Losing my soulmate

I have never joined a forum before but I lost my dear dear husband yesterday after a short illness and I really feel like I don’t want to carry on without him it all seems pointless we had no children so I don’t have that all I have done so far is sit on our bed drinking wine with my little dog I cannot face food and the thoughts of what I have to do in the next couple of days …well I don’t how I’m going to get through it…

Dear Bunuss,
I feel your despair.It happens to all of us when we lose someone we love. How you feel is so normal and, yes, it is almost unbearable. I say almost, because the thought of giving up is so much worse. Your husband would not want that for you.
I am three months in, and I felt just like you did on the first day, and the second, and so on, but I made myself carry on. I want to honour his memory by being the best person I can possibly be. Just for him, with all my love. Perhaps you could do the same? I am glad you have found this site. The people on here are all here to help each other and, although I haven’t tried it, I have heard counselling is good. Please find some strength, and remember, you are not alone. Big hugs. Ann xxxx

Thankyou for your kind words I can’t stand anyone being around me at the moment I know that they are just being caring but I feel I just want to go to sleep and not wake up again I have had deaths in my family but nothing has come to how I feel now

Hi Bunuss, I am so sorry you have lost your darling Husband it is unbearable. I am 11 months down the line and I know exactly how you are feeling because I felt the same. I didn’t want to be here anymore, I wanted to be with my Husband. I also have a little dog and she was my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I have no kids either but I do have a very supportive family and friends who have got me through. I hope you have a network of people who will be there for you, the people on here have all been where you are and we are all at different stages of grief and I know at this moment in time you feel you wont manage to get through the next few days, weeks, months but trust me you will. This forum has been my saviour and through it I have connected with amazing people and we are sharing this journey together. Keep chatting on here, you are not alone and just knowing others are going through the same is strangely comforting xx


Thankyou for your reply I do have family and not loads of friends but the ones I do have are good friends ,the road ahead seems such a long one there is so much to sort out and all I want to is bury. My head and cry for my lost little man I’ve never felt such heartache in my entire life I just can’t see any light at the moment .to do even the simplest of things like feed the dog is such an effort it’s draining and so I go back to my bed and just lay there I can’t even muster up energy to switch tv on

Hi Bunuss

Please accept my condolences on your tragic loss. I have been in your position and am in it again now. At this point all you need to do are basic essentials to look after yourself, eat when you can (I never heard of anyone starving to death through Grief but people seem obsessed with whether you are eating) and sleep when you can. Both will be problematic In my experience. I lost my husband in 2015 and probably wasn’t sober for a month afterwards. After a while self preservation kicked in and I began to function again. I walked out of counselling sessions, had days to write off, but eventually the rawness faded and I wanted to do things again. There’s no time limit of when this kicks in but it does.

I was again bereaved in August this year and I recognised the same feelings but this time I was prepared. I know at the moment all I feel is anger and sorrow but I also know, again it will pass. As I read earlier today, time does not heal but you learn to cope and self preservation kicks in at some point. We are all in the same boat here , we all get it. Just know that one day you will feel happier. Getting to that day is the task ahead of you, just stick to the essentials for now . Xx

I know lovely, I have been there. No motivation, total lethargy and disinterest in everything. You will still be in shock remember and you have a long, long journey ahead. Its good you have family and friends, I know at the moment you probably want to close yourself away but you need your support network around you. You will also be feeling scared of the future without your Darling man by your side. We all feel the same but we are still here and getting through the days as best we can and you will too even if at this moment in time you can’t see it x


I had my mum and dad stay over with me last night but I just had to send them away this morning I know they men well and are concerned for me but all I get is you must try and eat and drink and they try and talk about totally trivial things that mean absolutely nothing …I just want to be alone with my little dog and my wine I just want the pain to go away

Totally get the “eating/drinking” obsession. It can be infuriating. Ask me how I’m feeling so I can talk about my loss not what have I eaten today… people mean well but unless they have suffered significant loss, they will struggle with what to say. There’s nothing wrong with saying “I just need you to listen, or be still with me or just hug me and please don’t peck at me or fill the silence with small talk” I found honesty works well and people respond better when they know what you want. X

I know how you feel I lost my partner at Christmas he died unexpectedly in front of me and I feel I can’t cope. We also never had children . I also have a dog . I have family members but I don’t think they understand the heartache of losing your partner. I don’t think anyone can understand unless they have been through it . You are not alone I feel just like you . I feel what’s the point in carrying on . Friends say they will keep intouch but most have not . I miss my partner so much and all I can think of is about him and how much I miss him and want him back. I hate my life at the moment and having to depend on family when I never have is horrible . Sometimes I think I might as well be with him I just miss him so much .

Yep that was me, I had actually lost my mum 3 weeks before my husband but my sister and friends were all with me and I couldn’t wait to get rid of them. Like you I wanted to be on my own and it doesn’t matter if you eat so long as you drink water. I lost a stone and a half in a month but you will feel like eating again eventually. We all want the pain to go away and it will lessen as time goes on. I remember that first week googling what’s the easiest way to kill yourself but here I am 11 months later and I am still here and becoming more independent and going out socially again and you will to eventually but it is very early days for you and your have a long hard road to travel x

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God that must have been so awful for you and your so right unless you’ve experienced the loss of a partner they just dont know how you feel,we like yourselves did so much together I was my husbands carer as he was disabled so he was very reliant on me I also have an added emotion which is guilt as I used to moan about having to so much by my self when now I would anything to have things as they were

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It’s nice to know that people know how I feel I hate how my life has turned out . I miss my partner so much all I can think of is him . I still expect to see him walk through the door . We where always telling each other how much we loved one another. He was always phoning me while he was at work and now my phone hardly rings God I miss him

That was a cruel blow to lose your mum and then your partner I lost my brother 22dec 2019 so I’ve had ten months to come to terms with that then my husband only yesterday but that is much harder pain to deal with

I know exactly what you mean everywhere I go around the house I keep expecting to see him isn’t just the worst feeling ever and I honestly can’t see things getting any better we didn’t need other people we were more than happy to be just the two of us

I know exactly how you’re feeling, I lost my wonderful husband 12 weeks ago & it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve lost my Mum & my Dad & although I was devastated it was nothing like the overwhelming pain I feel without my husband. We were inseparable & loved each other so much. He was also my carer as I have health issues. I’m currently quite unwell as I’ve got so emotionally drained it’s affected my physical health & I miss him even more as he always looked after me. I just want to be with him again but my adult sons have suffered enough so I crawl through each day for their sakes. They’re the only family I have & don’t live near me, I also only have very few real friends.
Don’t worry about eating, I hardly ate for a month just ate chocolate & biscuits… even now I rarely bother with a meal I drink endless cups of tea,
Try to accept help from your Mum & Dad, it’s hard but somehow you’ll gradually get through each day.
Love & light look after yourself
Kg xxx

Oh kg my heart goes out to you when you care for someone I think you have an added bond as one is so reliant it used to get me down some days and I would say things like it would be nice to have someone wait on me occasionally now I would do anything to have him back and things to go back to how they were sending you a big hug bunuss x

Please forgive a male for butting in! I lost my darling wife to cancer three months ago and am now living a “life” of despair and tears. I joined in because a number of you mentioned your dogs, had it not been for Flora, our beagle, I don’t think I would have survived the first few days. She made me get out of bed to meet her needs. That both Gill and I loved her so much also gives me a small feeling of physical connection when I stroke Flora.
I wish you all the peace we so desperately seek.

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Hi peter I only have a very small chihuahua so she can’t afford not to but she has she won’t eat any of her favourite treats I’ve opened and thrown away her dog food so I’ve cooked some chicken which she did eat a little of and a slice of ham I know I need to pick myself up if not just for her but I just cannot muster up enough energy I can’t be bothered to walk her which she loves she just follows me back to bed for another few hours

Hello Peter. We have a pets thread. Have you seen it? It would be lovely if you posted a photo of your Flora. xx