This is my first time on Sue Ryder. I recently lost my partner, the love of my life to cancer. We were together for 17 years. It happened suddenly. From no symptoms to him passing away was 1 month.
It’s now 2.5 weeks since he passed away, the shock is gone and reality has set in. Every night i’m afraid, and can’t go to sleep. I wake from every morning at 5am from the same nightmares of cancer and his suffering. I turn to his side of the bed and he is not there. I cry for hours until I have to force myself to get ready for work.
I need to continue to work, to pay the mortgage, bills, by myself but i’m not performing at work. Being left alone in the flat, everything reminds me of him. His slippers, his mug, his chair, his clothes.
I can’t cope with this extreme pain, it hurts so much. I don’t want this life. I dont want to carry on. I dont know if i’ll see him again after I die? If I do when will that be? another 40 years? I can’t wait that long.
Sorry for your loss @Sukie . I was with my husband for 18 years and he also passed away within four weeks of being diagnosed. Its been thirteen weeks for me now . It was so painful at the beginning and still is but somehow you manage to carry on. Just take each day at a time and try to take care of yourself .
I’m so sad to read how you’re feeling right now.
It’s very early days and the grief is so raw.
After three weeks I couldn’t face another anxious day and sleep deprivation was getting worse.
I phoned my doctor who was supportive and it.helped that she prescribed medication.
It’s not a cure for the heartache but a prop to help you cope.
So sorry to hear you had to go through a similar loss. I know it all came as a shock to me and processing what had happened to take away the happy lives we had, made me so sad and angry. Thank you for letting me know there is away to carry on eventually.
My heart understands what you are going through. I wish I could offer some words of comfort that would be meaningful or helpful but there are no words.
I lost my handsome, funny, loving, kind, considerate gentle husband of 30 years in January to the ugliness of covid. He left in an ambulance & next I saw him was through a hospital window on 12th Jan & when I held his hand on 13th as he passed away.
We were together for 42 years, we grew up together & done everything together. I go to sleep at night hoping I will not awaken in the morning. My life has no point any more, all our plans were OUR plans, I don’t want anything, anybody. I just want to go back to December, our last Christmas together. We both got covid despite playing by the rules, we were so cautious. And the tragedy is I firmly believe I gave him covid, I had been out shopping. The only explanation. I count every hour until I sleep, but my dreams are traumatic, the hospital window, me trying to call him & he won’t answer, won’t come home to me. We agreed just a few months ago we would not want to go on without each other, it was a pledge. Why do I wake up every morning?
So sorry for your loss my husband passed December the 5th
Due to covid I don’t want to be here anymore
Struggling with everyday life just don’t want to wake up
I drink far to much but don’t care anymore
Take care Debbie xx
It’s so painful , I understand and my heart hurts for you . Can you take done bereavement leave or maybe sick leave ? I ve no advice really , but here to talk if it helps you at all , look after yourself x
I am so sorry that you are feeling such pain, I know I am not the only one and will not be the last. Death is inevitable, but he was only 61 & it was such a shock. Nothing helps, no one can help us through this, we are on our own. I have many good dear friends who are also not coping with the loss of such a huge presence, a wonderful guy. I have close family who are devastated by our loss. But they all have each other to comfort, soothe, dry tears. The very person who held my hand, understood, supported me & loved me all of my life has gone. I want to sleep tonight & not wake up. I cannot see an end to this pain, its the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, without him by my side.
Andy was 57 we were looking forward to so much
And bang all over I beg ever night for me not to wake up
Pain is unbearable I have support but it not like your husband or wife next to you
My husband use to say are love was like a drill and a battery
Worked perfect together apart they fail
All please take care xx
It’s heartbreaking reading the sad messages about losing our partners.
All to the dreaded covid.
We both had it after Christmas and never dreamt it would be the end for him.
We have all lost our future with plans for the years ahead.
As time goes on I’m missing him more each day.
Somehow we make it through until the evening and another day starts.
I’ve read a book, It’s OK that you’re not OK,
She tragically lost her partner one afternoon whilst out walking her fog, he sadly drowned and her life was turned upside down.
It helped to read how she came to terms with life without him .
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and pain. I understand how you feel each morning, you are not alone. I keep thinking about of last Christmas when my partner and I were so happy. Try not to blame yourself, it wasn’t your fault. I started reading this book called Option B, how the author coped after her husband’s sudden death. To help with recovery one should try not to personalise the death by blaming oneself. I’m trying to stop myself every-time i blame myself for my partner’s cancer. A friend told me about the nightmares after a trauma, which i suffered, is a way of the brain trying to heal itself. I hope your healing improves and in time the the nightmares stop soon. Please take care of yourself.
My partner left me 7 weeks ago and I am still in the same despair as you. I contacted my GP who has arranged counselling and given me some medication to help me sleep I do manage 4 to 5 hours a night now. For two weeks I didn’t sleep at all.
Obviously medication is not for everyone but I would suggest contacting your GP for advice.
I get through one day at a time the best I can and do not think to far ahead. I cry or sob all exhausting this journey is unbearable and I feel so sad there are so many of us,