying to find a way to move forward is so hard. I guess we can try and think about what our mum’s would have wanted - they would want us to be OK. If you have any nicer videos where she doesn’t sound scared, it might help to listen to them instead? I found this silly video of my mum and me on holiday and it is really light hearted and helps to see my mum like that x
I feel lost terribly no one to just tell that odd bit of news , or when out shopping…oow mum would like that…it was such a shock very sudden . My husband and i found mum when she didnt answer the phone.
The guilty feeling…should of done more, etc etc etc
That’s just the thing though I don’t have any of us before she got poorly. She didn’t like to be videod I have pics but not same thing. Now I wish I did videos as we did so much together. Only thing now is the memories in my head and heart.
That’s the thing isn’t it, when you just want to call her and talk about silly things and you suddenly remember oh I can’t that’s when I hurts. That guilt doesn’t get better you have just live with all these emotions. Are you getting any counselling therapy ?
No ,just here… i get really angry when people say ring etc then when you want to chat always busy … my emotion s are up and down